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Original poster

My fiancé wants to have days out with his Ex

176 replies

Badger9591 · 21/05/2022 09:24

I would like to know if I am being unreasonable; my fiancé has a persistent ex who has ruined all
his previous relationships as they always end up sleeping together whilst he’s in relationships. he expects me to go to events and gatherings that she will be at and if I don’t want to go he’s going to go regardless. I don’t want to put myself in a position where I can be antagonised and put my safety at risk. We have a little girl and are engaged and it seems he would rather put these gatherings before my safety and well-being. She is always posting things aimed at me and tries to get a rise.. Am I being selfish?

OP posts:
Onwards22 · 21/05/2022 10:30

my fiancé has a persistent ex who has ruined all his previous relationships as they always end up sleeping together whilst he’s in relationships

Read this back. She didn’t ruin all his previous relationships. He did. By cheating on all the people he had relationships with.

Why are you talking about him as if he’s passive and spineless and has no say?

Exactly this!

It wasn’t HER it was HIM who ruined all of his relationships and if he has sex with her again it will be HIM who ruins your relationship.

He doesn’t sound like a great catch and IMO if he’ll have sex with her then he’ll have sex with other women too but if you think he’s changed then YABU to not want him going.

You either trust him so shouldn’t have an issue with him going to these events with or without you.
Or you don’t trust him so I don’t understand why you’re with him.

layladomino · 21/05/2022 11:02

My first thought was what several posters have said.... she hasn't ruined any of his relationships. He's ruined them by cheating. He's the one who seems to always end up back with her.

If these 'days out' are actually events / activities from a long-standing friendship group then I'd say you're being unreasonable to expect him to stop going. Say if it's an old friend's wedding and the ex will be there, it isn't fair to stop him going. Or if they're both in a hobby group then I wouldn't expect him to give up the hobby just to stop seeing an ex.

If it's more personal, they arranged a get-together, then I'd say that's very suspicious especially given his history of always going back to her.

And in any case, given their history, if he cared for your feelings and your relationship he would see how it would look to you, and how damaging this could be for your relationship and your family, and he'd find it easy to avoid her, to protect his partner and family.

Youaremysunshine14 · 21/05/2022 11:06

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/05/2022 09:31

my fiancé has a persistent ex who has ruined all
his previous relationships as they always end up sleeping together whilst he’s in relationships

Read this back. She didn’t ruin all his previous relationships. He did. By cheating on all the people he had relationships with.

Why are you talking about him as if he’s passive and spineless and has no say?

This ^. Your problem isn't the ex, it's that you're engaged to marry and have a child with a man who can't keep it in his pants. You don't trust him going to these events because he has a history of sleeping with her.

The fact he's choosing time and time again to put her first when he knows it upsets you tells you it'll only be a matter of time before he does it again, if he's not already.

Opaljewel · 21/05/2022 11:12

I don't usually swear on here but fuck that. I'd leave them both to their stupid twisted games. She wouldn't a problem if he didn't let her be. Quite simply, he chooses her everytime. He has shown you this with his past behaviour.

If he wasn't choosing her now, you wouldn't feel this way.

Save yourself a life time of heartache and leave this prick. Befor you marry him! Otherwise you'll be marrying not just him but her as well.

Opaljewel · 21/05/2022 11:13

Before*

HollowTalk · 21/05/2022 11:19

Why on earth are you with this complete and utter twat?

BBQBoke · 21/05/2022 11:21

Oh, OP, don't marry this loser. He will do to yo what he's done to every other girlfriend. He's already proving this to you by not putting you and his child first. This is all his doing, he is the one in a relationship and can choose not to cheat. Do your self esteem a favour and get out before he hurts you, you don't have to wait until he does it.

BadLad · 21/05/2022 11:24

Dump him, and next time set your bar a bit higher than crocodile piss.

Shoxfordian · 21/05/2022 11:28

He can go out with her as much as he likes when he’s single so dump him

Irishfarmer · 21/05/2022 11:32

Why would your safety be at risk from being around her?

Also as everyone else has said he is the cheater! He has ruined all his own relationships not her

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/05/2022 12:01

Is he still in love with her and she has sex with him when she wants? This does not sound like the basis for a marriage. He should be avoiding her. What is this mutual event / hobby?

Original poster
Badger9591 · 21/05/2022 12:42

Thanks for your advice so far; they are both in the same friendship group; I’m not stopping him from seeing his friends just her! She has said she won’t rest until she ruins every relationship he has! But this isn’t just a relationship.. we have a child that is going to get hurt by her twisted toxic games! There’s plenty of opportunities for him to see his friends as I have just bought a massive house (old pub) and it’s still got a bar and is a very sociable house! I just don’t want him around her as it puts me in a situation if she tries to attack me or start an argument if that makes sense.. I can’t be around these bullies..

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 21/05/2022 13:05

You have a house but you are planning to marry. If you want to stick with him then do so but for God's sake don't set yourself up legally with him. It will end in utter disaster on your part. It's inevitable he will end up with her. Do you really think she would rest until she had half your house?

Greyarea12 · 21/05/2022 13:06

Badger9591 · 21/05/2022 12:42

Thanks for your advice so far; they are both in the same friendship group; I’m not stopping him from seeing his friends just her! She has said she won’t rest until she ruins every relationship he has! But this isn’t just a relationship.. we have a child that is going to get hurt by her twisted toxic games! There’s plenty of opportunities for him to see his friends as I have just bought a massive house (old pub) and it’s still got a bar and is a very sociable house! I just don’t want him around her as it puts me in a situation if she tries to attack me or start an argument if that makes sense.. I can’t be around these bullies..

@Badger9591 your looking at this all wrong. HE should not want to be around her!! But he does! He has no respect for your relationship! Why are you accepting this? Your completely focused on the ex that your losing sight of what his involvement is in this. He certainly ain't no innocent party! For as long as you accept this it will continue. Why would he stop seeing her when you just plod along accepting it. Raise your standards! He will walk all over you for as long as you allow him to do so!

GreatCuppa · 21/05/2022 13:07

Stop focusing on her. He has the ability to say no, if he isn’t then that’s all on him.

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/05/2022 13:08

What you don’t seem to get is that she’s not the issue, he is. You’re trying to build a life and maintain a family unit with a man who’s a serial cheat who you know you can’t trust. It’s the path to deep unhappiness. You’ll never relax. And your child will suffer because of their dad, not his ex.

Whoatealltheminieggs · 21/05/2022 13:11

In. The. Bin.

Woundabout · 21/05/2022 13:12

You have a child with a cheating scumbag. Well done.

She’s not making him have sex with her. Grow up

elle1005 · 21/05/2022 13:23

She has said she won’t rest until she ruins every relationship he has!

Red flags. Alarm bells. Your partner is happy to spend time with her despite knowing this??? He has no respect for your relationship if he thinks that any of this is okay. She isn't your problem, he is.

There are plenty of people in this world who can never seem to make a relationship work, but yet are drawn to each other time and time again. That's exactly what your partner and his girlfriend are. Sounds like he's always going to go back for more, be it now, or once you are married.

Please just call off the engagement and move on. The sooner you do it, the less heartache there'll be in the long run.

elle1005 · 21/05/2022 13:24

*his ex-girlfriend.

sammylady37 · 21/05/2022 13:26

She has said she won’t rest until she ruins every relationship he has!

she can’t ‘ruin’ his relationship all by herself. He’s not some delicate passive flower with no agency, he has choices to make and the ones he’s making are what’s ruining his relationships.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 21/05/2022 13:29

sammylady37 · 21/05/2022 13:26

She has said she won’t rest until she ruins every relationship he has!

she can’t ‘ruin’ his relationship all by herself. He’s not some delicate passive flower with no agency, he has choices to make and the ones he’s making are what’s ruining his relationships.

All of this.

and wtf?! She has attacked you and he still wants to see her? Absolutely fucking no. She attacks you, you call the police.

did you buy the house alone? Or is this cheating piece of shit also on the mortgage and deeds?

Pickabearanybear · 21/05/2022 13:29

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 21/05/2022 13:31

You mean you've had a child with a cheating twat and are now worried because he's a cheating twat

It's simple, when the cheating twat cheats on you kick him out and next time aim a bit higher

BBQBoke · 21/05/2022 13:32

Your blame is very misplaced. Your fiance has actively cheated on all previous partners. You will be no different. He will be the only one responsible for that action, not her or any other woman that he sleeps with. You sound to be in fortunate position of buying a property. Out him out and build a life for you and your child away from the toxic drama that you fiance is creating.