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Relationships

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Original poster

My fiancé wants to have days out with his Ex

176 replies

Badger9591 · 21/05/2022 09:24

I would like to know if I am being unreasonable; my fiancé has a persistent ex who has ruined all
his previous relationships as they always end up sleeping together whilst he’s in relationships. he expects me to go to events and gatherings that she will be at and if I don’t want to go he’s going to go regardless. I don’t want to put myself in a position where I can be antagonised and put my safety at risk. We have a little girl and are engaged and it seems he would rather put these gatherings before my safety and well-being. She is always posting things aimed at me and tries to get a rise.. Am I being selfish?

OP posts:

TheAverageUser · 21/05/2022 14:28

Don't marry him, he'll cheat because that's his pattern of behaviour and then he'll take half of what's yours. The best thing is to protect yourself for you and your baby. Think about the money you have for her future right now x

diddl · 21/05/2022 14:29

Oh FFS stop blaming her & lay the blame where it should be-with the cheating twat you are engaged to.

Daenerys77 · 21/05/2022 14:30

The smart option would be to cut both of them out of your life. You are luckier than most women in your position because you are financially secure. And if you want to get married, find someone better.

Rogue1001MNer · 21/05/2022 14:37

Seems to be unanimous, OP.

Dump him, and next time set your bar a bit higher than crocodile piss

Great Post @BadLad

lop32 · 21/05/2022 14:37

This is a tough one. He sounds very untrustworthy and his ex even worse.

But, I wouldn't expect my husband to give up his friends. My ex is in our friendship group and we've socialised together since university days. Most of the time, it's a big group and my husband comes. But I've stayed with my ex on my own on the odd occasion because he's a good friend.

However, fidelity is very important to me and it sounds like it isn't for your partner, not to mention the ex with ulterior motives. I don't think socialising in a large group should be a no though, that would feel a bit controlling to me.

Oldfilmsareshit · 21/05/2022 14:37

So he’s basically got a relationship with her behind your back, even though she attacks you, and is staying with you to marry and then claim half the inheritance….great guy

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 21/05/2022 14:40

She might be toxic but so is he, cheating on ger with all his partners. Why would you cling on such a lowlife?

girlmom21 · 21/05/2022 14:43

He's probably shagging her if he's continued to have sex with her through all of his previous relationships, to be honest.

Get rid of him. His ex is more important than his family. That's not a man you trust.

MargosKaftan · 21/05/2022 14:46

Oh dear. This is a mess. Have you asked him why he's slept with her when in other relationships, and then when those other relationships have broken down, he hasn't stayed with her? She must have very low self esteem to keep making herself available for the same man, knowing hes going to get bored of her after a bit, start dating someone else and then just use her for sex.

Don't marry him. Tell him its because you know he's untrustworthy, he won't cut his ex out of his life and he's proved through other relationships hes incapable of just being friends with her, so you can only assume hes keeping her close to have sex with at some point. If you do marry him, then you know that he's going to stag his ex at some point, and then you'll have an expensive divorce to deal with.

girlmom21 · 21/05/2022 14:48

She must have very low self esteem to keep making herself available for the same man

Or very high self esteem knowing he can't keep away from her, no matter who else is involved?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 21/05/2022 14:50

Badger9591 · 21/05/2022 13:39

I’ll be honest, I inherited close to a million when my brother died so the house is paid for outright so I am a little sceptical as she will be laughing if he left me for her.. I don’t know what to do as I want to make it work for the baby’s sake..

Oh my goodness do not marry him! If (when!?) you break up he will potentially be entitled to half of your inheritance and think how much she will be laughing then if he ends up with her and she not only has him but half of your money and house too.

For your babies sake I would leave him and make sure you are in the best financial situation to support the baby and are not going to end up losing anything to him or to her in the future when this all goes tits up.

Fluffycloudland77 · 21/05/2022 14:50

Men like this don’t change, you can’t make it work.

Smartsub · 21/05/2022 14:51

He's giving her the runaround as much as he is you and all the other women.

Why will she be "laughing" if he leaves? You're not married, he'll get none of your money. Marry him and that changes completely. You said "I" bought the house, hopefully that means it's in your name.

billy1966 · 21/05/2022 15:08

Silly enough that you have had a child with this waster, but now you want to be financially attached to him via marriage.

Give your head a wobble.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 21/05/2022 15:18

I would be telling him to either finish his friendship and whatever else with her and no contact at all or he would be leaving with his bags packed, no compromise at all. That is what you have to do as you cannnot live your life like this as he is enjoying all the attention or else he would have changed the situation. He sounds like a selfish knob head.

AMindNeedsBooks · 21/05/2022 15:25

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/05/2022 09:31

my fiancé has a persistent ex who has ruined all
his previous relationships as they always end up sleeping together whilst he’s in relationships

Read this back. She didn’t ruin all his previous relationships. He did. By cheating on all the people he had relationships with.

Why are you talking about him as if he’s passive and spineless and has no say?

Came on to say the same. HE ruined his relationships by cheating on his partners and still has the audacity to make you think it's her doing whilst not cutting her off??

You deserve better! Have my first LTB.

I know this is difficult for you and I'm sorry for being harsh but he's not worth your time.

kierenthecommunity · 21/05/2022 15:31

She has said she won’t rest until she ruins every relationship he has!

She’s says this to you has she? Or has he passed on this gem?

I’ll put money on it being the latter, and it’s his get out of jail card. He must be some prince to have all these women fighting over him eh? 🙄

Rogue1001MNer · 21/05/2022 15:34

This is going to be one of those hugely annoying threads where the OP is going to ignore anything that doesn't fit in with their own narrative/what they want the situation to be, isn't it

weleasewoderick23 · 21/05/2022 15:37

@Rogue1001MNer

Or even answer

Onwards22 · 21/05/2022 15:38

She has said she won’t rest until she ruins every relationship he has! But this isn’t just a relationship.. we have a child that is going to get hurt by her twisted toxic games!

FFS OP give your head a wobble and get done self reflect!

Your enemy here isn’t the ex.

I can’t help thinking that you’re getting played by this man and to know that you’ve inherited money makes it even more worrying.

As a PP said how do you know she said this?
Was it for her mouth or was it from the person trying to keep you away from her?

Shinyandnew1 · 21/05/2022 15:41

Fast forward a few years and he leaves you for her and takes half of the worth of the house with him…

MidCenturyClegs · 21/05/2022 15:45

He wants your money! Tell him to do one.

Nomad916 · 21/05/2022 15:49

Your ability to support your child financially is being put at risk by marrying him. If he's cheated with her in all previous relationships and they regularly have contact through mutual friendship groups, he will definitely cheat with her again if he isn't doing so now. Of course he wants to marry you, if thinks don't work out, he'll be set financially. Making a relationship work for the sake of the child usually ends in the child's suffering.

SpindleInTheWind · 21/05/2022 15:53

Rogue1001MNer · 21/05/2022 15:34

This is going to be one of those hugely annoying threads where the OP is going to ignore anything that doesn't fit in with their own narrative/what they want the situation to be, isn't it

OK I'll have a crack at a next post:

"Oh we have such wonderful times together when it's just us two, and he's a great dad and DD absolutely adores him. But I just wish he'd stop going out with this crowd of friends so much because he's between jobs at the moment and I'd prefer him him to job hunt (though he says he can live off what's left of my inheritance lol)."

"I'm supposed to back to work full-time soon and I'll need my car back from him but he says I can't have it five days as he needs it too. Also I'll have to book childcare as he is busy in the week with projects in the old pub I bought, although I have a horrible feeling he's going to have his Ex there when I'm at work. What should I do? The wedding of my dreams is at risk because of this trollop."

SunshineCake · 21/05/2022 15:55

Badger9591 · 21/05/2022 13:39

Why?

why do your want your baby to live in a house where dad takes the piss out of mum and mum feels scared of another woman ?.

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