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Original poster

My fiancé wants to have days out with his Ex

176 replies

Badger9591 · 21/05/2022 09:24

I would like to know if I am being unreasonable; my fiancé has a persistent ex who has ruined all
his previous relationships as they always end up sleeping together whilst he’s in relationships. he expects me to go to events and gatherings that she will be at and if I don’t want to go he’s going to go regardless. I don’t want to put myself in a position where I can be antagonised and put my safety at risk. We have a little girl and are engaged and it seems he would rather put these gatherings before my safety and well-being. She is always posting things aimed at me and tries to get a rise.. Am I being selfish?

OP posts:
Smartsub · 21/05/2022 13:33

She hasn't ruined anything. He's done/doing that.

Original poster
Badger9591 · 21/05/2022 13:39

I’ll be honest, I inherited close to a million when my brother died so the house is paid for outright so I am a little sceptical as she will be laughing if he left me for her.. I don’t know what to do as I want to make it work for the baby’s sake..

OP posts:
Tithebarnacle · 21/05/2022 13:41

You definitely do not marry him for starters.

SoggyPaper · 21/05/2022 13:43

Tithebarnacle · 21/05/2022 13:41

You definitely do not marry him for starters.

Absolutely. Do not marry this man.

He has had several relationships break up because he keeps sleeping with her. And he wants to continue socialising with her.

meanwhile, you have money and assets that need to be protected for you and your little girl.

StopStartStop · 21/05/2022 13:44

Get him out of your house. Don't marry him. Tell him to fuck the fuck off, him with the ex... he wants to control you, rub your nose in it... you can afford to live without out him, so do!

Bobbins36 · 21/05/2022 13:48

Badger9591 · 21/05/2022 12:42

Thanks for your advice so far; they are both in the same friendship group; I’m not stopping him from seeing his friends just her! She has said she won’t rest until she ruins every relationship he has! But this isn’t just a relationship.. we have a child that is going to get hurt by her twisted toxic games! There’s plenty of opportunities for him to see his friends as I have just bought a massive house (old pub) and it’s still got a bar and is a very sociable house! I just don’t want him around her as it puts me in a situation if she tries to attack me or start an argument if that makes sense.. I can’t be around these bullies..

It’s all on him, she can’t ruin a relationship if he doesn’t let it. You need to stop trying to control him, if he can’t respect you enough not to behave himself if she’s about then why bother with him? If they’re all part of the same friendship group you can’t ask him not to see them (and don’t make it all about them coming to your house either, he is entitled to see his friends anywhere he chooses). You can state that she’s not welcome in your home though.

WallaceinAnderland · 21/05/2022 13:50

It's not her ruining the relationship, it's him. He doesn't have to have sex with her does he. This is just something he wants to do.

Bin him.

Ellie56 · 21/05/2022 13:50

Badger9591 · 21/05/2022 13:39

I’ll be honest, I inherited close to a million when my brother died so the house is paid for outright so I am a little sceptical as she will be laughing if he left me for her.. I don’t know what to do as I want to make it work for the baby’s sake..

Why on earth do you want to "make it work"? Why do you want your daughter to grow up seeing the shitty way her father treats her mother and worse still her mother accepting it? She will think that's the way all relationships operate.

No. Just no. Show her better than that.

Don't put up with this lying cheating scumbag. Show your daughter you are a strong capable woman and will not put up with such disrespect from any man. You are worth more than that and so is she.

Bobbins36 · 21/05/2022 13:50

To be honest you both sound quite young and immature. Certainly not mature enough to have had a kid.

BBQBoke · 21/05/2022 13:51

Don't marry him and risk your and your child's security. He is a cheating scumbag who has shown already that he isn't putting his child first, he doesn't appear to be trying to make it work for his child so why are you? Ditch him and maybe spend some of your money working on yourself, you deserve much more than him.

Bobbins36 · 21/05/2022 13:53

dont FFS marry him, that house will be sold and half of your inheritance gone to him within 5years. And he’ll probably still be shagging the ex.

dumdumduuuummmmm · 21/05/2022 13:55

OP why does she want to ruin his relationships? Did she not want to split from him? What has he said to you to try to explain why he slept with her whilst in other relationships? He doesn't sound in any way bothered by the fact that she has said she wants to ruin relationships. Does he still like her? Why aren't they a couple? It's all rather confusing

Bananarama21 · 21/05/2022 13:56

Sounds like he's snagging her behind your back. Don't marry him and protect your inheritance.

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/05/2022 13:56

Badger9591 · 21/05/2022 13:39

I’ll be honest, I inherited close to a million when my brother died so the house is paid for outright so I am a little sceptical as she will be laughing if he left me for her.. I don’t know what to do as I want to make it work for the baby’s sake..

I already thought you should dump him from your earlier posts, but now I definitely think you're mad to pursue this relationship. You are financially independent, and that gives you choices, so stop wasting your choices on him.

Think of your daughter. Would you want her to be in a relationship like yours? Of course not. So why are you modelling such poor behaviour to her?

Your fiance is a waste of space. His primary relationship is not with you, it is with his is-she-really-an-ex. He returns to her at the drop of a hat and shags her. That makes him a total git, fucking both you and she over at the same time. And he essentially holds this toxic relationship over your head as a threat - follow me to events like a good little servant or I will shag her.

Really - why are you still pursuing him? Bin him off and spend some of your money on some counselling to get to the bottom of your poor self-esteem.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 21/05/2022 13:57

I think you need to stop trying to play happy families with someone who is serial cheat, get him out your house, get some therapy to help with your boundaries, and prepare to raise your DD alone as he doesnt sound like hes going to be any use whatsoever.

Rathmobhaile · 21/05/2022 14:02

She's not ruining your relationship. He is. He's a serial cheater. You want to sort it out for the babies sake? Then set her some standards to live by. Expect loyalty, faithfulness and kindness and love from your relationship. This man offers you none of these. This ex can only ruin his relationships if he lets her. So he's choosing her every time.

Moodycow78 · 21/05/2022 14:07

Well you're not being unreasonable for expecting your fiancé not to be having at best an emotional affair but you are unreasonable to put up with it. He obviously cares more about her and your child so why you think so little of yourself you'll put up with it when other women have seen him for what he is is anyone's guess. Dump and move on, he's hers not yours xx

Moodycow78 · 21/05/2022 14:08

Cares more about her than he does about you and your child that should have read

SpindleInTheWind · 21/05/2022 14:09

I'm tempted to write, 'did ye, aye'; but I've seen madder things happen in real life, including women marrying men like this fucking tool and having more babies with them.

And it would certainly be madness for the OP to marry the massive cunt that she has described here.

<waits for vivid descriptions of how lovely he is / great dad, adores DD blah blah>

PriestessofPing · 21/05/2022 14:19

Badger9591 · 21/05/2022 13:39

I’ll be honest, I inherited close to a million when my brother died so the house is paid for outright so I am a little sceptical as she will be laughing if he left me for her.. I don’t know what to do as I want to make it work for the baby’s sake..

He won’t stop seeing her and has history with her cheating wise which he is as responsible for as she is - she didn’t force him to cheat with her, he’s chosen to multiple times.

How do you know he won’t marry you for your inheritance and then run off with her after a bit? Am assuming that’s your worry and it would be a reasonable one given he is still prioritising her over a relationship, and with the mother of his child no less. I would definitely not marry him and think very carefully about continuing with him at all, as he seems intent on making you number x (whatever number he is on now) in the line of women he has betrayed to fuck this ex.

stepuporshutup · 21/05/2022 14:20

I am a conspiracy theorist, he gets together with you for your money, you marry him because you are afraid of losing him, he carries on seeing and shagging the ex. He wants a divorce he gets half of your money, and marries ex. Excellent their plans have fallen into place nicely. This could happen op so bin him now.

SpindleInTheWind · 21/05/2022 14:21

stepuporshutup · 21/05/2022 14:20

I am a conspiracy theorist, he gets together with you for your money, you marry him because you are afraid of losing him, he carries on seeing and shagging the ex. He wants a divorce he gets half of your money, and marries ex. Excellent their plans have fallen into place nicely. This could happen op so bin him now.

It is all a bit Shagatha Christie, isn't it?

Aquamarine1029 · 21/05/2022 14:22

Badger9591 · 21/05/2022 13:39

I’ll be honest, I inherited close to a million when my brother died so the house is paid for outright so I am a little sceptical as she will be laughing if he left me for her.. I don’t know what to do as I want to make it work for the baby’s sake..

Given this update about your inheritance, you would have to be an absolute idiot to marry this fuckwit of a man. Come on, now. You couldn't possibly be that daft. Sorry to be harsh, but you know how untrustworthy this man is, yet you would still risk your financial security and marry this fool?

Catlitterqueen · 21/05/2022 14:25

He has zero respect for you, your relationship and your child.
This would be an absolute dealbreaker for me.
He can’t be trusted. Do not even consider marrying this man!

CanofCant · 21/05/2022 14:27

How do you know he's not with her already and he's only marrying you for a share of your inheritance? He will stick around for the money in the meantime. He sounds awful and you sound as though you are shredding your self confidence trying to appease him and win him over. You're going to destroy yourself.