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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this funny? Do I have no sense of humour?

171 replies

PilatesPeach · 18/05/2022 11:11

Been seeing a chap - he is rather impatient, brusque. For example, I have said on a number of occasions that it is normal in my experience, when couples meet up to do something or go somewhere (when they do not live together), that they would say hello and have a kiss or hug. Many people even do this with friends nowadays. Not something to be expected according to him and not a big deal - he said the other day that as we'd already spoken that day on the phone, why did I expect him to give me a kiss hello and say hi when we met up later that day. Instead he just asked me if I was ready and "let's go".

Then today - speaking on the phone, was saying how (and I appreciate I am generalising) that many women like non-sexual affection and that this contributes towards them wanting to have sex. I said some blokes can have sex with someone they don't like as they can overall be more sexually orientated whereas for many women this would not be the case to which he replied "yes I know they can as that's what I've been doing with you" and then said afterwards "joke - it's a joke, where's your sense of humour?"
I have a fantastic sense of humour - everyone who knows me says I am hilarious and should do stand up - did my sense of humour fail me this time or is he just a total dickhead? That is the way I am leaning! I have a self-deprecating sense of humour too - his humour is always aimed at me never at himself.

OP posts:
Oopsiedaisyy · 18/05/2022 11:13

Dickhead.

And your needs for affection are never going to be met. End it

thestarvingcaterpillar · 18/05/2022 11:14

Yeah - that's not funny and he knows it. Him saying "joke" does not make it funny and he's trying to gaslight you! You don't sound very compatible at all!! Run away fast!

PilatesPeach · 18/05/2022 11:15

@Oopsiedaisyy thank you - he made out I am abnormal or needy I just thinking greeting each other is normal. Sometimes I don't even get a hello.

OP posts:
ILikeCrapTelly · 18/05/2022 11:15

Regardless of whether he's a dickhead or not, you both clearly have differing needs of affection from partners and it sounds like you'll always be disappointed on that front.

Better just end it now than end up feeling more hurt down the line by his lack of affection towards you.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 18/05/2022 11:16

He sounds horrible generally and not least of all to you. His humour aimed at you and not him also would be a red flag re him too.

Bin him off now before you are further hurt and or over invested in why he is acting as he does. He does this because he can.

NightmareSlashDelightful · 18/05/2022 11:16

did my sense of humour fail me this time or is he just a total dickhead?

Neither, or somewhere between the two, IMO. Context is everything here, as regards tone of voice and how you normally joke around with each other and all that. But based on what you've said, I'd say he made a quick, off-the-cuff remark that wasn't quite well enough thought through, and it landed clunkily.

In my experience impatient people can often garble out jokes that aren't quite 'finished', if you see what I mean. They don't mean to be rude or cruel, but they can say daft things sometimes because their mouth is a few steps ahead of their brain.

But also, he doesn't have to be a total dickhead for you not to like his comments, and for you to consider whether you really want to be seeing him on an ongoing basis. Maybe he's just a bit of a dickhead, but he's enough of a dickhead in this regard that he's not your dickhead.

Alovelydayatlast · 18/05/2022 11:18

If he can't show appreciation at seeing you what's the actual point?

EmmaH2022 · 18/05/2022 11:19

PilatesPeach · 18/05/2022 11:15

@Oopsiedaisyy thank you - he made out I am abnormal or needy I just thinking greeting each other is normal. Sometimes I don't even get a hello.

I couldn't even be friends with someone like that.

MsMarch · 18/05/2022 11:19

Well, he sounds like a complete dickhead to me. But even if he isn't an actual dickhead, there's clearly a compatibility issue here. The relationship is in the early days, if you don't find it easy and fun and sexy then end it now because it if you don't have it now you don't stand a chance in 10 years time when you have a mortgage, 2 children, are knackered and stressed etc.

PilatesPeach · 18/05/2022 11:19

On the same call earlier he made a comment that I am overweight - not at all true am very slim and fit whereas he is overweight with a great big tummy that can make sex awkward but I would never dream or saying this to him. He thinking call me porky or chunko is hilarious and my asking him to refrain has no effect. If I go to sit on the sofa he says "back it up love, here comes the wide load"
Thanks all.

OP posts:
ElenaSt · 18/05/2022 11:20

Most pets will greet their loved ones with affection! He sounds uptight and I affectionate.

Affection is important to me and if it is to you then I would wave goodbye to this one.

EBearhug · 18/05/2022 11:20

I don't think you always need a kiss or a hug but at least a hello is the minimum.

He's got a crap sense of humour at the least. You don't mention anything positive about him. Why are you bothering?

Basilbrushgotfat · 18/05/2022 11:20

Dump him

Craftycorvid · 18/05/2022 11:21

Not funny. Run. The hills are that way.

NightmareSlashDelightful · 18/05/2022 11:21

PilatesPeach · 18/05/2022 11:19

On the same call earlier he made a comment that I am overweight - not at all true am very slim and fit whereas he is overweight with a great big tummy that can make sex awkward but I would never dream or saying this to him. He thinking call me porky or chunko is hilarious and my asking him to refrain has no effect. If I go to sit on the sofa he says "back it up love, here comes the wide load"
Thanks all.

OK so this is 100% not funny.

Begs the question - why are you bothering? What are you getting out of this relationship?

brandnewdayreset · 18/05/2022 11:21

A joke has to be funny for it to be a joke. There's nothing funny about what he said, it's just cringe because he was trying to be funny and he's clearly not naturally gifted in that department. To then make out it's your fault for it not being funny? That's the issue. Is he going to be the type to blame you for everything in the future?!

PilatesPeach · 18/05/2022 11:22

I already know - just like many who post - they already know the answer but sometimes we doubt our judgement especially if we have been a bit worn down in a relationship.

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 18/05/2022 11:22

I don’t get why you’re with this buffoon.

taylorsdoinapart · 18/05/2022 11:23

He's telling you who he is. He won't change and you already aren't getting the affection you need from him.

Smartsub · 18/05/2022 11:24

I think it could be funny when it's entirely obvious that he's smitten with you, but not in this case.

I think yiu sound hard work on the greeting thing, but more than anything it's clear he's not the man for you

stepuporshutup · 18/05/2022 11:25

Op he sounds horrible of course he have a kiss and a hug when you meet up and no it is not funny to say you are overweight. He sounds extremely childish if he thinks this is funny. Bin him he is awful

BemoreDerek · 18/05/2022 11:25

He's negging you OP, deliberately knocking your confidence so he can control you more easily in the future and boost his own ego in the meantime. I'd be gone, you can do better.

MardyOldGoth · 18/05/2022 11:26

Massive dickhead! His 'jokes' aren't funny, they're nasty and disrespectful. He sounds like a bully to me. I'd be long gone!

florianfortescue · 18/05/2022 11:27

What a wanker! His "jokes" are not funny at all.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/05/2022 11:29

as we'd already spoken that day on the phone, why did I expect him to give me a kiss hello and say hi when we met up later that day

This sounds like he views human interaction as entirely transactional. Like he thinks he can put in X amount of affection tokens (note: not actual affection, just a verbal facsimile thereof), time, and money, and you'll put out sex, validation, the social status of having a partner.

Coupled with his utterly abysmal sense of "humour" I have to ask, what on earth are you still seeing this fuckwit for?!

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