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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this funny? Do I have no sense of humour?

171 replies

PilatesPeach · 18/05/2022 11:11

Been seeing a chap - he is rather impatient, brusque. For example, I have said on a number of occasions that it is normal in my experience, when couples meet up to do something or go somewhere (when they do not live together), that they would say hello and have a kiss or hug. Many people even do this with friends nowadays. Not something to be expected according to him and not a big deal - he said the other day that as we'd already spoken that day on the phone, why did I expect him to give me a kiss hello and say hi when we met up later that day. Instead he just asked me if I was ready and "let's go".

Then today - speaking on the phone, was saying how (and I appreciate I am generalising) that many women like non-sexual affection and that this contributes towards them wanting to have sex. I said some blokes can have sex with someone they don't like as they can overall be more sexually orientated whereas for many women this would not be the case to which he replied "yes I know they can as that's what I've been doing with you" and then said afterwards "joke - it's a joke, where's your sense of humour?"
I have a fantastic sense of humour - everyone who knows me says I am hilarious and should do stand up - did my sense of humour fail me this time or is he just a total dickhead? That is the way I am leaning! I have a self-deprecating sense of humour too - his humour is always aimed at me never at himself.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 18/05/2022 11:29

Wow, there is no way on earth I would see this man ever again. Awful, awful man.

PilatesPeach · 18/05/2022 11:30

Wow - hard work on the greeting thing? Expecting to say hello and maybe a kiss when you don't live together? Find this so normal -friends say hello so why not couples? Sometimes I arrive and he does not say anything at all to me.

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 18/05/2022 11:30

dont waste anymore time on this twat

Whooshaagh · 18/05/2022 11:31

Is he Bernard Manning's love child.
He sounds dreadful.

frozendaisy · 18/05/2022 11:31

Each to their own. But he sounds just like dull boring hard work. Like you have to squeeze every bit of affection out of him.

Honestly OP concentrate on doing stand up, put you time into seeking out open mic nights. You are bound to meet someone more fun there. Surely!

PilatesPeach · 18/05/2022 11:33

@Whooshaagh thanks I really did lol at that 😂

OP posts:
MaryAndHerNet · 18/05/2022 11:33

Blimey.

Is this really the type of man your 15 year old self dreamt of? Really?

What an absolute fuck nugget.

pinkyredrose · 18/05/2022 11:33

Just dump him, he sounds awful.

BonesJones · 18/05/2022 11:34

Fucking hell, bin that one off! I think I'd maybe string it out a few dates to make some tiny penis / fat 'jokes' first but that's just me being a vindictive bitch.

NetflixAndSauvignonBlanc · 18/05/2022 11:35

PilatesPeach · 18/05/2022 11:30

Wow - hard work on the greeting thing? Expecting to say hello and maybe a kiss when you don't live together? Find this so normal -friends say hello so why not couples? Sometimes I arrive and he does not say anything at all to me.

My husband and I live together and we always kiss each other hello and goodbye every time.

This guy sounds like my horrible ex who told me he wasn't going to say "I love you" any more and that I could assume he loved me until he told me otherwise, which ended in him eventually cheating on me and telling me he didn't love me any more.

Workinghardeveryday · 18/05/2022 11:35

Can you actually imagine what it would be like in another year or two living together? You would do well with any interaction when he sees you.

Bin him off and find someone who is nice and treats you normally! What he is doing isn’t even basic manners is it…

every day you’re with him is another day you’re not meeting someone who is actually nice.

my husband was exactly the same especially with the jokes, always aimed at me. We were together 15 years. He never changed. He’s my ex now thankfully.

good luck, realise your own worth

User0610134049 · 18/05/2022 11:35

Dickhead and was thinking that before you got to the “joke” part anyway!
Cut him loose and move on
✂️

Workinghardeveryday · 18/05/2022 11:37

BonesJones · 18/05/2022 11:34

Fucking hell, bin that one off! I think I'd maybe string it out a few dates to make some tiny penis / fat 'jokes' first but that's just me being a vindictive bitch.

Yes, do that!! Definitely 😁. I would also throw in some bo issues too 😂

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 18/05/2022 11:38

He sounds really awful. If any man dared to criticise my weight etc in a negative way then I'd be out of that door so fast they wouldn't realise.

Please dump him if you haven't done so already.

Ihatethenewlook · 18/05/2022 11:39

Here’s my attempt at armchair psychology. He’s fat and a complete prick, and he knows he is. He’s punching above his weight with you and his insecurities can’t deal with it in a normal, grown up way. Instead of showing how much he appreciates you and making you feel special to make up for some of his shortcomings, he’s decided to sneak in some snide, belittling remarks under the guise of ‘jokes’ in an attempt to give your self esteem a battering so you don’t leave him. If you stay with him long enough you’ll start to believe that you are actually fat and worthless, no one else will want you and you actually deserve the abuse of this unpleasant cretin. Think of the boiling frog analogy. He’s got you in the pot and he’s just starting to turn the heat up. Get out now op, you can do better than this

Smartsub · 18/05/2022 11:40

PilatesPeach · 18/05/2022 11:30

Wow - hard work on the greeting thing? Expecting to say hello and maybe a kiss when you don't live together? Find this so normal -friends say hello so why not couples? Sometimes I arrive and he does not say anything at all to me.

I agree it's normal for some people. It's obviously not normal for him. If it's the sort of thing you feel the need to discuss, he's clearly not for you regardless of his odd humour

watcherintherye · 18/05/2022 11:44

From what you’ve said, he’s probably lacking in self-esteem and self conscious about his weight. That doesn’t give him a free pass, though. Like most bullies, he tries to make himself feel better by targeting other people. Run. It’s not your job to be his Aunt Sally.

EmmaH2022 · 18/05/2022 11:45

Ihatethenewlook · 18/05/2022 11:39

Here’s my attempt at armchair psychology. He’s fat and a complete prick, and he knows he is. He’s punching above his weight with you and his insecurities can’t deal with it in a normal, grown up way. Instead of showing how much he appreciates you and making you feel special to make up for some of his shortcomings, he’s decided to sneak in some snide, belittling remarks under the guise of ‘jokes’ in an attempt to give your self esteem a battering so you don’t leave him. If you stay with him long enough you’ll start to believe that you are actually fat and worthless, no one else will want you and you actually deserve the abuse of this unpleasant cretin. Think of the boiling frog analogy. He’s got you in the pot and he’s just starting to turn the heat up. Get out now op, you can do better than this

My money's on "just a wanker". If he was good looking, he'd behave the same way.

EcafTnuc · 18/05/2022 11:46

The joke in itself wouldn’t be an issue for me but me and DP often joke around like that. Coupled with everything else you’ve said he sounds like a twat. Get rid. Life is to short to be unhappy

standoctor · 18/05/2022 11:47

He made a joke that you not find amusing
Do not be such a snowflake

whynotwhatknot · 18/05/2022 11:49

I might have rolled my eyes at the first joke but altogether nah hes not the one is he

Blueberrywitch · 18/05/2022 11:50

I think it’s irrelevant whether or not the joke is funny, you should have to tell someone that you’d like a kiss hello…. Unless this is your first boyfriend I hope that a grown woman would have learnt the VERY important lesson of “if it’s a struggle in the beginning, RUN!” There are men out there who are broadly aligned on the basics and who take input and direction and meet you in the middle on the rest, please find one of those and put this one back in the sea!

KyaClark · 18/05/2022 11:50

The shit joke is the least of your problems.

Sunnygirl1 · 18/05/2022 11:50

Oopsiedaisyy · 18/05/2022 11:13

Dickhead.

And your needs for affection are never going to be met. End it

I agree

Blueberrywitch · 18/05/2022 11:51

*shouldn’t have to tell

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