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Original poster

Is this funny? Do I have no sense of humour?

171 replies

PilatesPeach · 18/05/2022 11:11

Been seeing a chap - he is rather impatient, brusque. For example, I have said on a number of occasions that it is normal in my experience, when couples meet up to do something or go somewhere (when they do not live together), that they would say hello and have a kiss or hug. Many people even do this with friends nowadays. Not something to be expected according to him and not a big deal - he said the other day that as we'd already spoken that day on the phone, why did I expect him to give me a kiss hello and say hi when we met up later that day. Instead he just asked me if I was ready and "let's go".

Then today - speaking on the phone, was saying how (and I appreciate I am generalising) that many women like non-sexual affection and that this contributes towards them wanting to have sex. I said some blokes can have sex with someone they don't like as they can overall be more sexually orientated whereas for many women this would not be the case to which he replied "yes I know they can as that's what I've been doing with you" and then said afterwards "joke - it's a joke, where's your sense of humour?"
I have a fantastic sense of humour - everyone who knows me says I am hilarious and should do stand up - did my sense of humour fail me this time or is he just a total dickhead? That is the way I am leaning! I have a self-deprecating sense of humour too - his humour is always aimed at me never at himself.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 18/05/2022 11:51

Ihatethenewlook · 18/05/2022 11:39

Here’s my attempt at armchair psychology. He’s fat and a complete prick, and he knows he is. He’s punching above his weight with you and his insecurities can’t deal with it in a normal, grown up way. Instead of showing how much he appreciates you and making you feel special to make up for some of his shortcomings, he’s decided to sneak in some snide, belittling remarks under the guise of ‘jokes’ in an attempt to give your self esteem a battering so you don’t leave him. If you stay with him long enough you’ll start to believe that you are actually fat and worthless, no one else will want you and you actually deserve the abuse of this unpleasant cretin. Think of the boiling frog analogy. He’s got you in the pot and he’s just starting to turn the heat up. Get out now op, you can do better than this

Brilliant. What she said.

User237845 · 18/05/2022 11:54

Run for the hills.

User237845 · 18/05/2022 11:56

PilatesPeach · 18/05/2022 11:30

Wow - hard work on the greeting thing? Expecting to say hello and maybe a kiss when you don't live together? Find this so normal -friends say hello so why not couples? Sometimes I arrive and he does not say anything at all to me.

This is deeply odd. Seriously, dump the loser. (I'd only read your OP before my first post. Read your others now. The fact that you're even doubting yourself is his work. Please leave him. This is not a normal loving relationship.)

AlmondyCookie · 18/05/2022 11:57

I would absolutely not be kissing this guy. Neither hello nor goodbye. And he needs to go. What possible appeal could he have to outweigh all that crap?

5000kilometers · 18/05/2022 11:58

Ihatethenewlook · 18/05/2022 11:39

Here’s my attempt at armchair psychology. He’s fat and a complete prick, and he knows he is. He’s punching above his weight with you and his insecurities can’t deal with it in a normal, grown up way. Instead of showing how much he appreciates you and making you feel special to make up for some of his shortcomings, he’s decided to sneak in some snide, belittling remarks under the guise of ‘jokes’ in an attempt to give your self esteem a battering so you don’t leave him. If you stay with him long enough you’ll start to believe that you are actually fat and worthless, no one else will want you and you actually deserve the abuse of this unpleasant cretin. Think of the boiling frog analogy. He’s got you in the pot and he’s just starting to turn the heat up. Get out now op, you can do better than this

Agree with this ^

The short summary is - he is negging you. Dump and move on!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 18/05/2022 11:59

Sounds like there is a lot of passive agressive shit/negging coming from him. My DH has the aforementioned large belly, and he is eternally grateful he is getting the conjugals at all. Your 'D'P should be very grateful he has pulled a partner with a smaller stomach (two of you with fat stomachs makes things very...creative in the bedroom. Ask me how I know Grin) I think you should settle for nothing less than being treated like the absolute Goddess that you are Flowers

Lunificent · 18/05/2022 11:59

Ewww. Get rid.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/05/2022 12:00

standoctor · 18/05/2022 11:47

He made a joke that you not find amusing
Do not be such a snowflake

Are you really saying that calling someone Porky/Chonker/Wide Load repeatedly is a joke, @standoctor, and women who are not happy with this are snowflakes?

@PilatesPeach - you deserve SO much better than this man - and you are definitely NOT a snowflake.

coconuthead · 18/05/2022 12:01

He sounds hideous, throw this one back!

iRun2eatCake · 18/05/2022 12:04

He sounds dreadful. If you're the butt of his "jokes" now and already feel worn down by him... think how crap you'll feel after several years.... and living with him.

Get out now whilst your self esteem is still intact

Gudbrand · 18/05/2022 12:05

He replied "yes I know they can as that's what I've been doing with you" and then said afterwards "joke - it's a joke, where's your sense of humour?"

Many a true word spoken in jest...

Then there's the overweight thing. That's not funny at all and most decent people know that making jokes about weight is off limits.

Anyway, whether he's a dickhead or not is largely irrelevant - two things don't match up here a) your senses of humour and b) your needs for affection in a relationship.
So throw this one back and move on.

Anyfeckinusername · 18/05/2022 12:05

The arrogance of some men.

I hate “being told” that something is funny. It’s MY shortcoming that I am not finding it funny 🤔hmm no it’s just you are not funny and in fact you are insulting.

rnsaslkih · 18/05/2022 12:06

Ihatethenewlook · 18/05/2022 11:39

Here’s my attempt at armchair psychology. He’s fat and a complete prick, and he knows he is. He’s punching above his weight with you and his insecurities can’t deal with it in a normal, grown up way. Instead of showing how much he appreciates you and making you feel special to make up for some of his shortcomings, he’s decided to sneak in some snide, belittling remarks under the guise of ‘jokes’ in an attempt to give your self esteem a battering so you don’t leave him. If you stay with him long enough you’ll start to believe that you are actually fat and worthless, no one else will want you and you actually deserve the abuse of this unpleasant cretin. Think of the boiling frog analogy. He’s got you in the pot and he’s just starting to turn the heat up. Get out now op, you can do better than this

I agree.

Get rid.

Mamapep · 18/05/2022 12:08

I would throw this one back.

Nannylovesshopping · 18/05/2022 12:08

Absolutely get rid and now!

MulberryBush700 · 18/05/2022 12:09

Yeah, maybe he thought he was joking but he clearly has no sense of humour and is a disrespectful twat. I think he sounds rather insecure and maybe trying to mask it by being "funny"? Either way, it's not on....

Chipperfish · 18/05/2022 12:10

Im sure the armchair psychology theory is close to the truth. But none of that is your problem. This isnt fun for you, it isnt working and you can do much better in finding a partner who sees eye to eye with you and is actually a pleasant experience.

Tell him negging is 20 years out of date, you just cant handle being with such a boor, and that his jokes just reveal his own insecurities. And good luck in future relationships

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 18/05/2022 12:10

Honestly, don’t waste your time with this insecure looser @PilatesPeach . He clearly tries to put you down and dress it as a joke, I could maybe tolerate it from a distant uncle but not a partner.

As PP said, you really don’t want another 5, 10, 15, 20 years of that do you?

DottyLittleRainbow · 18/05/2022 12:10

PilatesPeach · 18/05/2022 11:19

On the same call earlier he made a comment that I am overweight - not at all true am very slim and fit whereas he is overweight with a great big tummy that can make sex awkward but I would never dream or saying this to him. He thinking call me porky or chunko is hilarious and my asking him to refrain has no effect. If I go to sit on the sofa he says "back it up love, here comes the wide load"
Thanks all.

🚩

Calmdown14 · 18/05/2022 12:12

I think if you felt secure in his affections and he'd said it in the right tone while you were messing about and laughing then it could be seen as a joke (because it would so clearly not be true).

But you are emotionally incompatible and he isn't fulfilling what you need so whether he meant it or not is not really relevant. He doesn't make you feel secure in your relationship and so it's run its course

Intrigueddotcom · 18/05/2022 12:13

To be fair
he hasn’t exactly been leading you up the garden path. He’s been quite detached.
i suspect this comments slipped out and then when he realised that it was going to cause drama, he back tracked and couldn’t be bothered to deal with it at the time of the call. However I wouldn’t be surprised if that is precisely what he is doing

Intrigueddotcom · 18/05/2022 12:15

I have a fantastic sense of humour - everyone who knows me says I am hilarious and should do stand up -

please don’t ever actually verbalise this to anyone! 😂

StageRage · 18/05/2022 12:18

He sounds opinionated and self centred in his social / coupley behaviour.

But… were you being passive aggressive in your conversation about non sexual affection? Was it an engineered discussion designed to get him to behave differently? If so, it might have sounded patronising and being direct with Ho might be a better way to go.

AryaStarkWolf · 18/05/2022 12:19

He sounds like a peach....

thinkfast · 18/05/2022 12:20

I've lived with my DH for 20 years and we still greet each other with a hello and a hug and kiss.

I'd never be with someone who negged me the way you've described. It sounds horrible. Your partner should be your biggest fan.

These would be big red flags for me.