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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this funny? Do I have no sense of humour?

171 replies

PilatesPeach · 18/05/2022 11:11

Been seeing a chap - he is rather impatient, brusque. For example, I have said on a number of occasions that it is normal in my experience, when couples meet up to do something or go somewhere (when they do not live together), that they would say hello and have a kiss or hug. Many people even do this with friends nowadays. Not something to be expected according to him and not a big deal - he said the other day that as we'd already spoken that day on the phone, why did I expect him to give me a kiss hello and say hi when we met up later that day. Instead he just asked me if I was ready and "let's go".

Then today - speaking on the phone, was saying how (and I appreciate I am generalising) that many women like non-sexual affection and that this contributes towards them wanting to have sex. I said some blokes can have sex with someone they don't like as they can overall be more sexually orientated whereas for many women this would not be the case to which he replied "yes I know they can as that's what I've been doing with you" and then said afterwards "joke - it's a joke, where's your sense of humour?"
I have a fantastic sense of humour - everyone who knows me says I am hilarious and should do stand up - did my sense of humour fail me this time or is he just a total dickhead? That is the way I am leaning! I have a self-deprecating sense of humour too - his humour is always aimed at me never at himself.

OP posts:
IsThisRealLife12 · 18/05/2022 12:53

He keeps telling and showing you how little he thinks of you.

Stop wasting your time. Walk away.

DumDumDiddy · 18/05/2022 12:54

He sounds like an absolute dickhead.

Bin.

KettrickenSmiled · 18/05/2022 12:54

Why are you tying yourself in knots about whether his 'joke' is funny?

More to the point - why are you still 'seeing' a man who is "rather impatient, brusque"?

The world is full of patient, well-mannered men.
Dump this one, & if you don't immediately find a better one - stay single until you do.

Because no man is better than crap man.

reesewithoutaspoon · 18/05/2022 12:54

He has no affection for you. He's barely treating you as a doofer. Next time he makes a 'funny joke' look puzzled and challenge him, say "sorry what do you mean, can you explain the joke to me I don't get it". It makes the joker super uncomfortable when they have to verbalise their nastiness and try to justify it.

Kirstenwe456 · 18/05/2022 12:55

Bloody hell he sounds like a dickhead. That’s not funny, especially when you’ve only been on a few dates! Bin him off.

thisplaceisweird · 18/05/2022 12:55

Doesn't sound like you like him whatsoever, why are you with him??

Your comment I said some blokes can have sex with someone they don't like as they can overall be more sexually orientated whereas for many women this would not be the case was pretty sweeping though I wouldn't be surprised if i he got defensive hence the joke.

You both sound annoying tbh

KettrickenSmiled · 18/05/2022 12:56

PilatesPeach · 18/05/2022 11:19

On the same call earlier he made a comment that I am overweight - not at all true am very slim and fit whereas he is overweight with a great big tummy that can make sex awkward but I would never dream or saying this to him. He thinking call me porky or chunko is hilarious and my asking him to refrain has no effect. If I go to sit on the sofa he says "back it up love, here comes the wide load"
Thanks all.

AND YOU STUCK AROUND FOR MORE OF THAT?

Jeeze.

Please find a therapist to help you understand why your bar is so low - & raise it.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 18/05/2022 12:56

I would have given him the benefit of the doubt after the first comment - he’d be on a shoogly peg though.

The stuff in your next post though? He’d be out on his arse.

It doesn’t have to be Mills&Boon and hearts and flowers every two minutes. An affectionate joke is fine too.

But there also has to be a decent level of respect. And it doesn’t sound as though you even get that.

KatherineJaneway · 18/05/2022 12:56

The more you update the worse he sounds. I'd be ending it.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 18/05/2022 12:56

I would have given him the benefit of the doubt after the first comment - he’d be on a shoogly peg though.

The stuff in your next post though? He’d be out on his arse.

It doesn’t have to be Mills&Boon and hearts and flowers every two minutes. An affectionate joke is fine too.

But there also has to be a decent level of respect. And it doesn’t sound as though you even get that.

Lampan · 18/05/2022 12:57

Just out of interest, does he have any good points??

he sounds awful. How dare he?? I bet if you made a dig about his big gut he wouldn’t take it as a ‘joke’. Sounds like negging and trying to keep you in your place. Run for the hills.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 18/05/2022 12:57

Sorry - twilight zone duplicate post 🤨

reesewithoutaspoon · 18/05/2022 12:59

Forgive you because you used Shoogly peg and I haven't heard that for years. made me smile

catandcoffee · 18/05/2022 12:59

Dickhead

WimbyAce · 18/05/2022 13:00

Sounds like he is gonna be one of those that put you down all the time, get rid!

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 18/05/2022 13:00

reese 😊

Kiitos · 18/05/2022 13:00

If you need more affection than he will give you, it’s like constantly being rejected. Don’t put up with that.
What a catch, not. I bet he’s also the type to not smile in photos, and expect you to do all the running for him. Dump dump dump

catandcoffee · 18/05/2022 13:01

LetitiaLeghorn · 18/05/2022 12:36

You both sound like hard work to be honest. He seems rude and you seem quite rigid in your belief that other people should behave like you. You haven't said one nice things about him so clearly he's not the one for you.

really ? What a silly statement.

fruitbrewhaha · 18/05/2022 13:06

So he is cold and rude, makes shitty put down jokes and is so fat his stomach gets in the way of sex....................I think you can do better.

LemonPledge555 · 18/05/2022 13:07

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

ClawedButler · 18/05/2022 13:07

I always say that if you have to tell someone that what you just said was a joke, it wasn't.

Jokes, by definition, are funny. If nobody's laughing, least of all the target of the joke, it fails.

Fifi0102 · 18/05/2022 13:10

Combined with the other comments he's made. He's definitely "negging" you to lower your self esteem and so you become more malleable. Google it

lurkingfromhome · 18/05/2022 13:11

The far bigger issue than these specific examples is why you have set the bar so low for yourself that dating this unappealing loser is even considered as an option. I don't know you at all but I can tell you without any doubt that you can do far far better than that.

Bootothegoose · 18/05/2022 13:16

As I tell my children, it's only a joke if everyone is laughing. If not, it's unkind.

He's a twat and he either enjoys upsetting you or disregards your feelings. Either way, bin him.

One a seperate not, I am the same as you. After almost twenty years together, DH and I always kiss or hug in greeting no matter how often we've seen each other, same with the children.

You are not the weird one, he is.

skyeisthelimit · 18/05/2022 13:19

and you are with this guy because......

It's time to dump him and move on, he is not a nice person, he is rude and not at all funny. You won't get what you want from him.