Is this funny? Do I have no sense of humour?

[PilatesPeach]

Been seeing a chap - he is rather impatient, brusque. For example, I have said on a number of occasions that it is normal in my experience, when couples meet up to do something or go somewhere (when they do not live together), that they would say hello and have a kiss or hug. Many people even do this with friends nowadays. Not something to be expected according to him and not a big deal - he said the other day that as we'd already spoken that day on the phone, why did I expect him to give me a kiss hello and say hi when we met up later that day. Instead he just asked me if I was ready and "let's go".

Then today - speaking on the phone, was saying how (and I appreciate I am generalising) that many women like non-sexual affection and that this contributes towards them wanting to have sex. I said some blokes can have sex with someone they don't like as they can overall be more sexually orientated whereas for many women this would not be the case to which he replied "yes I know they can as that's what I've been doing with you" and then said afterwards "joke - it's a joke, where's your sense of humour?"
I have a fantastic sense of humour - everyone who knows me says I am hilarious and should do stand up - did my sense of humour fail me this time or is he just a total dickhead? That is the way I am leaning! I have a self-deprecating sense of humour too - his humour is always aimed at me never at himself.

The first joke /non joke I did find funny as have similar sense of humour (have learnt through the years not to verbalize it though as others can take it the wrong way).
The lack of affection, again, this is a bit like me so understand this bit. I'm just not a huggy/kissy type person.
BUT the constant jokes about your weight are seriously not funny and potentially quite damaging to your view of yourself. I have had an eating disorder in the past and know from experience that comments like he makes can be all it takes to bring it back. I'm so glad you describe yourself as slim as that shows you're not believing him yet (or hopefully ever).
You two don't seem very well matched by all accounts so I seriously think you should end it and move on as talking to him about it hasn't worked. Is there anything you do like about him? Genuine question!

I've only read half of the opening page, but can this thread be summed up as?

OP - "I am seeing a dickhead who has a number of characteristics which I - and most other people - would regard as somewhat unpleasant. What should I do?"

MN - "Don't date dickheads. LTB"

DUMP him already he is an arsehole and is trying to take your confidence away just because he is a insecure dickhead. He does not deserve you and he is making you already question yourself so he has the upper hand. Please just block him and move on as he is negging you and belittling you to make himself feel better. This will only get worse and why would you stay with him. You need to look up boundaries and red flags as there are plenty of red flags already. He sounds absolutely gross.

Oh no, please seriously consider ending this. If you are wanting a partner who is kind and caring, this is not him! You are worth more than this relationship xx

I’ve been with dh 12 years and we still kiss and hug when we come in after work. If he’s like this when the relationship is young, what’s it going to be like a few years down the line? I laughed when I read the here comes the wide load bit but only in shock that someone would be so awful to their girlfriend. Come on. You know you deserve better.

Definitely a dickhead then. Get rid of the idiot.

Please don’t be one of those women who stays with any old piece of garbage just because they need a man in their life. You sound like you are worth way more than this.

Are you for real? Are you desperate? He sounds hideous.

This is exactly how my ex was. Making 'jokes' that essentially negged every aspect of my life - my body, my clothes, the sex, my home, my kids, my family, my job. If I pulled him up on it, he'd say 'it's a joke, remember when we used to have those?'. But jokes are meant to be funny. Also, if you made a joke and he took it badly, you'd be horrified, right? Him suggesting you're overreacting is not a normal response. Similarly, the kiss hello isn't an unreasonable ask, and all you're doing is expressing a pretty simple, base-level love language and asking him, as your partner, to fulfil it. If he's disagreeing and also flipping it back on you, that's cruel. It was little things like this that gathered pace and eventually prompted me to look into Narcissistic abuse. I've recently started therapy for NA and my ex ticks every single box. Every single one. My therapist is appalled by his behaviour, even though she's heard hundreds of stories about NA. I'm not saying this is necessarily what your ex is, but I'd recommend keeping it in mind. Lots of luck. Oh, and remember, a partner should lift you up, not put you down x

It’s funny in context. This is exactly the sort of joke I’d make to my boyfriend of 4 years but it would be said in a silly voice and delivered with a wink and a kiss.
if he said it bluntly it certainly isn’t funny.

I'd suggest improving your life by stopping this questioning of yourself and your judgement. Honestly, why does it matter if you're "right" or "wrong"? If you're not happy with someone, especially if there's nothing in particular that's binding you to him (children, shared property, a long relationship), it doesn't matter if you're objectively "correct" to feel as you do. You don't need anyone else's "permission" to leave someone who you feel isn't right for you. If everyone on MN said his remarks were hilarious, it doesn't make you any happier with him, does it?

You don't find his "jokes" amusing. He doesn't show the kind of affection you crave. (If it's not great early in a relationship, I very much doubt it will ever get better!) It's enough that you're not satisfied with him as a boyfriend. You can try to find someone you're more compatible with.

A Glasgow kiss goodbye.

I was about to give him the benefit of the doubt and say maybe he was just joking and that's his type of humour as I have a relative like that who says things to shock and it is genuinely a joke.
However, I sae your next update and totally changed my mind. Definitely 100% get rid of him. He shows you no affrction and says you are overweight?? Sounds like a right weirdo.

Sorry this happened and he has turned out to be a strange one 💐

*saw

Nail on head!

Frazzled "I was about to give him the benefit of the doubt and say maybe he was just joking and that's his type of humour as I have a relative like that who says things to shock and it is genuinely a joke."

I'm curious to know how people respond to this?

Yeah, bin him off. I'd be tempted to give him some advice on how to behave as a decent human being also.

he is rather impatient, brusque

He sounds like an overbearing dickhead who likes to be in charge, and his behaviour isn't going to improve. In fact if he's like this early on in a relationship when you are supposed to be on your best behaviour to impress someone, what's he going to be like a few years down the line?

Bin this one.

That's not remotely funny. Why on earth are you with him?

Imagine the sort of insensitive father he'd be.

Sorry you've been made to doubt yourself OP. I think your instinct are right on the money here! He sounds like a total douche.

A rude joke like that might have landed better if he wasn't already giving off douche vibes to back it up!

Best wishes

OP, please leave him ASAP.

I stuck around for 3 months of horrible behaviour (feeling at the time that I deserved it - was in a very bad place after my divorce); it started with him saying things like, "I'm not as stupid as you look" & various other little slights & put-downs, then him 'cutting me down to size' if I ever dared to disagree with anything he said, telling me he'd diagnosed me with ADHD (er, no), shouting me down on a very busy street because he didn't like the way I'd looked at him, which increased in violence & intensity (including throwing drinks in my face) to the moment when he had his hand round my throat outside a bar (this was apparently just 'restraining' me - I wasn't attempting to hurt him, I wouldn't have stood a chance if I'd tried). He was/is a violent narcissist. I should have got out after date number 2, when he swore at me for some imagined slight. Hindsight is 20:20.

I agree with PP's that when people show you who they are, you should take notice. It's not you, it's him. Get out while the going's good - his behaviour will only get worse

He is brusque, impatient and doesn’t give the displays of affection you enjoy, not even after you have explained that you like them and would appreciate them.

The above alone would be enough to conclude you aren’t well suited and move on but he is also now negging you and attempting to gaslight you.

as other people have said, this behaviour might well be caused by his insecurities but that doesn’t make it ok. It’s low level abuse of you to boost his own ego. If you tolerate this it will escalate.

Every insult/joke/offhand greeting you accept is a green light for him to behave worse. End it now.

What's the attraction here? I don't get it at all.

Out of interest OP
do you have any children?