Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Inappropriate behaviour from a guy I am seeing?

312 replies

Charliec12 · 17/05/2022 22:14

I have been seeing a guy for 6 months now we are taking things slow and not official. He gets anger issues and has depression and drinking does not help. Last weekend we were at his ex girlfriend’s house for a bbq (he is still good friends with her). Anyway the ex girlf split up with her new partner that evening and he moved out. The partner who moved out blames the guy I am seeing for it all as he is good friends with this girl still and the guy I am seeing goes round there a lot still. Anyway I found out the next day that to wind the partner up who had moved out that night the guy I am seeing had decided to send messages to the partner about what he was doing in bed to his ex girlf who is also the guy I am seeing’s ex girlf too. I got sent the screenshots sadly. This is out of order isn’t it from the guy I am seeing even though we are not official? He was very drunk and said he did it to wind the ex partner up who had just split up with the girl. The partner I am seeing has not apologised to me about it either

OP posts:
Twillow · 18/05/2022 22:40

WALK AWAY.
No...
RUN.

Original poster
Charliec12 · 18/05/2022 22:41

youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/05/2022 22:39

You blocked him then OP?

Yep just heard he is back with his ex now 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/05/2022 22:46

How have you heard that then if you aren't in touch?

Who are you still contacting and talking about him with? I assume his friends are all pricks too as it sounds like he moved in those circles so I don't understand why you're engaging with them when you seem to have accepted he's an aggressive cokehead you should have nothing to do with.

Out of interest did you block him before you found out he's back with his ex or after?

MJ123 · 18/05/2022 23:36

You need serious help OP. Please seek counselling. Your DC deserve a mum who is present, role modelling healthy relationships and stable.

girlmom21 · 19/05/2022 06:07

Yep just heard he is back with his ex now

Stop talking to him. Stop talking about him.
Either fix your marriage or don't but sort that out before you worry about any other man.

Original poster
Charliec12 · 19/05/2022 06:29

youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/05/2022 22:46

How have you heard that then if you aren't in touch?

Who are you still contacting and talking about him with? I assume his friends are all pricks too as it sounds like he moved in those circles so I don't understand why you're engaging with them when you seem to have accepted he's an aggressive cokehead you should have nothing to do with.

Out of interest did you block him before you found out he's back with his ex or after?

Her ex told me that last night

OP posts:
Original poster
Charliec12 · 19/05/2022 06:30

girlmom21 · 19/05/2022 06:07

Yep just heard he is back with his ex now

Stop talking to him. Stop talking about him.
Either fix your marriage or don't but sort that out before you worry about any other man.

I am not talking to him it is the sane circle of friends which I have blocked too :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Charliec12 · 19/05/2022 06:31

MJ123 · 18/05/2022 23:36

You need serious help OP. Please seek counselling. Your DC deserve a mum who is present, role modelling healthy relationships and stable.

Thanks starting by getting away from junkies should help me too :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Charliec12 · 19/05/2022 06:33

BOOTS52 · 18/05/2022 20:27

Just dump his dickhead arse and move on and block. He does not even see you as a proper girlfriend and always around at his exes, how can you think this is all normal so much drama after so little time.

Yep it was far too much drama :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Charliec12 · 19/05/2022 06:34

girlmom21 · 19/05/2022 06:07

Yep just heard he is back with his ex now

Stop talking to him. Stop talking about him.
Either fix your marriage or don't but sort that out before you worry about any other man.

Totally agree :) Time to focus on if I can save my marriage now

OP posts:
Original poster
Charliec12 · 19/05/2022 06:36

Aquamarine1029 · 18/05/2022 21:01

ALL of this is your own doing. Being "you" is not something that has just happened. Everything you're dealing with are the consequences of the horrible choices you have made. Start making better choices and you won't have this bullshit in your life.

Show quote history

Totally agree but when you are in my situation then you will understand a bit more. I don’t go out looking for all of this grief it is my mindset

OP posts:
LisaSimpson77 · 19/05/2022 06:43

I'm afraid I stopped reading this at anger issues, depression and drinking.
Set your bar higher.

Original poster
Charliec12 · 19/05/2022 07:04

LisaSimpson77 · 19/05/2022 06:43

I'm afraid I stopped reading this at anger issues, depression and drinking.
Set your bar higher.

True :)

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 19/05/2022 08:23

This relentless cycle of bad decisions, fucked priorities, drugs and alcohol, violence and cheating is utterly, utterly bleak.

And in the middle are two very small children and a husband I suspect has no idea what’s going on.

If the OP hasn’t switched her attentions to some other scrote inside a week, or worse, back to the cokehead ex-shagger, I’ll eat every shoe I own.

Original poster
Charliec12 · 19/05/2022 09:01

Herejustforthisone · 19/05/2022 08:23

This relentless cycle of bad decisions, fucked priorities, drugs and alcohol, violence and cheating is utterly, utterly bleak.

And in the middle are two very small children and a husband I suspect has no idea what’s going on.

If the OP hasn’t switched her attentions to some other scrote inside a week, or worse, back to the cokehead ex-shagger, I’ll eat every shoe I own.

Nope because why would I tell my husband who I am seperated from about another fellow 🤔 are you going to video yourself eating your shoe if so I would love to see it

OP posts:
Puffalicious · 19/05/2022 09:50

Stop doing the 'poor me' bit. YOU have the power over your own life. Your priority is your children. Them and separating as best you can with dignity and care for everyone. Stop being so bloody selfish and self-pitying.

CPL593H · 19/05/2022 09:59

"I don’t go out looking for all of this grief it is my mindset". Your mindset doesn't exist in isolation from you and amazingly, you have control over it and your actions.

As far as I can make out, you have in the last few months gone from handwringing about the sexting ex boss to beating on the door of cokehead drunk in your lunch hour and even two days ago talk about that whole mess as if it is a relationship, concurrent with multiple separations and reconciliations with your "hubbie".

If you can't see that the only person responsible for this situation is in fact you, it is because you are not examining your own behaviour. It is probably easier to be on here justifying yourself, but it won't help you long term.

Original poster
Charliec12 · 19/05/2022 10:45

CPL593H · 19/05/2022 09:59

"I don’t go out looking for all of this grief it is my mindset". Your mindset doesn't exist in isolation from you and amazingly, you have control over it and your actions.

As far as I can make out, you have in the last few months gone from handwringing about the sexting ex boss to beating on the door of cokehead drunk in your lunch hour and even two days ago talk about that whole mess as if it is a relationship, concurrent with multiple separations and reconciliations with your "hubbie".

If you can't see that the only person responsible for this situation is in fact you, it is because you are not examining your own behaviour. It is probably easier to be on here justifying yourself, but it won't help you long term.

The work thing was last year and is definitely done now. I get what you mean but it isn’t that easy to break up my family so I am trying to hold it together the best way I can which obv isn’t working at all

OP posts:
Original poster
Charliec12 · 19/05/2022 10:47

Puffalicious · 19/05/2022 09:50

Stop doing the 'poor me' bit. YOU have the power over your own life. Your priority is your children. Them and separating as best you can with dignity and care for everyone. Stop being so bloody selfish and self-pitying.

The first part of your advice was great thanks :)

OP posts:
lancsgirl85 · 19/05/2022 14:28

Yep just heard he is back with his ex now

Absolute shocker. OP, she never was an "ex". You do know this, surely.

Original poster
Charliec12 · 19/05/2022 14:31

lancsgirl85 · 19/05/2022 14:28

Yep just heard he is back with his ex now

Absolute shocker. OP, she never was an "ex". You do know this, surely.

Yep all very messed up to be honest as you can tell :)

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 19/05/2022 15:19

Maybe his 'ex' is a little like OP's husband, in that she didn't know she was 'on a break' ...

Original poster
Charliec12 · 19/05/2022 15:22

KettrickenSmiled · 19/05/2022 15:19

Maybe his 'ex' is a little like OP's husband, in that she didn't know she was 'on a break' ...

My husband does know thank you :)

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/05/2022 15:24

OP he doesn't know you've been sleeping with a 'junkie' who has anger issues. You've said that yourself.

Original poster
Charliec12 · 19/05/2022 16:23

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/05/2022 15:24

OP he doesn't know you've been sleeping with a 'junkie' who has anger issues. You've said that yourself.

No point telling him that no and in the past anyway now

OP posts: