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Original poster

Inappropriate behaviour from a guy I am seeing?

312 replies

Charliec12 · 17/05/2022 22:14

I have been seeing a guy for 6 months now we are taking things slow and not official. He gets anger issues and has depression and drinking does not help. Last weekend we were at his ex girlfriend’s house for a bbq (he is still good friends with her). Anyway the ex girlf split up with her new partner that evening and he moved out. The partner who moved out blames the guy I am seeing for it all as he is good friends with this girl still and the guy I am seeing goes round there a lot still. Anyway I found out the next day that to wind the partner up who had moved out that night the guy I am seeing had decided to send messages to the partner about what he was doing in bed to his ex girlf who is also the guy I am seeing’s ex girlf too. I got sent the screenshots sadly. This is out of order isn’t it from the guy I am seeing even though we are not official? He was very drunk and said he did it to wind the ex partner up who had just split up with the girl. The partner I am seeing has not apologised to me about it either

OP posts:
lancsgirl85 · 18/05/2022 11:22

You're not his "friend" though if you've shagged him. And he is definitely not just "best friends" with this ex (oldest line in the book). He is shagging her. Honestly OP just get rid. He's a total waster. I can't find even one redeeming feature in this man from anything you've written about him. Not one.

Original poster
Charliec12 · 18/05/2022 11:23

CanofCant · 18/05/2022 11:15

This drama cannot be helping your self worth or esteem. You need to focus on yourself and your children but I don't think you're there yet.

Nope it was not great but got better however in the last week he has told me twice with the mood he is in he would like to hit the barman at his local pub and he has also been goading his ex’s partner Sat night 🙄

OP posts:
rnsaslkih · 18/05/2022 11:23

The drama and immaturity sounds beyond exhausting.

lancsgirl85 · 18/05/2022 11:25

@Charliec12

What are this man's good points? Genuine question. I honestly can't see them in anything you've said about him.

KettrickenSmiled · 18/05/2022 11:26

Because the ex wanted to meet me and as she is his best friend I agreed to it for him
& if he wanted you to jump off a cliff, would you do it - "for him"?

Yes (my husband is) aware I have a friend I see sometimes who has depression
But not aware that his wife, & the mother of his children, is on/off shagging a violent cokehead & associating with his lowlife cronies?
So ... NO then?

What would your husband feel if he knew about this OP?
What would he say, & do?
You say you want to leave him. Why are you still with him?

Fraaahnces · 18/05/2022 11:26

This man has literally zero redeeming features. Please regain enough self-esteem to remind yourself that £50 is an investment if it means getting rid.

CPL593H · 18/05/2022 11:29

"I have been seeing a guy for 6 months now we are taking things slow and not official."
This really isn't how any of us describe platonic friends OP. I don't think that your husband knows the truth at all, from what you're saying.

EcafTnuc · 18/05/2022 11:29

You all sound awful tbh

KettrickenSmiled · 18/05/2022 11:29

Yep he wanted me to meet his friends and I have already met some of his family too. I did it to impressive him as he wanted me to go with him but it has caused so many issues. He has told me he has not slept with his ex but hasn’t spoken to me since Monday apart from being curt to me. He is not talking as he is angry and will say something rude to me unless he cuts off

Why are you entertaining this tired, ludicrous shit?
Do you even know?
You need therapy. Get it sorted.

FFS - YOU HAVE CHILDREN. Do you not want to create a stable, happy home for them? That means concentrating on your career & their wellbeing,. Not hanging out with angry druggies who use you for money & bad sex.

lancsgirl85 · 18/05/2022 11:29

Fraaahnces · 18/05/2022 11:26

This man has literally zero redeeming features. Please regain enough self-esteem to remind yourself that £50 is an investment if it means getting rid.

This!

MrsJorahMormont · 18/05/2022 12:39

OP you really do need help now professionaly speaking. I'm actually reading this hoping you are a troll because the thought of this being your actual life is just insane.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/05/2022 12:43

KettrickenSmiled · 18/05/2022 11:26

Because the ex wanted to meet me and as she is his best friend I agreed to it for him
& if he wanted you to jump off a cliff, would you do it - "for him"?

Yes (my husband is) aware I have a friend I see sometimes who has depression
But not aware that his wife, & the mother of his children, is on/off shagging a violent cokehead & associating with his lowlife cronies?
So ... NO then?

What would your husband feel if he knew about this OP?
What would he say, & do?
You say you want to leave him. Why are you still with him?

All of this really.

Bananalanacake · 18/05/2022 13:29

Don't let him move in with you. Someone said he plays video games all day, does he work?

Original poster
Charliec12 · 18/05/2022 14:12

Well it is done now I tried to call him to finish it he heard my voice and put the phone down :)

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/05/2022 14:16

You really do need to have some counselling or something to work out why you were sleeping with a violent cokehead behind your husband's back.

And why you were more worried about him ignoring you / his drama with his ex than you were about the fact you were choosing to spend time with him at all.

Get a divorce. Get therapy. Prioritise your children.

KettrickenSmiled · 18/05/2022 14:23

Charliec12 · 18/05/2022 14:12

Well it is done now I tried to call him to finish it he heard my voice and put the phone down :)

It's not done.
Next time he breadcrumbs you, you'll be back.

If you had wanted it to be done, you wouldn't have called him.
You have texted, then blocked.

When you started this thread - what were you looking to get out of it OP?

Original poster
Charliec12 · 18/05/2022 14:28

youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/05/2022 14:16

You really do need to have some counselling or something to work out why you were sleeping with a violent cokehead behind your husband's back.

And why you were more worried about him ignoring you / his drama with his ex than you were about the fact you were choosing to spend time with him at all.

Get a divorce. Get therapy. Prioritise your children.

I haven’t been doing that I have been seperated from my husband

OP posts:
Original poster
Charliec12 · 18/05/2022 14:35

KettrickenSmiled · 18/05/2022 14:23

It's not done.
Next time he breadcrumbs you, you'll be back.

If you had wanted it to be done, you wouldn't have called him.
You have texted, then blocked.

When you started this thread - what were you looking to get out of it OP?

Show quote history

It is done yes he has made that clear to me that we are done by ignoring me. That’s what you get for trying to help a junkie I guess

OP posts:
CallMeNutribullet · 18/05/2022 14:38

OP where is your self respect? Where are your boundaries?

Seriously I say this with kindnesses, putting up with this shite is a sign that there's something unresolved you really need to deal with.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/05/2022 14:45

But why, as a mother of two in an already difficult position where you say you're separated but living together with your husband (who doesn't know you've been shagging a junkie and just thinks you have a mate with depression) did you even consider allowing him into your life?

Your kids need you to have much better boundaries so you need to take this seriously and look into why you've made these decisions, so you can avoid making them again.

You sound extremely vulnerable to a man flattering / love bombing you and have made a series of threads about three men who you've had unhealthy relationships with in the last couple of years. And you've been married to one of them throughout!

Isn't life too short to keep being with people who don't make you happy? Aren't your children too important to risk them growing up witnessing toxic relationships and a mum who is unhappy?

Counselling would be really beneficial to you IMO.

Original poster
Charliec12 · 18/05/2022 14:52

youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/05/2022 14:45

But why, as a mother of two in an already difficult position where you say you're separated but living together with your husband (who doesn't know you've been shagging a junkie and just thinks you have a mate with depression) did you even consider allowing him into your life?

Your kids need you to have much better boundaries so you need to take this seriously and look into why you've made these decisions, so you can avoid making them again.

You sound extremely vulnerable to a man flattering / love bombing you and have made a series of threads about three men who you've had unhealthy relationships with in the last couple of years. And you've been married to one of them throughout!

Isn't life too short to keep being with people who don't make you happy? Aren't your children too important to risk them growing up witnessing toxic relationships and a mum who is unhappy?

Counselling would be really beneficial to you IMO.

They haven’t witnessed any toxic relationships luckily and I guess this is what you get for trying to help a junkie

OP posts:
Lochjeda · 18/05/2022 15:11

You need to get some therapy or something this whole thing is madness and also extremely immature for a mother of 2 in their 40s.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/05/2022 15:32

They haven’t witnessed any toxic relationships luckily and I guess this is what you get for trying to help a junkie

But why in the midst of all the other stuff going on in your life, as described on your other threads, did you want to 'help a junkie'?

I'm not asking that to be a dick, I'm asking because the answer is important in order to stop you keep choosing to have sex with men who risk your career stability and mental wellbeing in one instance (supervisor) or safety and mental wellbeing in another (cokehead with an anger issue).

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 18/05/2022 15:40

How the hell do you even find time to meet up with such a waste of space as a separated-but-still-living-with-husband mother of two? And then you worry and dwell on his behaviour, going for a BBQ to his ex etc?

Original poster
Charliec12 · 18/05/2022 15:45

youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/05/2022 15:32

They haven’t witnessed any toxic relationships luckily and I guess this is what you get for trying to help a junkie

But why in the midst of all the other stuff going on in your life, as described on your other threads, did you want to 'help a junkie'?

I'm not asking that to be a dick, I'm asking because the answer is important in order to stop you keep choosing to have sex with men who risk your career stability and mental wellbeing in one instance (supervisor) or safety and mental wellbeing in another (cokehead with an anger issue).

I didn’t know he was that when I started seeing him. It has only been last Sat I found out he is taking coke daily

OP posts: