Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you go out with a short man?

371 replies

Maverick2022 · 06/05/2022 21:54

Not the most PC question, but....

Would you go out with a relatively short man eg I'm just under 5'6" and he's the same.

I've never gone out with a man the same height as me before, the prospect feels a bit odd. He's also v lightly built, which seems to emphasise it.

I've read that men routi eyes lie anoit height on dating sites etc due to mNy women's feelings about this/preferences etc.

How do you feel about it?

OP posts:
SmellyWellyWoo · 08/05/2022 15:50

If a woman says "I am attracted to tall men" that's fine and absolutely her choice.

It's what women say things like "I like tall men because they make me feel protected/looked after/like a woman" etc because I would question why the need that and why a physical trait is associated with those characteristics.

SmellyWellyWoo · 08/05/2022 15:52

@SnottyLottie that's a really bizarre aim in a grown woman to feel delicate. Surely all adults would aspire to be strong and resilient (in character), however tall/small/thin/fat etc they are? That's so odd. 🤔

SnottyLottie · 08/05/2022 15:54

@SmellyWellyWoo i think it’s odd that you feel everyone would want to be the same? What a boring world that would be 🙂

SmellyWellyWoo · 08/05/2022 15:57

@SnottyLottie but it's essentially someone aspiring to be weak? Or easily hurt? Or oppressed? Or absurd? No I don't think any adult should want to be those things.

I completely understand people find tall men attractive but to want to be seen as a weak person is very disturbing.

SmellyWellyWoo · 08/05/2022 15:57

Should say *abused not absurd.

SnottyLottie · 08/05/2022 16:01

@SmellyWellyWoo how do you account for people liking BDSM and being the submissive partner? Not everyone wants to be/like what you think they should be/like.

SmellyWellyWoo · 08/05/2022 16:03

But surely those are sexual preferences/role play and don't extend beyond the bedroom? I'm not an expert but just because someone is a sub/dom doesn't mean they actually live their ordinary lives in those roles? Isn't that the thrill- that it sex related?

AchatAVendre · 08/05/2022 16:07

Men discuss their sexual preferences all the time. As soon as women does it, they are told they are being shallow, they should give men they're not attracted to a chance, they are limiting their prospects of getting married, etc..

To me, being shallow is if you marry someone mainly for their money. Being physically attracted to someone is about as close to attraction unfettered by material interests as is possible.

SnottyLottie · 08/05/2022 16:09

So are you assuming that my preference of feeling delicate and protected with a strong, tall man isn’t sex/bedroom based?

SmallThingsEverywhere · 08/05/2022 16:29

I agree that some women may be offended by those of us who prefer tall men, because they are with short men and may feel slighted. We don’t all have to be attracted to the same type, so not sure what the problem is.

5128gap · 08/05/2022 16:42

SmellyWellyWoo · 08/05/2022 15:50

If a woman says "I am attracted to tall men" that's fine and absolutely her choice.

It's what women say things like "I like tall men because they make me feel protected/looked after/like a woman" etc because I would question why the need that and why a physical trait is associated with those characteristics.

I would imagine its because they feel unsafe from other men, and think being with a larger man offers some protection, and at a greater level than offered by a smaller weaker man. Which it typically does.
Women didn't make the world dangerous for ourselves, but we have to navigate it nonetheless. If some women feel safer in the presence of a trusted man who is physically able to ward off danger from other men, that's perfectly understandable, surely?

SmellyWellyWoo · 08/05/2022 17:31

Honestly I think women are more at risk of domestic abuse than from a random attack, so an overly controlling and protective partner would make me feel more at risk, not safer from men.

ParisNoir · 08/05/2022 17:50

It could be that women are attracted to "big" men - by that I mean tall/muscular because they perceive it as an indicator of testosterone. Studies have already shown that women are more attracted to men with typically masculine features (eg strong jaw) for this reason during ovulation as it indicates high testosterone which signals better fertility. Similar studies in men have found they are particularly attracted to a certain waist to hip ratio in a woman (hourglass shape) as that is also an indicator of healthy fertility. Now, I'm not saying this is the case for everyone but I think there are some biological indicators that make a person more subconsciously attractive to others. Pheromones are another good example of this.

5128gap · 08/05/2022 17:55

SmellyWellyWoo · 08/05/2022 17:31

Honestly I think women are more at risk of domestic abuse than from a random attack, so an overly controlling and protective partner would make me feel more at risk, not safer from men.

Well obviously statistics show that, but that doesn't mean that every single woman is actually at greater risk from her individual partner than she is from a strange man, or feels that she is. If you have a male partner, surely you feel less frightened of him than of a strange man approaching you in a dark street?
You are also conflating a man who has the physical ability to protect if needed, with a man who is 'protective', which you frame as 'controlling' when they are three entirely different things.

TossCointoYerWitcher · 13/05/2022 19:43

ParisNoir · 08/05/2022 17:50

It could be that women are attracted to "big" men - by that I mean tall/muscular because they perceive it as an indicator of testosterone. Studies have already shown that women are more attracted to men with typically masculine features (eg strong jaw) for this reason during ovulation as it indicates high testosterone which signals better fertility. Similar studies in men have found they are particularly attracted to a certain waist to hip ratio in a woman (hourglass shape) as that is also an indicator of healthy fertility. Now, I'm not saying this is the case for everyone but I think there are some biological indicators that make a person more subconsciously attractive to others. Pheromones are another good example of this.

The thing is, whilst there might be something in this, these examples inevitably lead to men claiming their attraction to younger women is the same, since youth=fertility. And that becomes “well, we can’t help what I’m attracted to - why should I date a person I just see as a friend?

BookFiend4Life · 13/05/2022 20:29

I have twice dated men that were shorter than me, in both cases they had massive chips on their shoulders about their heights. I really gave them a chance but I could get over their "woe is me" attitudes.

tallbirdy · 13/05/2022 20:39

I'm almost 6 foot and have never dated a borrower.

Yes, I'm a horrible shallow person who isn't attracted to men shorter than 5 foot 11. The men I have dated have ranged from 5 foot 11 to 6 foot 7. The last one was 6 foot one.

We all have preferences when it comes to dating. Some men like long legs, some men like blond hair, some men prefer petite women. I prefer tall men.

IForgiveYouPaula · 13/05/2022 21:43

My daughter is 5’10” and came home from PHSE and told me proudly “I’m taller than the average man”

NeedAHoliday2021 · 13/05/2022 21:48

I wouldn’t when I was younger. I’ll admit I was shallow. Now, at 40, if I met a guy who was sweet and made me laugh then his height wouldn’t bother me at all. Not being a prick is much more important to me.

Yellowhase · 14/05/2022 00:10

I’m petite so 5’6 is taller than me. I would and have been out with a guy that height quite stocky was my type so I was happy! But not sure how I would feel about a guy being the same height as me. Only you can answer that. I also would be put off I think if they were to tall!

BirdWatch · 14/05/2022 00:16

I wouldn't.

MurielSpriggs · 14/05/2022 00:18

I would never go out with a man shorter than me, no.

middleager · 14/05/2022 00:19

tallbirdy · 13/05/2022 20:39

I'm almost 6 foot and have never dated a borrower.

Yes, I'm a horrible shallow person who isn't attracted to men shorter than 5 foot 11. The men I have dated have ranged from 5 foot 11 to 6 foot 7. The last one was 6 foot one.

We all have preferences when it comes to dating. Some men like long legs, some men like blond hair, some men prefer petite women. I prefer tall men.

'Borrower'
Nice bit of height shaming there.

girljulian · 14/05/2022 00:23

Theoretically I think tall men look elegant but in reality I find it so annoying talking to a man six foot or over — it hurts your neck! And I’m not tiny — I’m 5’5. My dad is 5’8 and this has always seemed about the right height for a man to me. Husband is also 5’8!

tallbirdy · 14/05/2022 07:26

@middleager - it's just a joke. I've been called all sorts of height related things