HELP??

[Stargurl]

Hi everyone, I'm new here so please be nice. I am in a difficult and exasperating situation and just need to discuss it with people who can step back from the situation. I have been dating a guy (aged 29) for a few months. He told me he wants to be exclusive with me. He initiated initiated me and told me he likes me. However, he hardly ever texts me between dates and we seldom see each other any more often than every two weeks. I haven't heard a peep from him in three weeks...but I know he will eventually text asking me to meet up. In person he is absolutely amazing, he's funny, affectionate and fun. We are also physically intimate. I love spending time with with and never want it to end. But after we meet up I don't see nor hear from him for weeks. It doesn't help that i have strong feelings for him and they are just getting stronger. Any advice ? :/ xx

Basically yes. Exactly that.

and I agree with PP that best way to maybe keep him interested is to be unavailable, don’t msg him and say you are going to date others.

But do you really want to play those games?
Im sure you could do better - suggest you move on

Doesn’t sound like a flourishing relationship to me OP. You can’t force these things - if it’s not working, it’s not working.

I think maybe he does like you. That suggesting exclusivity works best for him (could be many reasons for this) and that he does have or wants to have feelings for you. But the strength of his feelings does not appear to be more than those you would have for a friend with benefits. It doesn’t sound like you are on his mind most of the day or even every day. He doesn’t consider you in his day to day choices and doesn’t seem to be wanting to develop your relationship. His actions do suggest that he isn’t working towards a relationship with you. I would talk to him and consider moving on if you are looking for a serious relationship

What did he get you for your birthday?

When you do see him what do you do?

Does he live far away from you?

Does he have a job on an oil rig?

You haven't heard from him for 3 weeks?! Is this a joke? And you think y
You are in a relationship? And exclusive. Wake up OP. He is playing you. Block him and find someone else.
And everyone saying he likes her - are you delusional? He isn't into you. Go find someone who can give you what you want.

I haven't at any point said we are in a relationship...? I said we are DATING and exclusive sex wise... (he said he wanted to be date and be exclusive, it was a two way decision and not just mine ...:/)

@Stargurl ... exclusive usually means you're in a relationship? What is this odd stage in between dating (which is not exclusive) and relationship (exclusive)?

Semi-relationship? Advanced dating? He just doesn't want you shagging anyone else but without any commitment from him.

Sorry but he's stitched you right up.

Where does he live?

to be date and be exclusive

Well, if you're exclusively dating, are you single or in a relationship? If neither, what are you in?

I find it hard to believe that OP is 29.

That's why I asked how old the op is. She says the partner/shag buddy/boyfriend is 29. I'm guessing younger. Much younger. Certainly experience wise.

He's done a proper number on her.

Does OP's age really matter? The advice is the same, regardless of how old she is. It's really not the salient issue, here.

No but I think she'd get more tailored advice.

Young naive first relationship - might get more sympathy.

As it is she comes across extremely naive and obtuse.

But she's doing the age old ignoring all the questions she doesn't want to answer and only the ones she wants to hear thing so I don't think it'll end well.

I mean... Thing is, if someone is really into you, they want to be with you practically all the time. You know that's true, because that's what you want.

He is motivated to say he really likes you and wants to be exclusive because he wants that from you! There are men who want there to be no strings on their side but strings on your side. I’ve experienced this, he said he wanted to be exclusive but was incredibly flakey. One evening I was so fed up at having not heard from him in ages, I decided to finish it and had a look in a dating site (not the one we met on) to reassure myself that there were other men out there. There he was - “online now” 🙄🙄. I finished it that night, just texted to say it wasn’t working for me but wished me all the best. He tried to persuade me to give it another go.

I'm 28.. not that my age is relevant. We met via online dating and as I've stipulated all along we are in this horrible annoying grey area where we aren't in a relationship but we are only seeing each other/only sleeping with one another .. I know it sounds odd but I know loads of girls my age who have been in this same 'seeing each other but not together ' thing. It seems to be a common thing for people who are in their twenties and who do online dating. It's still shit though.

I'm 28 and I've had two proper defined long term relationships ...one was 3.5 years and the second was 2 years. I am getting quite upset that I am being criticised by certain people in this thread who are implying I'm young , stupid and inexperienced. As mentioned above I'm 28 and have had two long term relationships... at the end of the day he told me he has feelings for me and wanted to be exclusive (and I believed him ) and I have strong feelings for him because of what he made me believe and I would appreciate if if people could give opinions or advice without bashing me. It's shit when you have feelings for someone and have a soft spot for them; you tend to give them chances over and over . Im only guilty of having feelings for someone who told me he had them too :/ If he's lied to and duped me why am I being attacked for that...? :/

You don't have to be in this situation, though. Take responsibility. If you don't like something, it's on you to leave, not to lament how sad the situation is for many people like you.

You're in charge. If you don't like it, get out. Nobody's forcing you to be there. You are upset about something you are actively choosing to put yourself through. Lots of unpleasant things happen to lots of people my age, too, but it doesn't mean I put up with that stuff myself.

You are not 'in this horrible grey area' together. You have chosen this grey area relationship that he offers you. If you want it to be different, tell him so. Why aren't you telling him what you want from the relationship, and asking him if he can offer you that? What stops you asking for what you want?

But where does he live? Is he nearby?

Another reason for him asking you to be exclusive is that he hopes you'll stop telling him to wear a condom.

He's almost certainly banging other people and probably pulls the same shit with them, so definitely insist condoms continue.

That's if you bother continuing to see him. I mean, I'd continue if the sex was good, on the understanding that it was casual. But I'm 49 and don't want a relationship. You sound like you want to find a long term, committed relationship. This is never going to be it, I'm sorry. It's best to finish it now, before you get more emotionally invested than you already are. The longer you leave it, the more it will hurt.

He lives in my city but he is from away. He visits his home town every few weeks.

Stargurl Did you see my post earlier today? I've been where you are. I was 26. I'm 40 now & am posting in kindness that you don't seem happy with the way things are & that is ok. You have a choice & a voice.

He might be telling the truth, none of us know. All we know is our own experiences & what you have told us, (& our experiences of men on old) & I think it's about 95% of this thread thinking that he isn't being truthful to you.

You don't owe any of us an explanation for your choices. I wish you all the best.

We Don't use condoms (and before everyone bashes me we stopped using them months ago after a long in person discussion in which he promised me he wouldn't sleep with anyone else but me and as we are dating I believed him...why wouldn't I have ?)

You can’t be serious?

I can't help it, I'm literally falling in love with him. I don't know how to stop that. I'd be devastated to never see nor hear from him again. This is why I started the thread- I love him and it's so hard because the situation is so bizarre and difficult but my feelings are there and they are strong and I want him to improve but I don't want to lose him. Surely everyone can understand that ?