HELP??

[Stargurl]

Hi everyone, I'm new here so please be nice. I am in a difficult and exasperating situation and just need to discuss it with people who can step back from the situation. I have been dating a guy (aged 29) for a few months. He told me he wants to be exclusive with me. He initiated initiated me and told me he likes me. However, he hardly ever texts me between dates and we seldom see each other any more often than every two weeks. I haven't heard a peep from him in three weeks...but I know he will eventually text asking me to meet up. In person he is absolutely amazing, he's funny, affectionate and fun. We are also physically intimate. I love spending time with with and never want it to end. But after we meet up I don't see nor hear from him for weeks. It doesn't help that i have strong feelings for him and they are just getting stronger. Any advice ? :/ xx

People a lot more wise and with a lot more experience than you are trying to help you see clearly what hurt you are risking by going down this route of "hoping he will step up".....he won't.

You know how you hear about women who send their life savings to men thry talk to online who say they are a Nigerian prince? And you wonder how on Earth they can fall for that? Do you personally think "oh those women must be so honest and trusting and good people" or do you think "how the hell could she fall for that?"

I don't think it's harsh. You're no being unkind but it is a harsh reality. Hope you've healed x

I don't even think this is a FWB set up. The clue is in the name - it has the word "friends" in it. Usually FWB you have more contact and they would return your call.

totallyoutnumbered Thank you, that's kind of you! I am all healed but it took a while.

I was a similar age to Stargurl, I'd had relationships before but hadn't been infatuated like I was with this one.

I'm 40 now so, sadly, know all to well about these men who say all the right things & mean not a word!

It does take a while though. Heartbreak, sadness, disbelief, anger. I'm no particular order and sometimes it comes and goes. I remember being triggered by a song in Boots about 2 years ago. Happily moved on from my cheating EXH but it still hit me out of nowhere. It was a song that he used to sing and he'd saved it on his other woman's phone as the ringtone for when he called her. A beautiful song I loved but hit me like a train. It really wouldn't now (pretty sure) I'm with my person now who wouldn't dream of treating me like that. Without talking about OP as if she's not here (sure she's still reading) I notice a lack of anger. Personally, I feel you need to get angry as that's your bodies way of saying boundaries have been crossed x

totallyoutnumbered Yes, you talk a lot of sense! I know what you mean about that song, I've had moments like that.

I agree about the anger. I used to get angry about my situation but then I'd talk myself out of it 'but he's busy/but he's not on his phone much, but I'll hear from him soon' etc.

The humiliation at knowing that he'd been cheating on me for all that time & that at least 2 (that I spoke to) of his friends were aware, helped me find my anger for real!

(I hope that's not the outcome for you though Stargurl, you still have the option of taking back the power & ending things)

Wondering if there is an update and if he responded to OPs IG messages last night.

So true about needing to feel angry in order to move on. Rather than trying to find excuses for him.

How’re you feeling today Stargurl?

You don’t need him to tell you any more where you stand. He’s shown you already.

No-one is busier than someone who doesn’t want to see you.

Accept it & move on because you’re worth it. Not because he’s forcing you to!

I doubt OP will be back.

Yes I agree - he probably contacted her.

I’m surprised that she hasn’t been back to say how wonderful everything is if that’s the case. Hopefully she’s blocked and decided to move on. I’m not very confident that’s what’s happened though.

I hope you’re ok @Stargurl