HELP??

[Stargurl]

Hi everyone, I'm new here so please be nice. I am in a difficult and exasperating situation and just need to discuss it with people who can step back from the situation. I have been dating a guy (aged 29) for a few months. He told me he wants to be exclusive with me. He initiated initiated me and told me he likes me. However, he hardly ever texts me between dates and we seldom see each other any more often than every two weeks. I haven't heard a peep from him in three weeks...but I know he will eventually text asking me to meet up. In person he is absolutely amazing, he's funny, affectionate and fun. We are also physically intimate. I love spending time with with and never want it to end. But after we meet up I don't see nor hear from him for weeks. It doesn't help that i have strong feelings for him and they are just getting stronger. Any advice ? :/ xx

Yep, if it's real she needs a good shake.

Hm I’m starting to feel this too.

No. I’m saying you’re too different from each other. He doesn’t want a relationship and you do. He’s not what you’re hoping he is and you’d be better off without him.

Before you date someone else, have a think about what you need from a relationship and make it clear to them within the first few weeks.

🙁 He really couldn’t be clearer. I hope you can do something fun for yourself instead.

Please wake up, he just wants you for sex!

You're easy sex, just have to date you every 2-3 weeks and don't have to be there for you emotionally.

He already put you in that box, not likely he will change his mind and see you as a serious girlfriend. Don't waste more time with him.

There's plenty of fish in the sea!

Because I'm a stupid pathetic person basically yeah

I am really shocked and genuinely HURT by the amount of people on here saying they think this thread is a joke or I'm making it up.. I'm not, this is my life and my current horrible situation. It isn't a lie. For everyone thinking this thread is a joke what on earth would I have to gain from making this up ? It's really upsetting me people saying its a joke. It's just making me more depressed as now I don't feel believed.

You have the mindset of a teenager, not someone 28 yrs old.

You urgently need to see a therapist. Maybe other people are taking advantage of you besides him.

Why would I make it up? It is true. I have nothing to gain from lying....

Why would I make it up ....? It's true. I have nothing to gain from lying:/

How do I have the mindset of a teenager ? Can you please expand?
I've been duped and lied to essentially for months, and used. I havent actually done anything wrong or nasty myself.

I don’t think you are lying about the thread itself, but I just think it’s a bit odd how all of a sudden he now posts an Instagram story after 3 weeks of his birthday post…has he not posted anything on his Instagram in the last 3 weeks whilst he’s been ignoring you? If he has then it makes this when situation even worse!

He hasnt posted anything in 3 weeks other than today xx

*whole situation even worse

Oh @Stargurl You've just seen all you need to know. He's preparing to celebrate his birthday without you.
In this day and age - there is absolutely no reasonable excuse for not replying to messages for 2/3 weeks at a time. Literally no one is that busy.
You are sat agonising over a man who doesn't even think of you for 3 weeks on end.
You've been "dating" for 9 months yet he can't be bothered to even let you know what his plans are for his birthday weekend.
Do not sit around waiting for this man to contact you - make your own plans for the weekend - do not message him to wish him a happy birthday - just do your own thing.

When he eventually does message you - think long and hard before you reply about how you have been feeling this whole time he's kept you waiting. No one deserves to be hanging on a string like this. You need to tell him that you need and deserve a more committed relationship than simply agreeing not to see other people. Lay out to him your minimum expectations - how frequent contact is comfortable for you. How often you would expect to see him. If his expectations don't match yours - then you are not meant for each other. As harsh as it sounds - it really can be that simple.

This thread must be the one that I've shook my head the most.
OP you are incredibly naive and despite every single pp telling you he's a user, you're still hanging on that he speaks to you.
Nobody can seriously think this is dating.
Block this idiot and never speak to him again, you're being a doormat.
Get therapy, you need it.

^I've been duped and lied to essentially for months, and used. I havent actually done anything wrong or nasty myself.*

The way he has treated you is rubbish. It looks like he’s dumped you (if you were in enough of a relationship to call it that) by ghosting which is not on. You’ve put up with some pretty rubbish behaviour for a long time, so think about what you’re going to tolerate and where your red lines are for your next relationship. Replying to a text or missed call within a day or so is an absolute minimum.

why do you think you need to have unprotected sex? Do you think this somehow makes the relationship more legitimate? Very bizarre

Sorry I don't understand what you mean? I don't THINK I have to have unprotected sex. We just discussed it months ago and decided we wanted to? That is what most people do eventually is it not ? Xx

I guess you're right :( I don't know what I've done to deserve this. I pride myself on being honest and kind. I really do try my best to be a good person. Why do I deserve to be lied to or used? It just makes me feel worthless.

Why therapy ?

I really appreciate this message. Thankyou. I definitely will have that conversation with him as you've put it whenever he eventually gets in touch.xx

He wrote on his insta story that it's his last chance today to relax before 3 weeks of exams and studying commencing next week .

Only if you both agree to start a family. Which would not be a good idea with someone so unavailable!!

I'm sure you are honest, kind and a good person. And, no, you don't deserve to be lied to.

Some people are selfish and simply don't care about using others. No matter how much you might want them to change, only they can change themselves.

You can learn to build up your self-worth though and protect yourself from predators like that.