HELP??

[Stargurl]

Hi everyone, I'm new here so please be nice. I am in a difficult and exasperating situation and just need to discuss it with people who can step back from the situation. I have been dating a guy (aged 29) for a few months. He told me he wants to be exclusive with me. He initiated initiated me and told me he likes me. However, he hardly ever texts me between dates and we seldom see each other any more often than every two weeks. I haven't heard a peep from him in three weeks...but I know he will eventually text asking me to meet up. In person he is absolutely amazing, he's funny, affectionate and fun. We are also physically intimate. I love spending time with with and never want it to end. But after we meet up I don't see nor hear from him for weeks. It doesn't help that i have strong feelings for him and they are just getting stronger. Any advice ? :/ xx

Ahhhhh don’t wait for him to get in touch! You know he’s active on his Instagram! Send a DM to say, nice birthday banner, contact me today or don’t bother contacting me again. It really is that simple OP, but you seem to be making excuses for getting in contact. You don’t NEED to wait for him to get in touch, just do it over text, voicemail or DM. Get it over and done with.

I really hope this is someone on a wind up because I can’t cope with how frustrating this is to read.

OP you're clearly really struggling which is so sad. I hope that what you have taken from this thread is that you are worth significantly more than what crumbs this man is offering. You deserve happiness and not to be treated like an option. He's not the man for the job but there are heaps out there that could be. I personally (from what little we know of you on here) feel that you could benefit from strengthening your boundaries and raising your self esteem. This is where therapy could come in really useful. It may be that your modelling behaviours in some way that a good therapist will be able to unpick with you. The right man won't leave you wondering where you stand. You'll know and feel that your his priority ( words mean nothing btw unless they're backed up by consistent actions). With the benefit of age and hindsight, be single until you find someone worthy of you. You certainly seem to have such an air of innocence about you which is not a bad thing but leaves you very vulnerable to men who only intend on looking after themselves. Personally, for what it's worth.. I'd block and delete this one. He doesn't deserve an explanation. He knows what he's doing is appallingly bad. Oh and like others have said, please get an STI check x

His insta story was put up about 6 hours ago now. As everyone is saying to contact him first I have messaged happy birthday and asked if everything is okay between us as I haven't heard from him for a few weeks and im not happy about it.
However, I'm telling you all now in advance that he won't open that message for a few days guaranteed. (Unfortunately for me ).

Thankyou for this message. It is really kind and non judgemental. Thankyou for that. I've never considered therapy before. This sort of things has never happened to me before in previous people I've dated. It's a first for me . I am very trusting by nature. I hugely value honesty and am always truthful with everyone in my life. So i guess for me I cannot comprehend why someone would want to lie and be deceitful. I really struggle to understand why someone would want want do that. Its also sad that I'm being punished for being trusting and honest. They are good qualities to possess yet I'm being criticised for being trusting and 'naive ' xx

Of course everything is not OK between you! You haven't heard from him for 3 weeks!!!! He hasn't even bothered to ring you back after all the missed calls. OMG OP do yourself a favour and lose his number.

I feel like this thread is such a waste of time. One person said reply to his insta (which was the worst advice ever) and out of all the replies saying block him, ignore him, leave it. The OP decides to take what that person says and do it. Honestly I despair. Good luck OP you're going to need it. I feel this is a pattern that will repeat (if this post is even real).

Why would you accept him not messaging you in 3 weeks. He hasn't given you a single thought in that time your sat there with birthday gifts for him waiting for him to throw you a scrap.

If he was locked up in prison he could still make contact with you if he wanted

He picked up his phone to post on Instagram, he couldn't even bother messaging you at that point so that throws the mad busy theory out of the window.
Block him. Remove him from your life, you deserve so much better than this.
This isn't a relationship he has zero respect for you, you seem to have none for yourself either which is sad, why do you think you don't deserve better than this.
Block him. He's ghosted you, he doesn't care, take back your dignity and block him

It’s not that he isn’t opening it…it’s that he’s choosing to ignore you. He has been on his phone as he’s posted on Instagram, he knows you have text him :( you are being ignored lovely. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just text back again now and say why aren’t you responding? I’ve wished you happy birthday can you be anymore ignorant?

The reason why people are saying harsh comments on here is because you are allowing yourself to be walked all over and you think it’s ok. So what if you text again? What’s it going to do? Stop him from texting you? Well, he doesn’t text anyway so it doesn’t bloody matter!

I don't accept it, I don't like it. But I guess I've just become conditioned to become used to it I suppose.

And I know you're right re the mad busy thing.

I can't even think about his birthday presents because it makes me want to cry. I put lots of thought into them, and some of them are personalised. I've put them in a drawer because it's making me upset looking at them.

I still am lost as to why you would eve want to arrange to meet him and talk! OK let's say he responds in 2 weeks. What then? That's 5 weeks you've wasted. He even said on his IG post he is studying the next few weeks, is busy and this is his last day of freedom and fun. Do you honestly think he will take time out to meet up with you? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Why not try changing that mind set ?
Could it be .. thank goodness I have realised I want I need and I deserve more than this

Could it be that you are the one to take control ? Block and delete him
Concentrate on friends , family , study , work

I say this kindly .. he's a prick

It is so embarrassing. I'm getting second hand embarrassment from this.

I just sent a basic v short message because I want him to respond so we can arrange a time to meet and have a face to face discussion, and I can give my ultimatum then to his face. Xx

Oh OP 😞
You don't have to understand him and why people do these things. Just find someone who doesn't. I'm not surprised you've sent him
An instagram message but I am saddened. People have gone out of their way to give you really solid advice and pretty much unanimous agree this man is not worth your time or heartbreak. People will lose patience. You don't have to take our advice. That's entirely your choice but there's a bunch of really strong and experienced women on here, who have been through similar letting you know this man is no good. No good will come of this relationship and it feels like watching a car crash in slow motion. It genuinely saddens me that you can't expect more for yourself and you're going to need. People are getting frustrated understandably. I really wish you all the best but please for the last time ditch this poor excuse for a man x

Because I want to ask him face to face if he will step up or not. I don't think he realises the affect its having on me. If he says he won't step up at least I know. I'll be able to gauge better from his facial expressions and tone of voice in person too as opposed to text message.

And I have no idea if I will see him whilst he's studying these next three weeks. I'd like to think so but I honestly don't know at this point. Xx

If he says he won't step up at least I know.

And what if (most likely scenario) he says he will 'step up'? You'll think oh yay he does care, shag him the day you see him and then he'll either continue exactly how he has been so far OR he'll be in touch slightly more often e.g. only ignoring you for a few days at a time instead of a few weeks at a time... and expect you to be grateful.

There's no way of this ending in a happy, healthy, equal relationship OP. No conversation with someone who hasn't been arsed in 8/9 months and is capable of ignoring you for 3 weeks is going to change that.

@Stargurl don’t get upset over something so trivial as presents. Anything personalised chuck in the bin right away and anything you can get refunded keep. This is just a blip in your life, you’ll move on and find someone decent.

Do you have many friends? It’s the weekend, go out, have fun, you never know you may gain a bit of Dutch courage and tell him to fuck off. Your too young to be getting upset over something like this and you are having a lucky escape now.

I have been in your position so I know it’s not as easy to just block and delete his number, but god I wouldn’t be down in the dumps waiting for a response, I’d be sending messages calling him out for what he is and then I’d be blocking and deleting.

No I wouldn't sleep with him. I said earlier I'm not doing that anymore at the moment until I feel more secure x

I'm at home with my little boy so can't go out xx

The longer you let him have control over this situation the bigger the impact will be on your sense of worthiness. Do you not think you're worth more than being an afterthought, a really long afterthought at that. You can take control of this right now by blocking him and removing him from your life. You're attached to him? You're attached to the glimmer of hope that he has fed you to string you along, to keep you chasing him. That isn't the real him. The real him is a manipulator who has used you for sex and knows just the right things to say and do to get what he wants. He is fully aware that he is ignoring all the texts and calls. He knows that you will have seen his social media posts, he is probably enjoying the ego boost of having you chasing him. Please do yourself a favour and cut him off, don't even give him the opportunity to explain in person, there really is no need, you are just feeding into his ego.

I agree that therapy would maybe help you understand how you have come to be in this situation so that you are better equipped to stop it in future.

OP, I know you’re trusting and see the best in people, but this man is a total cunt and he’s laughing at you.

And yet you still want to message him, wait weeks for a reply, then arrange a face to face (knowing full well you’ll have unprotected sex with him 😞) give him his gifts as they’re personalised, then give him an ultimatum, during which he talk to you around because he wants to keep you hanging as you’re a convenient and very willing shag and you’ll be back to square one.

I want to shake you, I really do. (Not in a menacing way).

So you have a little boy,can I suggest tomorrow you make a picnic and go to the park and enjoy your child.You don’t have time for this man who messes you around .Having a child changes everything I thought you were a teenager by your behaviour.Does this man want a small child in his life please say he doesn’t have children as well.

I'm flabbergasted you even want to see him face to face and give him an ultimatum. You keep making excuses for him "oh I don't think he realises this is having an effect one me". He KNOWS. 3 weeks no contact - has seen missed calls, not just one - several! I honestly think you're making a fool of yourself. Stop now