Dating thread 228: ribbons round a maypole

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Super @Badbaddog …I think it doesn’t really matter how you meet. We all go through stages in life. The chemistry was there and the sexual compatibility obviously. That’s hard to find . I think it’s wonderful you too are happy 😊

I too would think a bald canvass would be preferable…. He’s in his 50s though, I think there’s a bit of a generational aspect to it.

Im in my 50’s and have to admit I don’t really like the totally bald look, neatly trimmed would be my preference ( if asked)

I have noticed that there seems a move towards fully shaved for younger men, that might also be a generational thing, do women like a man to be trimmed or fully shaved these days?

I think this is a porn thing, where widely accessible porn influences men's opinion, which in turn leads women to torture ourselves with wax treatments.

I agree about the swinger sites, I stepped over to the dark side once (a few years ago) and met up with guy a few years younger than me, he was a true gent and the sex was pretty amazing. I don’t go on there now as I hate trawling through all the horrible photos of body parts and PVC gimp suits, but I do agree that it’s a great place to look for a hook up or FWB, it’s not just for swingers.

@hotnakedgelato

yes I did notice upthread that someone burned themselves with a bikini wax, ouch,
i did get frost burn on my fingers once from a co2 canister before, but nothing like that,
no back, sack & crack here, thank you very much !

I'd prefer not to have to pick hairs out of my teeth, but I'm really not all that bothered how the man looks. Clean. That's what matters. Please be clean. That's all.

This has become a smooth/ hairy debate now…I say…each to their own preferences. I think vulva with a bit of hair is ok. Vulva smooth too…whatever makes us feel better works. I think the issue is I went from marriage to steady boyfriend…so I prefer a steady relationship really, so swingers sires or FWB not for me 😳

I think the swingers site suited me as I wanted sex (my regular FWB had just fallen seriously ill) but I couldn’t face the fuckwittery of Tinder. If Mr B and I split then I’ll only use these sites, I really feel I’m too old/difficult to have a ‘normal’ full/time relationship and there aren’t many men who will accept part-time - Mr B is getting fed up as it is!

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow agree with pp, neat and clean is all I'm bothered about and tbh all I usually offer myself I've never been waxed and I don't think I could manage it. I have been accomodating of other requests mind, from fully au naturale to shaved, when asked politely. Mr D isn't bothered so I do what suits me from week to week. I swim a lot so usually neat.
@Mila14 I didn't think the swinging sites would be for me either but I was pleasantly surprised last time I was single and went on. My closest male friend originally came from there. We did have a ONS but firm friends now! It only got messy when I got involved with someone that I wanted more from ie a relationship but he didn't. He was honest about it so couldn't really complain, it hurt at the time though.

Most interesting and informative opinions, thank you @Heartbeats0708 and @Badbaddog .
@Heartbeats0708 …you still got caught in something emotional with that site and it got messy…
I totally understand @Badbaddog that you require special type of relationship where there are very few demands on your time or otherwise. It’s good to know such alternative is there. I’m sure Mr B will not let you go away…😊

I wanted a wax ! I’ve had them before and it’s summer .
but foR some reason they give me a different woman each time and this one went deep
and very hot
which wasn’t as exciting as it sounds 🤣

anyway it’s healed a bit now , it just happened when I was in a very bad mood anyway

but totally each to their own
and when I’m single , I ain’t waxing

al the other grooming yes but not that

Badbaddog

what are the best ones ? My friends about to divorce and she’s on illicit liasons(cheaters one )

i understand her logic to some extent as she doesn’t want to be seen mid proceedings - but what swingers one could she try ?

i think if she’s 100% open she will have better luck on Feeld (?) or fabswingers

{mention: pixie5121} I don’t agree that one woman’s choice perpetuates the pressure that other women feel - we should all be free to choose what we want to do “down there” and also not assume that those of us who go completely bare (or an approximation of that) do so to please men!

I’ve been a bit MIA on the thread as life’s been hectic with work, travel, parenting near-teens… one of whom has been having massive anxiety issues - unbelievably stressful. Am getting quite nervous about the impending teenage years!

Dating has very much taken a back seat - a few slightly uninspiring chats but I really don’t have much bandwidth. Have had a couple of chats with MrM but trying to park that post our recent “reunion”… organising a big birthday party at home in a few weeks and building work still not finished so lots of chaos to resolve between now and then!

@Stepcount and @hotnakedgelato fabulous to hear your positive tales of triumphant maypole action - hurrah!

I used Fabswingers but it was three years ago, I don’t know what it’s like now. Absolutely no need to put up photos are anything identifying.

ibelieveinmirrorballs

sorry to hear about your kid , yes it’s very very hard indeed . How is the anxiety manifesting ? My son started in year 5
it’s a tricky age and I hope you have
some resources to help you navigate ?

What happened with Mr M?? I missed this one?

@Mila14 yes, I went into it with my eyes wide open and really it's mostly very ordinary people on Fab etc and ultimately normal people have feelings too. I knew it wasn't impossible to find a relationship on there, as shown on this thread, and I thought we'd have been good together but it wasn't to be. The head and the heart don't always stay on the same page do they! (And with hindsight, he'd have been a dreadful boyfriend 😂)

Good it’s passed and you moved on fine! Minefield if you are looking for a committed relationship though

It feels endless. Therapy has just started, we've got an issue with hair pulling (eyelashes) aged 12 and just massive anxiety/panics. She's been like it since she was 7 although it's getting worse...

ibelieveinmirrorballs

hmm . I’m very sorry to hear that . Im
a few years into this too
I won’t pile lots of advice and suggestions as I know how ducking hard this is and how annoying well meant but misguided advice can be

but look after yourself , hard

make self care your religion- is this is very very tough , not easy , and you have to breathe through it

im on an amazing Facebook support group which has saved me

Thanks @Thisisworsethananticpated - happy for you to recommend FB group etc if you're happy to... Friday I had just finished work... 2 very long days travelling to meetings, then literally 10 meetings on Teams on Friday at home, clocked off at the end of the day and ten minutes later found myself in full on 'mental health nurse crisis mode' outside the house... not a minute to readjust or decompress from a series of very stressful work meetings and it was all I could do not to want to hide under the duvet all weekend... arggh.

Self care is something I'm already quite good at having given up drinking a few years ago... already do 9.30pm bedtimes, microdosing, meditation and all that jazz - am a bit worried I've got nothing in my arsenal left to rely on!

Thank you so much for this @ButterflyOfShay ❤️ I’ve never looked at it this way before, so I will try thinking like this in the future.

i think one of the issues I have thinking about it, is telling someone I’m serious about as I know people can be cruel. I know I should stop thinking about that until i’m at that stage with someone. I’ve got plenty of time on my side so I’m still hopeful 😃😘

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I hope so ❤️😘

@hotnakedgelato I get what you mean now. I think I worry about wanting to see what it’s all about too, but then I reason with myself that I want to get to know someone properly first, before thinking about DTD. Also I want to take my time to meet the right person and make sure that I’m settled myself.

Thank you for all the supportive viewpoints. You’ve got me thinking about it in a different way so I’m very grateful for that ❤️😘