Page 32 | Dating thread 228: ribbons round a maypole

ButterflyOfShay · 2022-05-02T19:16:13+00:00

The Rules: The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. Develop a thick skin. Do not invest emotionally too soon. It's all BS until it actually happens. Trust your gut instinct. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. Know your worth. If it's not fun, stop. Loo update is mandatory. No dating the thread. Treat others as you'd like to be treated Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Mila14 · 17/05/2022 09:06

JangolinaPitt · 17/05/2022 05:22

Long post alert!
Very nervous /signed up to Bumble!
Have been seeing a gorgeous guy in RL which has been fantastic and got me out of my dead marriage (we were separated for years but living in the same house and genuinely leading separate lives till kids were grown). Was not expecting to ever have a relationship again so this has been an amazing few months and I am happily now living on my own with amicable split from STBXH. However Mr Rocket as I shall call him has had a very traumatic life and is damaged - yearns for commitment but runs away from it. He freely admits he is insecure and needs constant reassurance. Previous girlfriends have given up on him after the first flush of attraction (he is gorgeous physically) and it is obvious that he has rarely had sex. He does try, has gained confidence and there is improvement in the ED department.
However… when we discussed online dating he said he could never do it, snd I can see he would not be able to do the chasing and chat up.Also told me he wasn’t seeing anyone else. We have a have a large circle of common friends from hobby who assume we are a couple. A couple of nights ago he late meeting me -not that unusual but later when he was about to leave and couldn’t find his phone I found it in another room and there were messages on the hone screen. Yes I shouldn’t have looked but I did. One was a text from a number, not a name saying ‘lovely to see you yesterday, hope you made it to your early start today x’ (Anyone on here recognise that message?? 😀😀sent early Sunday evening in London? 😀)
So I guessed he had met her and told her he had an early start next day hence leaving her early evening - NOT that he was going to meet his girlfriend 😀The fact it was a number not a name made me think is clearly a new hook up -or maybe some he just met there is a bar or somewhere snd gave her his number - which isn’t good!
Also on the Lock Screen was a news item about relationships /didn’t recognise the logo but when he had gone I thought about it and that if he is in a dating site it would be Bumble as he looks good in pics and would probably get some attention without effort. Bingo! Looked it up and it was that logo. So even if he is just getting news notifications he has at some point signed up which he told me he gad never done.
so two ginormous red flags.
Not surprised because I feel he needs to sabotage me everything - relationships/jobs etc.
So I signed up myself on a whim and got three matches. Am incognito but curious to see if his profile pops up!
A year ago I couldn’t have done this but gave do much more confidence than then so he has definitely been a force for the good but the magic was tarnishing bd this has definitely killed the magic and I feel strangely relieved and liberated.
But now I have to decide what to do about actually messaging the matches - would like to dip my toe in and coffee on a very low key way and see what happens.

Jesus Jangolina… I totally get him being a help as you were going through separation and divorce. It’s amazing he needs so much re assurance and you even had to deal with his ED. As he’s becoming stronger somehow…he’s ready to fly the nest. Let him go. He lied to you about OLD anyway. That’s a silly thing to do. You can do better

Thisisworsethananticpated · 17/05/2022 09:09

IodineQueen
i cannot recommend it enough
so last year went one walking date with a chap who I didn’t fancy but was nice
it was such a nice walk , we saw rabbits !
and the gummie helped 🤣

so I didn’t fancy him , but we had such a lovely walk it wasn’t a waste of time and was pleasant for both IYSWIM

I had an argument with a man OLD a few weeks back as he wanted drinks not a walk !
we deleted

anyway each to their own

Original poster

ButterflyOfShay · 17/05/2022 09:10

Good luck @Daydreamscometrue you’ve had more than your fair share of twats!!!

looking forward to hearing about everyone’s dates!! 🤩 @Eesha ! 👟👟

OP posts:

Original poster

ButterflyOfShay · 17/05/2022 09:12

hotnakedgelato · 17/05/2022 06:47

@ pixie5121
this is scary, and exactly what I am afraid of. There are so many things that could go wrong with this.

Mr S seemingly was going to stay up late texting me while I do chores to keep me company, despite both of us having had late nights and early starts two days in a row. I told him to sleep. Already feeling a tiny bit stifled😬. Will be interesting to see how it is to meet each others' friends and do other things that involve life integration.

Easy to feel stifled and a bit negative when you’re tired.. we all need time to ourselves to recharge 💛

OP posts:

Original poster

ButterflyOfShay · 17/05/2022 09:14

Thisisworsethananticpated · 17/05/2022 08:00

Regarding all the SEX
I’ve had a blip as
(a) worried about son
(b) keep getting period
(c) got minor burns from the most horrific bikini wax yesterday
she elected to give me a ‘hot wax’ and my lord

she then blew on it to cook it down 🤣
I’d actually prefer a cone biopsy or a dental appt to that horror

what does everyone else do ?
im feeling angry 😡 abiut this shit today
it’s not self care
it’s torture

Jesus!!! That is horrendous!!!!! Xx

OP posts:

Mila14 · 17/05/2022 09:22

Lovemusic33 · 17/05/2022 08:31

I hopefully have a 2nd date this week but struggling with the fact he doesn’t really do texting or messaging. Communication has been pretty rubbish from the start, I just don’t think he does texting, hardly spoke to him after our last date, kind of got it into my head that he wasn’t interested and then out of the blue he messages asking if I wanted to go out last week, it was last minute and I was already busy). I really like him but feeling a bit confused about the lack of effort on his part so have been keeping my options open and I have been chatting to someone else (a back up plan).
So if I do go on a 2nd date do I mention to him that I’m finding the lack of texting odd? Do I ask him what his plans are? I have a itch that needs itching but I don’t want to jump on him and scare him off as I have no idea if he feels the same.

My other iron lives a bit further away, is quite a bit older than me but we have quite a lot in common, we have been chatting on Tinder but not arranged to meet yet.

Also had someone I dated several year back get in touch with me and wants to meet up for a few days (he lives quite far away), he’s not someone I would want a relationship with but he was a good sh#g 🤣.

i think when the guy does not bother texting at all he has better irons. I admit I go quite quiet too on the testing front when I have better options. So if someone is not willing to communicate or I am not willing to communicate…it doesn’t bode well

Mila14 · 17/05/2022 09:28

Thisisworsethananticpated · 17/05/2022 08:00

Regarding all the SEX
I’ve had a blip as
(a) worried about son
(b) keep getting period
(c) got minor burns from the most horrific bikini wax yesterday
she elected to give me a ‘hot wax’ and my lord

she then blew on it to cook it down 🤣
I’d actually prefer a cone biopsy or a dental appt to that horror

what does everyone else do ?
im feeling angry 😡 abiut this shit today
it’s not self care
it’s torture

Ouch @Thisisworsethananticpated . I personally had laser and what little is left is very easy to remove with warm wax. But…I go au naturel if I don’t think there will be action. Are you still meeting your iron? Period is a no no unless it’s someone you have a proper relationship with. You can do other things like going for dinner, walk etc…where no sex is involved

IodineQueen · 17/05/2022 09:34

Is the done thing these days to wax that area then? If so I’m never going to get a boyfriend 🤣

hotnakedgelato · 17/05/2022 09:35

Thisisworsethananticpated · 17/05/2022 08:00

Regarding all the SEX
I’ve had a blip as
(a) worried about son
(b) keep getting period
(c) got minor burns from the most horrific bikini wax yesterday
she elected to give me a ‘hot wax’ and my lord

she then blew on it to cook it down 🤣
I’d actually prefer a cone biopsy or a dental appt to that horror

what does everyone else do ?
im feeling angry 😡 abiut this shit today
it’s not self care
it’s torture

I do hot wax, but I go to the same place every time as I know that they are good. I think it's super bizarre that women put themselves through this and I definitely don't consider it self care. It's more meeting an artificial obligation, but I feel that I am not meeting minimum beauty standards if I don't do it.

Personally, I think it's a bit pathetic if a man has a problem with my period. I wouldn't expect oral or anything (in fact, would find this gross), but a bit of PIV sex should not be a problem if you're seeing each other regularly, especially on low flow days. FFS, women spend 20-25% of life on their periods!

Shunter350 · 17/05/2022 10:05

Stayingstrongish · 17/05/2022 08:31

There’s no need to put yourself through pain just to meet some impossible standard. In my experience most guys are just happy with sex and affection.

Absolutely this.. hot wax., wtf!
As a guy ( for reference) don't do it on behalf of any man.
I can understand that maybe you will feel a boost in self confidence but a decent guy won't give two hoots.
A wee bit of gardening is suffice..

Lovemusic33 · 17/05/2022 10:11

Mila14 I’m not sure he has any other irons, he hasn’t been online (POF) since our first date and like me he has been single a looooong time, without sounding mean ‘I don’t think he’s good looking enough to have many irons on the go’ 😬. I do think he might be a bit lazy and very laid back which probably isn’t a great thing. Face to face he is really chatty but not online.

Lovemusic33 · 17/05/2022 10:13

I attempted a hot wax on myself several years ago, i think the neighbours must have thought I was being tortured, I didn’t get far and will never allow hot wax ne’er my foof ever again. I just neatly trim, if they don’t like it then tough 🤣, I can’t be dealing with the grow back after shaving and waxing isn’t for me.

IodineQueen · 17/05/2022 10:18

I do a bit of gardening but I do that regardless of whether I’m in a relationship or not! I don’t fancy waxing/shaving and all the soreness and ingrown hair that seems to go with it.

Eesha · 17/05/2022 10:20

@Thisisworsethananticpated have you been anywhere that does lycon wax, it's hardly painful and the one my place uses smells of chocolate. Are you in London? I can recommend my place.

Badbaddog · 17/05/2022 10:45

I used to hot wax at a salon and I quite enjoyed the experience and the lovely smoothness. I did it for a man the first time, then for me. But Mr B confessed after 6 months that he much prefers me au naturel. As the natural look at that point coincided with him becoming very enthusiastic about oral sex, I obviously decided to go for it. Each to his own! Saves time and money too 😂.

I’ve been quiet on the thread for a while as I went on a big trip through Europe and Africa. My god it feels good to travel again! I kept up with the highs and lows of our lovely thread people throughout though, some lovely results from calmness and persistence @hotnakedgelato and @Stepcount 🥰

Mila14 · 17/05/2022 11:33

Great update @Badbaddog . Did you meet your mr B through OLD? Have you done these amazing trips with him too? If so… many congrats . About waxing. I don’t mind keeping myself smooth but if the preference of my love interest was let it grow… I would “ a bit “ 😂😂😂

Badbaddog · 17/05/2022 12:24

Mila14 · 17/05/2022 11:33

Great update @Badbaddog . Did you meet your mr B through OLD? Have you done these amazing trips with him too? If so… many congrats . About waxing. I don’t mind keeping myself smooth but if the preference of my love interest was let it grow… I would “ a bit “ 😂😂😂

No, I went with some family members, all a lot younger than me - I did struggle a bit to keep up! Mr B got left behind. He said he was jealous but the fact is he is too lazy/too fond of beer for a trip like that. It’s a problem between us. I have my adventures with my friends and family, he is the hearth I come home to, but eventually I think we will both tire of that setup.

And yes, he came from OLD though a swinging site rather than a swiping one. Seems hard to believe now!

Mila14 · 17/05/2022 12:43

Super @Badbaddog … you met him in swinging site 😱😎😎😎😈😈😈… really adventurous stuff. The thing is that you have a proper relationship now but without massive commitment from what I can gather. It’s great you go away with family and friends too. I’d be unhappy with guy that wants to sit and have his beer and usual set up but I think you make it work by going away yourself and have best of both worlds. You really look like a very sorted lady. Congrats!

WeWantTheFinestWines · 17/05/2022 14:20

So badbaddog, Mr B's enthusiasm for oral caused you to go natural and not remove hair? That's the exact opposite to my experience, where giver of oral preferred a barenaked lady, as it were... Which kind of makes sense to me and I quite like the feeling myself now but don't keep it up because pain/money/hassle/single.

Note that I'm far more interested in the state of your nether regions than your amazing travelling experience.

Mila14 · 17/05/2022 14:24

WeWantTheFinestWines · 17/05/2022 14:20

So badbaddog, Mr B's enthusiasm for oral caused you to go natural and not remove hair? That's the exact opposite to my experience, where giver of oral preferred a barenaked lady, as it were... Which kind of makes sense to me and I quite like the feeling myself now but don't keep it up because pain/money/hassle/single.

Note that I'm far more interested in the state of your nether regions than your amazing travelling experience.

@We

Mila14 · 17/05/2022 14:27

@WeWantTheFinestWines …post got erased…I agree we are more interested in hairy/smooth nether regions… but also😂😂😂😂..@Badbaddog got her love interest in a swingers OLD site… WTF???
im trying to look serious at work while typing this PEOPLE!!

SortingItOut · 17/05/2022 15:01

@Mila14 Quite a few past and present members found partners on swinging sites including myself.

Please remember that most swinging sites also encompass casual sex just between 2 people, not everyone is meeting for swinging.

Penguinwaddler · 17/05/2022 15:15

Hello everyone! Ooh there's been a lot to catch up on.. funny how the weekend was quite the boner fest..! I also DTD at the weekend with Mr Hipster... It was a fab night, met for dinner, drinks (a LOT of wine) then stayed up until 5am talking, in bed etc.

It was very nice but he mentioned being exclusive which was quite awkward as I'm not ready for that and we've only known each other for about a month(!!).

And being on topic with the waxing etc, I'm booked in for a sugar wax (much less painful and very effective than hot wax!) so I've been letting it all grow out which didn't make me feel that enthralled about sex, but the wine and good conversation swayed me 🙄

I will say I am slightly concerned though. For a man in his 40s, Mr Hipster seems quite 'young' in the sense that he seems more like a bloke in his early 30s (never lived alone or with a partner before, previous relationship seemed relatively immature). It makes me wonder if I would have to drive the relationship or be the one to make adult decisions etc.

Mila14 · 17/05/2022 15:26

SortingItOut · 17/05/2022 15:01

@Mila14 Quite a few past and present members found partners on swinging sites including myself.

Please remember that most swinging sites also encompass casual sex just between 2 people, not everyone is meeting for swinging.

Wow… eye opener …

Badbaddog · 17/05/2022 16:40

I don’t understand it either @Mila14, I too would think a bald canvass would be preferable…. He’s in his 50s though, I think there’s a bit of a generational aspect to it. And just personal preference. Who am I to argue? 😂

sorry to put you off your work! The big plus of swingers sites I found is that people are honest about why they’re there. You start with sex and anything else develops over time, as it did with Mr B. In so many ways we are chalk and cheese, but in a few core ways we are made for each other 🤷‍♀️