Dating thread 228: ribbons round a maypole

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Brightstar29

I’ve read that book and understand where you are coming from 💯
and I tend to go for chemistry also
so I have no useful advice !!!!
In fact , ignore me 🤣🔥

@Thisisworsethananticpated I think I have become more wary about initial chemistry, as I want to build something with someone again and not get sucked in and get hurt. It’s so hard though because that goes against your natural instinct.

Brightstar29

maybe cross ref the chemistry against them having non toxic male attributes ?

sorry for any men in this thread as it must be weird reading a list of ‘toxic men’ traits
as both genders exhibit them…..

but as women we’d be idiots to not be mindful about this , given what we know

I’ve missed a load I’m sure but off top of my head …

equal gender roles
considerate when tired and Ill, not in mood , stressed etc
able to listen
how they express less positive emotions (anger , jealousy , shame )
anger management
sexual consent and how this plays out in the bedroom
healthy relationships in their life
how they speak of other women , public eye

fairness and finances

Very happy for you both gelato - your new username is now more appropriate than ever 😊

@Thisisworsethananticpated

its difficult because neither of them have any obvious red flags, get on with them both great. Seeing the one I’ve got drunk with again for date 3 on Friday but we are doing an activity this time. Will be seeing the other one again too, he messaged me last night saying he can’t wait to see me again, yesterday was date number 5.

im also wondering how long I can actually keep this up. Still not yet dtd with either.

Amazing updates 🥰🥰 so glad to hear there are many slices of boner pie being consumed right now!! Place your bets on if its its going to be a hat-trick and I see any on holiday!!😅😅
its very, VERY unlikely that I would shag anyone on holiday as I’m so irritatingly and frustratingly reserved !! 😩 but if i see one ill be happy and I’ll definitely be on the hunt for flirting like a beast a and maybe a snog 😄😄

@hotnakedgelato I honestly thought he was just a bit anxious, I reckon he’s quite over awed by you!! Was it worth the wait though?? Nice chemistry? 🥰🥰

Talking about it is bringing up memories for me too!! Mad times haha x

@lesgalettes 💐💐 bollocks to mr interview xx

Brightstar29

if that’s the case then in your situation I’d go for the one I fancy more ! If no red flags 🚩

Spot on @Thisisworsethananticpated
im afraid I am a sucker for physical attraction. Chemistry has been my main thing. So I am trying to see what else matter with my 2 irons still on the scene. Mr Silverfox it’s all attraction and not much else since we are not messaging daily now ( after I heard he lives with his mom and is so secretive)
my new iron mr W has been messaging all weekend and sending pics with kids etc. i like him a lot. Let’s see how this develops
Next week I’m seeing everyone 😱
By the way, I bought the book after seeing it mentioned here ( reading it now) women who love too much… I see a lot valuable points there
@Brightstar29 … you have a very good problem. Seriously. Hang on in there and keep dating both irons !

Mila14
so how many dates have you got lined up !?

@Thisisworsethananticpated . I’m seeing Mr Smile ( 3rd date), mr W ( 1st date) and perhaps silver Fox just out of curiosity as he said he would come clean on who he is before we meet… I doubt it though

good Work 😁

It’s hard because I’m feeling bad on them both as well as they both seem keen

I know you do but ultimately you want to take the right decision. You are not ready and you can’t be hurried. If it makes you feel better … would you tell them there’s someone else and you are not 100% sure to plunge in?? I think it’s too early to do such a thing but you are agonizing about these 2 guys…I can’t tell you what to do but only what I would do. Stay with the 2 until I’m clear

@Mila14 Mr W sending photos of his kids is a red flag this early on unless it's just the back of their heads or them very far in the distance.

I think it shows lack of boundaries around his children to take photos and share with you who is essentially a stranger.

Mr Silver Fox sounds dodgy with his 'I'll tell you who I really am before we meet'

so glad to hear there are many slices of boner pie being consumed right now!!

what do those of use who own a penis consume ? Vagina Flan ?

Yes @SortingItOut … I was surprised by mr W over sharing. Mr Smile only talks about kids but never a pic and we are gearing up for date 3. Strange … mr Silver fox totally dodgy but I said I would report on this thread 😂😂😂 what is going on. We are only down for a coffee though. I’m still on iron search mode. So I keep looking 😊

@ButterflyOfShay I'm wishing you at least a snog, and perhaps a boner on hols, but only if it feels right! (I'm also reserved, totally understand).

I'm actually a bit worried he's put me on a pedestal. The only way to go is down...! But at the same time he seems very level headed, so maybe this won't happen. Last night certainly doesn't seem to have hurt my standing

But yes, round two was basically perfect, well worth the wait, and in fact I think that it was better for it! Not just due to the hotness of delayed gratification, either.

@WeWantTheFinestWines thanks!

@Mila14 I would be telling Mr W thst his lack of boundaries is a concern and see what he says.

We're all invested in Mr Silver Fox so keep posting, I'm going with convicted murderer not long out of jail😂

The thing is his WhatsApp pic is already him with his kids ! So from the first contact in WhatsApp I can see them! Silver Fox has the usual pic in sunglasses … Mr Smiles just him smiling…
I don’t know how to judge this ??

I had this recently and it was 100% the cold abrupt way he communicated it, after how open our previous conversations were, and I was a bit hurt, however 2 weeks on I couldnt care less 😂

I’m jealous about everyone having sex… wish I could 😊

😂😛
The wedding reception was really fun, it was nice to meet some of his sister's friends and some family members.

One of the bridesmaids was properly bonkers and trying to dance and snog several people, including him (her husband was furious!). He was quick to reassure me that he wasn't seeing ANY of the girls and was not interested in any of the other women! So, it seems, everyone is assuming we are now a couple and neither of us corrected anyone 😁 I stayed behind to help clean up and it was a really lovely evening. It's pretty much moved naturally to confirmed-exclusive status (I had already ditched some chats and politely declined a couple of dates from other people during the past few weeks). It's all felt quite natural and not too fast or presumptive.
I like that he doesn't assume anything, and it's pretty mutual in that respect, I haven't felt obliged towards him in any way. He never assumes he can stay the night, it's pretty respectful.

He's also asked me over to his, which is a fairly big deal (but will still be fairly laidback and low pressure) because he's currently staying with family. Before this weekend, we'd kept friends and family out of it, but he's now met one of my bestfriends as well (at the wedding) and I've met his dad and (re)met his sister and brothers, along with some of his old friends.

At first I was a bit sceptical about dating someone who I have so many connections with already (without actually knowing him), but so far, it's actually been a lot less pressured than any other relationship I've gone into where you have to get to know lots of new people quickly, from scratch.

The chemistry between us is unreal, it just gets better and better.

I’m not!!!! But not in a hurry…

@Youcunnyfunt …the chemistry between you is unreal….this is the part that really gets me. All is wonderful with this guy but the fact you both feel really attracted to each other seals it for me. Super congrats!