Dating thread 228: ribbons round a maypole

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

apologies for the rant, guys.

I think I’m just going to do nothing. If he sees I don’t want to speak to him, he’ll hopefully get bored and unmatch with me.

hey friends! Nothing at all to report from me just checking in saying hi. I’m booked to get acrylic nails on wednesday as its my birthday thursday, then off to ibiza on friday.. ill post a pic of my nails 😆💅🏻 So excited!!
@hotnakedgelato good luck and hope it all goes hard as rock! 🍆😅
@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers definitely just delete him and not give him any more precious headspace.. you've got this!
@Thisisworsethananticpated maybe the jealousy comes from low self esteem, I’m also a jealous person and I hate it and am well aware of it being quite pathetic and unattractive.. very hard to control though isn’t it?? 😟
@lesgalettes I think it’s a good sign nothing physical’s happened.. he’s trying to be respectful? That’s a good thing..

hope everyones having a lovely weekend 💛💛

Thank you @ButterflyOfShay ❤️ Hope you have a wonderful weekend 😘😘

SortingItOut

i agree and I don’t know !
as it’s not like I’ve been dating persistent cheaters all my life either

but it happens and it’s happened before (with exes) and I need to get a grip

I think there might be a family thing driving it’s but I’m not ready to go there yet

but it’s helpful typing it out

ButterflyOfShay
its a big week for you !
I won’t share my hopes that a tanned You meets some nice man eyes in an Ibizan beach bar 🤣

how does your jealousy manifest and what triggers ?
heavy question for a Sunday morning

I went and did have a very good time. We went for a chinese buffet and a few drinks elsewhere after. As pleasant as it was Im not sure if there was a romantic spark - but then again I thought there was with the last guy and that didnt turn out well. Def up for meeting again though as I did enjoy the evening.

@hotnakedgelato rooting for you to have a wonderful time together tonight. It’s good to see that you have found some extra time together ( when you had been worrying earlier in the week it would be June by the next overnighter)
I have a somewhat momentous update for the thread…. I had sex last night 😈. Lovely full on sex with Mr V, after a very long road with his ED. We went away for the night, had lots of deep chats, laughter and possibly a little too much vodka. But miraculously after thinking that it wasn’t going to happen, all of a sudden it just progressed. Suffice to say it felt amazing and a huge relief for both of us that the Viagra worked. I think it’ll take a few more times for us to feel more relaxed about it working without issue. It’s left us feeling relieved and optimistic, not least Mr V who is a bit of a worrier about taking medication.

Stepcount
🚀 🚀🚀🚀🚀
very pleased
yay for all the approaches and , good old viagra

@Stepcount I'm really happy for you both. It sounds like he really needed to relax into things for it all to happen.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I guess you know all that is irrational. Everyone gets a bit jealous at times but it sounds like your insecurity is deep set. A friend of mine can be a bit like this, and uses the same phrase about them going off and having sex. Do you perhaps place your value on how good the sex is, and as such, you worry in case he looks for sex elsewhere. Is your relationship mainly about sex? My friend was married to someone who cheated but she would always emphasise how great the sex was and couldn't believe he would cheat. Even now, with any man, its very full on with her emphasising she wants physical chemistry whereas I think deep down she believes it's the only thing she has to offer (which is totally not the case). Her background is a bullied child growing up insecure then blossoming but still deeply insecure. I digress but from your post, I got that vibe (sorry if I got that all wrong)

Eesha
very astute

but there is something in what you say
its just weird how I didn’t have this with ex
bit have had this with others

babysitter cancelled and I won’t see him later which is not a bad thing actually so I can mull this over a bit

@Stepcount wahoo! Great news! So happy for you 😊

Well I met Mr Wizard and I can say his magical staff does wonders 🤣 I think it will be another FWB situation as he's thinking of joining the navy so doesn't want to string anyone along.

Also met Mr Nerd again. He's genuinely one of the nicest people I've ever met. I don't think it will turn into a relationship but I'm happy to have met him and think we'll be friends for a long time 🥰

congratulations @Stepcount. I feel a bit weird saying that!

Thank you everyone. It did feel a rather personal update to share but it’s been a difficult situation to navigate and maybe by being open as we are I find it makes the challenges of dating feel a little less like they’re only happening to me !

Excellent news hotnakedgelatto! Things getting hotter and really nice 👍🏻

Lesgalettes…you are very invested because you really like this guy. I have a few irons in the horizon. 2 are perfect nice people (one I have dated twice already) but I’m not losing any sleep over any of them. I like them but I’m not crazy about anyone…in a way I envy you…on the other hand, it’s really cool to be in control and I would run for the hills if these irons pressured me in any way. I haven’t kissed iron on second date either…

Super news @Stepcount and a step forward in your relationship. It’s good you can post it because it helps a lot of other people having issues with ED and intimacy. You will be a lot more relaxed next time 😈
@ButterflyOfShay …oooooh Ibiza. Enjoy a lot and get a bit tanned! jealous moi
@Thisisworsethananticpated …take time to yourself…I have to admit I have felt very jealous in the past. Not so much about him enjoying time but about how available he was to me…It’s tricky. I don’t want to feel jealous and in my case, feeling jealous always points out at other issues with the relationship I am having…

@Thisisworsethananticpated perhaps your ex and you had a different kind of relationship where there were stronger aspects than simply sex. And sometimes different people trigger different things in us. Similarly with my friend, extremely jealous with certain people, but less so with say people who she had a more stable relationship with.

@Stepcount
thats just brilliant, he (both of you really), need to build up the confidence (mentally) that the viagra will work, then you can relax in to it.

That’s a great update, if you get past this step both physically and mentally, I think it be all systems go 🗼

gelato and stepcount excellent updates re sexytime 😆 Goes to show what patience and medication can do and knowing what can be achieved can be helpful knowledge for us all at some point. My current (only) iron (who I've only messaged with) is at an age where ED could well be an issue so I may need to learn from you lot if it ever gets to that point. Speaking of Mr Arty, I'm so enjoying his messages and what I'm learning about him - very close to his grown DC, did the bulk of the childcare when they were young and they come to his for dinner every week. He has lots of interests and friends, asks appropriate questions, shows an interest in me. We're going to speak on the phone soon and I'm looking forward to it.

Shay your birthday is the day before mine! You'll look fab with your new nails and knock 'em dead in Ibiza!

@Thisisworsethananticpated It's good you recognise it as not being healthy even though you're not ready to delve deeper just yet.
I imagine it's also very exhausting- both physically and mentally.

@Stepcount What a great update. I'm so pleased you went away and it was all very relaxing. Long may it continue🥰

an age where ED could well be an issue
yeah, I’m exactly at that age…so have to watch my diet, & health and exercise and have considered getting some of the big V in stock just in case..

Excellent point

Had a really good 1st date with someone I've been talking to weeks, was all very flirty and fun and had fun back at his too 🙊🤣I was thinking FWB but now I think maybe potential for more. I've noticed he's always on the app though, I realise it's just a first date so obviously why wouldn't he be but what does everyone else do, just ignore it for now or mention it ?

i’ve just deleted Mr G’s list of excuses… I mean, his message. I feel so much better now I know he won’t contact me again. 😃