Dating thread 228: ribbons round a maypole

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I may not have met him IRL but I do know that Mr Gambit is a extremely selfish man.

He wouldn't meet up with me, but he has all the time in the world to go out with his family and friends.

His family think he's god's gift.

He once gaslighted me as well and made out that he didn't know I was looking for a serious relationship, when he knew that I was.

He used to talk about sleeping with me. He knew how much I wanted to be close to someone.

He used to talk about how much he wanted a family. He knew that I wanted one someday as well, and how important it was to me.

And now the penny has just suddenly dropped that he didn't treat me well?

I'm not going to get involved with him anymore. Let him sulk. Let him feel bad. Let him experience what I had to.

Yes this was the first time - met at half 7 and we are still out so must be going ok 😂

I had my second date with Mr Interview tonight, it was good, there was no interviewing, and we were out together for 6 hours. But no contact at all between us and no kiss at the end of the evening. I wanted to but felt it was too forward for me to initiate. Is this quite normal for a second date?

@lesgalettes Very normal not to have any physical contact on a 2nd date.
He sounds very respectful.

Next time if you want to kiss and he doesn't look like he is going to just ask him if you can kiss him.

I'm currently seeing dating through the eyes of my DD who is 19 and its very interesting.
Yesterday we went on a road trip of 6+ hours and on the journey she was on Tinder so we were chatting about things.
She matched with a guy and within 5 messages he told her he was abused by his Dad when younger.
I told my DD to tell him oversharing is a boundary issue but she wouldn't 😂
Obviously my DD didn't have the best childhood/teenage years due to her Dad but she says she never mentions anything except her parents are divorced (but only if someone specifically asks).
We did have a good chat about red flags and emotional unavailability as unfortunately she's a rescuer/Florence just like I was.

Rubyroseyposey

yeah iM not a dinner fan either !
I’m a walk coffee (escape easy!) fan
what you going to say back ?

SortingItOut

oh that’s so funny . You know what it’s wonderful you can discuss , and I totally agree with you !

I have this with my friends and she’s my bloody age ! I’m always trying to delete for her as she gets some horrors
she won’t

sigh

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers

sounds like mr gambits message stirred up some unpleasant memories
even the few mins you have spent typing abiut him is a waste of precious head space

can you delete him there ?

I got hit by the curse of WhatsApp yesterday

its such a poor Medium for communication
especially when you don’t know someone that well and you react (I react so much and interpret , make up a story , drama , often for nothing )

but I handled better
had a nice evening with son and mum

ive said this before and I’ll say this again
having fast paced comms vis written messages on a small screen isn’t the most effective

Oh this sounds like the perfect way to potter! Just going at your own pace. Love days like that. You’re right, so important for all of us, whether in a relationship/dating or not.

@SortingItOut thanks, yes he was very gentlemanly, although in our previous conversations had hinted that he likes a women who makes the first move. I think I'm just really new to all this and find it hard to act flirtatiously as I just don't have the confidence yet.

lesgalettes

interesting
im a bit the same in that I’m ok with sexual contact fairly early
very early
🤔

did you get any vibes ?

Glad initial dinner worked out well - let us have an update when you can. Sounds promising.

@Thisisworsethananticpated (I react so much and interpret , make up a story , drama , often for nothing )

You mentioned this was a problem with Mr Balkan as well.

Why do you think you overeact with messages?
Is it always seeing the negative in everything?

@lesgalettes It's interesting he likes a womam to make the first move,he sounds quite shy too.

Do you do any light flirting when you message each other?
Could you start with that?

Or on the next date stroke his arm/hand - some touching is a form of flirting and not too difficult to do if you're next to each other.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I totally beat myself up after we said goodbye as I think I did get vibes, but still didn't act on it! I so regret it now.

@SortingItOut yes there has been some mild flirting in messages, and I think he likes the direct manner I have while messaging! But somehow I just couldn't act on it in real life face to face.

@lesgalettes Hiding behind a phone screen to flirt makes it so much easier.

I'd go with some flirty touching on the next date and go from there.

@Thisisworsethananticpated well done for imposing some mental discipline and keeping cool/not jumping to conclusions about WhatsApp messages. It's so difficult, I know!

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers what a total twat. Definitely evict him from your headspace again if you can!

@lesgalettes i agree that you should see how it goes and not be afraid to ask for a kiss next time

SortingItOut

I don’t know , but despite knowing that someone clearly likes me , I can go into a complete tailspin

im also very jealous
so I can have my own life and I’ve been to weddings and school reunions and had a fairly (very !) raucous time
but When he does stuff for himself (im More
social and he is more solitary ) I get jealous

it’s like the minute he says ‘I’m doing this ‘ I think
you are going to meet someone and have sex and dump me

but I’ve had no inclinations that’s he’s a Player of this type whatsoever , and I know how to spot this

it’s like the only thing I can tolerate is male only activities or family stuff

that’s a bit messed up typing this out !!!

lesgalettes

mid you have a 3rd date you might need to get yourself into a

sofa
quiet room
sat together
situation !?

Mr S came over last night to watch a film, and then we had some PG-13 fooling around (is this an American rating?) Due to my daughter being asleep upstairs.

He said that he's been feeling more normal (i.e. hard) as we spend more intimate time together.

He's coming over tonight when I have a childfree home and we will have several hours alone together. I told him that if he's going to have a viagra this time to take it on an empty stomach beforehand.

So... I think it's highly likely that tonight will be the night! I feel like it's literally the first time in my life after such a shitty marriage and long time without intimacy.

We definitely have not rushed things. I counted up and this will be our 12th in-person encounter. We first met over two months ago, depending on how you count it

hotnakedgelato

thats a good update 😁

Yes if I get to a 3rd date I'll suggest going to his house. Now I've got to wait and see what happens.... I slept for only 2 hours last night, it's ridiculous how invested I am...

@Thisisworsethananticpated What is driving these feelings?
Why is the default thought that he'll meet someone else and have sex with them rather than I'm glad he's going out, I hope he has a nice time?

Where does your anxiety/overthinking on this come from?

It is 'messed up' and not healthy. How can you change your thoughts?

@hotnakedgelato How exciting!! Fingers crossed for some action.