Dating thread 228: ribbons round a maypole

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

This is exactly how I was feeling with Ms H, (minus the sex bit, she is dead keen on that) , I took a step back to she if she would step up a bit, not sure if the wedding/ reception invite thing just happened to be good circumstances or not, but it feels like a good thing,

@ButterflyOfShay @hotnakedgelato I do agree with you and I think I will ask him this week, maybe over the phone rather than message so that he can't think about his response.

I personally think a lot of men can a bit “unsure”, about asking women out these days, as they they don’t want their advances to be seen as unwelcome, ( online should be different really), but I don’t see why it should be “forward” of you, just Chuck an invite out and see what happens, what’s the worst that could happen?
it’s all that men ever do, ask and pray, Hail Mary pass

@hotnakedgelato I think a month of 'wait and see' is both sensible and generous. If you meet someone and there is a connection I think you have to give it a bit of time to see what pans out. Hopefully Mr S will prioritise finding a way to see you and if he doesn't then you can act accordingly.

I think it's absolutely fine to ask a man out, providing the conversation is going well!

Update on date no 3 with Mr Hipster - it went well! A lovely walk and then some drinks back at his (plus cuddles on the sofa and nothing more). But I'm happy with the slow pace and he sent some lovely messages afterwards.

@hotnakedgelato once a week minimum at that stage for me too. I have DC and he doesn't but there's work on both sides to juggle- it is about prioritising but it does depend on what his social commitments are like, as I think pp said. Putting a timeframe in place is probably for the best, I know you're quite invested already but before you get any more so.
{mention: pixie5121} fair enough, I thought you might meet people more in line with your interests/hobbies on there but I haven't looked for a long time!

@hotnakedgelato Are these weekends with his mates things that have been booked a while?

I know with our new found freedom from Covid lots of things that were postponed are now happening.
One of my friends has something big on every weekend for 6 weeks because so many weddings, parties,gigs, concerts were postponed and are now happening.

I think being in such a new relationship and scheduling time is hard especially when you both have commitments.
Sometimes schedules just don't work.
If you're only free EOW but he has plans already that's a joint scheduling issue.

I've talked at length on here about Mr K's schedule which barely matches mine and I won't repeat it but we are currently seeing each other 1 evening per week although I've been away this weekend, have a week of evening meetings, am busy Friday so I won't see Mr K for 2.5 weeks unless he suddenly gets some free time.
This is a joint scheduling issue and he wants to see it through still so I'm going with it as the pros outweigh the cons but I do understand it can be frustrating.

Haha well I live semi rurally and it’s beautiful, and only a short hop in the car to full-on rural English countryside, nothing but green and blue vistas (fields, sea, sky) as far as the eye can see.

I wouldn’t over the phone @lesgalettes , in person is so much more telling, I’d be treading warily with this one myself.

I think frequency of meets with partners/ irons has to work mutually - with mutual effort being put in. Some might need to see someone every second day and some might be happy with weekly. I think the important part is feeling like the effort is being made on both sides.

I only see Mr L on eow usually for the whole weekend. That’s down to my schedule though not his and I would love to see him every week but it’s not possible right now because of distance and also he hasn’t met my kids yet. He always works around my schedule though and has never not been available when I am - although I have moved things around also to try and see him on his birthday for example.

We have booked a holiday though for a whole week in August so that should be interesting to see how we get on when in close quarters for so long 😀

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow yes, and stepping back seems to have worked out really well for you!

@Penguinwaddler nice update!

@BelladiMamma you're welcome to use this name (so long as you don't mind my licensing fee😉)

@SortingItOut these are definitely valid preexisting arrangements that he has, so I can be frustrated but not angry with him iyswim

@MayEye oooh, a week's holiday is really next level!

I think you have a great set up. And holidays already planned…super!.
hotnaked gelato, give yourself a bit of time. A month goes quickly and then you can see better what to do. You clearly like him
I saw Mr silverfox in video call today…he’s very sexy. Hmmm…let’s see what happens. We are meeting up in 2 weeks I think. Mr Smiles still sending messages but I d know…
idont know who discussed before that success in OLD sometimes is down to right timing. Crossing at the right time for 2 people is a question of luck too. So if you like an iron a lot and he’s into you…it’s great. At the moment I know nothing but I’m going to be patient and see what happens

And so I've suspended my OLD account again. Fed up with it all.

@Shunter350 What happened? Personally, I think it’s good to switch off and recharge. I’m just getting geared up for this OLD and I already know this is quite tough.

Hi Mila14 and thanks for that welcome..now just gathering courage to write my first post 😂

Hi Thisisworsethananticipated, and thanks for the welcome 😊
Well, I started out on Match but a lot of the guys were young enough to be my sons so I switched to OurTime. I’ve since learned it’s the same company, pffft! 🤔

@Mila14 I can't plate spin so only have one iron on the go at anytime.
I've been chatting to a woman for over a week, asked to meet but she avoids the question. She initially mentioned she wanted to meet soon but it's slipped.
I asked her if she was reserved or shy.. she said she was wary as she's been hurt before.
Anyway OLD is harsh. It tests my humanity.
I get likes from unsuitable women ( sorry that will offend many. I'm not going to explain or defend my personal taste! ) and I feel bad that I can't respond as I don't want to hurt them.
It goes against my character to be nice to everyone.
The whole thing is exhausting.
Most times I think I want a LTR..
But sometimes I just want a cuddle, share affection and some body heat!
Anyway a break is in order.
It's a funny business.. I've shared "glances" recently IRL.. it makes me think this should be easier.

@Butterfly72 regardless of my recent post I've found ourtime to be decent.
The longer you're on the more likes you get. It seems to kick up a gear after about a month.

Thanks Shunter,
I’m finding OurTime ok..still v early days but I’ve got a lot of questions as I need advice about how I’m handling my online exploits…😊

Hello all,

ok my first question is this….(thank goodness this is anonymous…)
I’m currently messaging four ‘irons’ and every one is very different in terms of education, career, background etc. Not saying that in a derogatory way; it’s merely a fact. None of them know about each other. I’ve had a video call with two, had first coffee with another and just messaging fourth. Meeting one this Thursday for first f2f meeting, eek!! So my question is thus….Would this be seen as greedy/slutty etc?
I’m 17 months single btw out of an 18 year relationship and am a single mum. Please be totally honest as I feel like such a bad person spinning these plates yet it’s such an exciting and empowering feeling, if that makes sense!??

As a bloke ( for reference) I cut out all the stuff that could be read the wrong way, ie making me out to be "too tactile" etc.
So it's basically just bullet points now.
From my POV I find it frustrating when women have nothing or very little on their profile..
And please, please decent profile pics.. no sparkly bits, bunny ears or whiskers. It looks stupid and is a definite no from me.

I think I need to give my irons names 🤔

God I'm exhausted reading that! Gird for you though. You have more confidence than me.
Don't over invest though. And sniff out the bullshit.

@Butterfly72 i think having a few irons at this early stage is the right thing to do. Have you any plans to meet your coffee date again? Did you like him? What about the guy you are meeting this week?
I too started old about 2 years ago after coming out of a 20 year relationship and made the mistake of getting too intense with one iron at a time and getting messed about in the process. I would so do what you are doing if I was starting again. Keep it light and casual to see if you like them and decide after a few initial dates if you are ready to focus on one. Enjoy the feelings of excitement and empowerment 😁

Whoops sorry, it did kinda come out in a splurge didn’t it lol? I’ve just been a bit overwhelmed by it all and needed to get that out there!
😊