Dating thread 228: ribbons round a maypole

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Speaking as someone who wants similar (but is older than you)... I don't have any answers then! I usually use slightly more left field apps like Feeld although downloaded Hinge recently and although I like the look of the men on there I really struggle to get any matches - compared to Feeld where it's pretty easy to strike up 10 conversations in one evening... I barely seem to get any likes on Hinge at all! Think I need to put a bit more effort into my profile there as people are far less bothered (and far more sex focused) on Feeld.

ibelieveinmirrorballs

good update
you seem to be in a better place 🙂

Butterfly72

jump in baby !
what sites are you on ?
not that it matters

I worry I’m too old grey fat and boring, but someone seems to like me, and someone will like you irrespective of if you choose to ascend Ben Nevis naked while riding a space hopper or not.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I have done. I’m sure he’s a lovely guy but he just wasn’t doing anything for me. The last thing I want is another Mr H situation! 😊

I'm pretty sure he doesn't have feelings - he ended it and it's been a real lesson for me in that looking back I can see that yet again, I ended up slightly fixing on someone when actually, he wasn't right for me at all.

Interestingly, another reflection is that while we were seeing each other he had low libido (I think I mentioned him the other day on here...) and I ended up at the time accepting the lack of sex and falling slightly into my 'fix it' mode, suggesting things to him, etc etc. I can now see this was a) not very healthy and b) me pretending it was okay when it wasn't - we'd only been together a few weeks when it started to become an issue so it wasn't as though we had a long history between us to see us through.

I'm sorry to read that you're feeling very down about things. You are handling it brilliantly and should be proud of the way you are asserting what is important to you. I did wonder if the anger at the 15th was partly misplaced frustration about the ED which might have exaggerated your sense of frustration and upset.

Maybe I am missing something! Mentoring???

Yes, everyone can gather round for my tale of pretending to be a mature adult 😅

I know that I’ll find someone in life, but I want someone who I’ll enjoy talking to and someone I can get excited about. I also want someone who will put me at ease, because I’m so shy around men.

ah, well. There’s still time ❤️

Thanks... I'm feeling a bit jaded in general about dating, can't be arsed with it really. Have a few chats going on Feeld, hardly anything doing on Hinge. Trying to sit back and let things unfold naturally ('sitting with my feelings' a good way of putting it) re MrM, for whom I most definitely still do carry a torch of sorts.

ibelieveinmirrorballs

is Mr M the iron you’ve been seeing as friends ?

hotnakedgelato

sorrry - you said about coaching and mentoring (work ) and how pressure doesn’t always work !

and joking aside you are handling it well
compare this to how you handled problems with your ex !?

@Thisisworsethananticpated ah, I understand now. I can't take credit for coaching (not my skill set), that was @HowlongWillThisTakeNow . I think the quote format may cause some confusion!

That's a good suggestion for testing whether one has matured - is this an improvement on my handling of stuff with exes? Maybe something to live by

No, this is one from about a year ago and I definitely don’t fancy him any more. Unlike MrM 🙄

seviliana I've been despairing at the abundance of men who want someone super active and outdoorsy because I just can't pretend to be that. I feel like if I was like I'd get so many more matches than I do now when I want someone who can chill and who's more into culture and politics and stuff like that. And there you are, all active and outdoorsy and somehow that's not working either. Honestly...

I’m not really fussed about a guys hobbies, whatever he enjoys doing live and let live, for me it’s more about personality traits… does he have anger? Is he kind? Funny? Loving? I can’t be doing with someone who mean or bitter.

Thanks @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers it wasn’t a date as such (not officially anyway just in my head it was 😂) it was very cool thanks x

I totally agree Shay but they often specify that they want someone who prefers outdoors to indoors, likes camping and doing sports and being active thus making it about their potential partner, not just what they enjoy doing, so... not me...

ibelieveinmirrorballs

ah . In my humble opinion you’ll be into him until you find someone you like more than him
or years pass
It sucks a bit

I met some more new friends today, none of them had much of interest to say

WeWantTheFinestWines

exactly !
re what you said about hobbies

noone is winning here

Why is the friggin picture upside down?

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow were you upside down at the time or were they?

Managed two date zeroes this week. One was a guy I've been talking to for months. Potential FWB scenario but I'm not convinced as he literally puts it everywhere and that's off putting. Nice enough and very open/honest. The other was someone I met through Hinge. We had been speaking for a couple of weeks. Date was ok. Better looking than his pics but turns out he's a serial dater/shagger and obviously very successful in that. Not what I'm looking for and haven't heard from him since. He already had another date lined up and seems to just enjoy dating. Message from a guy I was meant to see but he was ill. Asked how he was etc and then he proceeds to have a go because I'd been on a date with someone else and that he doesn't like people who go on multiple dates?!? Think I might need to give up :(

Ahh yeah I get you @WeWantTheFinestWines .. at least everyone is in the same boat with the OLD however there are success stories every now and then.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow that is lovely and I saw the same thing yesterday as was out rurally, what a perfect day it was! 🌞

Sorry to hear it @Daydreamscometrue that is pretty disheartening 😣 x