Dating thread 228: ribbons round a maypole

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@hotnakedgelato I am also sorry to hear that there continues to be an issue around ED with Mr S (?) I’m not going to minimise the issue as it’s clearly causing you to question things with him. Full disclosure I am dating someone with ED so my experience will shape my thoughts.
I guess you have to weigh up the pros and cons of what you have with him. I was instantly hooked on my iron, Mr V, and ED was not an issue at the start so I have encountered the impact at a different point to you. Speaking honestly it’s made me sad and frustrated a lot, often at the point where sex/making love should have happened and didn’t. It’s not an easy situation to navigate but ultimately you have to focus on your needs ( for a fulfilling relationship).

Just popping in to say hi 👋🏻 and that @hotnakedgelato I may need to steal your user name for the ice cream parlour I've suddenly decided I need to open

'Bella's hot naked gelato parlour'

@BelladiMamma 👋🙂💋

@MincedMalbec I can totally relate! I find it soooo hard to get the balance between playing it casual (which I think is important in the early days) and also showing a keen level of eagerness. I like to know that there is another date to look forward to!

My current iron instigated the first date then when we said goodbye I said "this was fun, let me know if you want to do something again!" Then I didn't hear from him until the next day when he suggested date no 2 so after that I suggested date no 3. Will see who suggests date no 4 if tomorrow's date goes well...

@hotnakedgelato how gutting 😔 it’s all been left feeling crappy.. it’s a real shame 🥺

@Penguinwaddler oooh good luck for tomorrow! It’s hilarious how much effort we put into looking casual and that’s before we consider what we are going to wear haha!!! I have a 5th date tomorrow, I’m very excited and pretty much at the stage I’d expect another date but I’d like him to do the asking and planning! (I’m wary of this being a hangover from being married to a useless lazy prick though) so I’m quite clear in messages that I like him and we’re quite tactile on dates (his instigating). I don’t want to fall into a trap of “woman does all the thinking” so trying to navigate it carefully and casually if that is at all possible 😆

@Eesha can’t believe it but just heard a loud bang on one of my upstairs windows. Looked out and down on the floor there was a dead bird 😞 a thrush I think. It must have flown straight into the glass and dropped dead 😞😢 had to carry it over to the little green near me and lay it down in the long grass. Poor little thing 💔

@ButterflyOfShay arghhhh it's not a good animal day today!

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow yes, he's between cars apparently and looking for one at the moment but doesn't sound in a rush 🤔

@hotnakedgelato I wasn’t really surprised your date had ED again, he needs to get used to taking the viagra and physical and mental effects, quite a lot a men report that it doesn’t work at first and it takes 2 or 3 goes for them to “relax” into it, the instructions are important as well, empty stomach, no alcohol, he really needs to
“practice” on his own time and get used to the effects and the reassurance that it works

Sorry to hear about ppls animal misfortunes. Here are some lovely ladies I met the other day

An unexpected invitation from Ms H, we had agreed to be on hold until September, but she is going to an weeding with an overnight stay and has reached out, not replied back yet, she also likes quite a lot of maypole activity.

Going to a wedding, not a weeding, 😂. She might also be going to a weeding, but I’m not invited to that particular event

Blimey, must be in a area with good public transport links couldn’t live where I am without a reliable car of some sort

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow ooh have you been invited to attend the wedding with her?

Thank you! He's away atm and I wasn't really expecting many messages but he has texted me a few times which is nice. That does sound like a good idea as I think it can be easy to slip back into the roles we used to play.

My ex was quite passive and never really asked questions about me so I found myself volunteering a lot of information which is fine, but I love getting to know someone and like the same level of interest back. Which is why I'm hesitant about Mr Hipster as he hasn't asked me too many questions but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for now as we spend a bit more time together.

I also instigated holding hands, a hug and kiss goodbye etc so I'm going to hold off and see if he instigates anything tomorrow.

No, not personally, Ms H was going alone, but has invited me, as her +1 I suppose, but I’m in 2 mind’s really as I won’t know anyone there.( apart from her ), so might be a bit uncomfortable/ boring/ weird

Excellent post. Many of us are starting to look around. I had date 2 with Mr Smile. Hmm… it was nice but I’m still checking… so it looks Im on the multi date phase. I can’t envisage going exclusive for some time ! Hello everyone 😊

I had a date zero today with an iron who I have been messaging with all week, with an hour long phone call too. I really liked him, but when the date ended he said that he'll think about things and then get in touch! It was my first date for over 25 years, so maybe I wasn't relaxed enough, but he seems like the sort of guy who overthinks things and wants to be really certain before he takes things forward. I'm going to wait to hear from him, but not feeling at all positive now. So back on the app....

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow i would take the invitation as a really positive gesture on Ms H’s part. Don’t focus on the fact that you won’t know anyone and instead see it as an opportunity to spend much more time with her, finding out more about your compatibility. I’m sure a couple of drinks and a ( hopefully) party atmosphere at the wedding reception could provide lots of fun.

Its difficult to start dating again but the best advise I was given was to chill and be myself. It’s good this date thinks things through. Be patient and wait to hear

@lesgalettes @Mila14 I've changed my approach recently. I don't pursue like I used to. It was excruciating and affecting my MH a little.
I take a breath and let things happen. Sometimes giving time to let things happen really works.

@Shunter350 … agree that’s a good policy. Sometimes you just need to let go and what will be will be. I think I like this approach too

That's really positive that you're her +1!!

@Mila14 @Shunter350 thanks for the advice. I know I need to be more laid back about it all, and certainly don't want to come across as desperate on a date. It is so hard to find someone decent to match with though, so it's hard to not to get invested when I do...