Men in their 40s

[whitebunnies]

I am in my late 30s. I don't know why but men in their late 40s ask me out. This is in real life and not from dating sites. Why would they not date a woman their age? Some of these men have children so it's not like they want to start a family.

Yes this exactly
and I can’t help wonder why organic won’t answer whether he/she feels women lose value with age and men ‘value ‘ increases ‘ typical red pill rubbish of course , but the ‘theory ‘ of women being valued on youth and and fertility can only lead to that conclusion
i

Please quote directly from either article where it says men working manual labour is what causes their earlier deaths
it doesn’t
as usual you are clutching at straws and claiming you know better than the Harvard study and many others which clearly give the many many reasons men have lower life expectancy

My evidence is my own personal observation but yeah, men in trades often live quite hard with the booze fags and drugs, which probably also leads to stress at home. They also have a tendency to not look after their health very well, and often over extend themselves.
I do know many tradesmen who are healthy and old but they tend to have been clean living family men.
Im not making this some kind of class distinction with office workers as I don’t know, but I wouldn’t be surprised if here was one to be found.
My point being it’s not the work, it’s the culture.

Please quote directly from either article where it says men working manual labour is what causes their earlier deaths

Not that article, but another Dutch study appears to lend some weight to the claim…

”We showed that the non-skilled general, technical, and transport domains have a shorter life expectancy than the professional domains, amounting to 3.5 years for a man, and 3.1 years for a woman aged 65 years.”

Occupation-Based Life Expectancy: Actuarial Fairness in Determining Statutory Retirement Age

www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fsoc.2021.675618/full

Relative life expectancy is a bit of a straw man anyway, since the post is not about when we die, but how attractive we are whilst still alive.
Aging men typically look older than their female counterparts, but this is not because of their jobs. If this were the case, middle aged men in office jobs would look youthful, which ime, they don't.
Men look older and less attractive when they lose their hair, develop a big belly and lose body tone through poor diet, lack of excercise and alcohol intake.
Outdoor work may contribute to skin damage, but facial aging is a just part of overall appearance.
A fit toned manual worker with a full head of hair and a bit of sun damage is going to look overall much better and more youthful than a podgy bald sedentary man of the same age.

All true and the original claim by greasyshoes was that men look worlds because of their work in labour - rubbish .

And nothing grinds the gears of some of these deluded men than the thought of a hot builder. 😂

Well, a lady I know asked that of a forty something who was constantly after women in their 20s, some early thirties, and his answer was that he liked that all the nice bits still look good and are in the right place. So don´t overthink it that much, most men are simple creatures.
Then there is a friend of mine, same age, who won´t date so young as he thinks they dont have the same cultural background in general as they belong to a different generation. His current girlfriend is 2 years younger than him.

My friend and I were at a get together that her dd was working at, she was 18/19 at the time, pretty girl, blonde, slim, etc. It was just hilarious the way men honed in on her, they were 30s/40s probably most of them in relationships, but they just couldn't resist giving their ego a boost by chatting her up. She was working so had to be polite and friendly and boy did they take advantage of that. Most men seem to think they are a catch, despite their age, appearance, and other evidance to the contrary.

I'm 46 and still find younger men in the their 30s attractive, and definitely more so than the men my own age. However, the difference is I have no intention of dating a guy that much younger than me because they would be on a totally different wavelength. They likely would be less mature, less experienced etc so I wouldn't expect it to last. That's the difference, men who chase much younger woman aren't bothered about that side of it.

However, the difference is I have no intention of dating a guy that much younger than me because they would be on a totally different wavelength.

That may not be true. You won’t know until you date them.

I agree. I think a lot depends on where you are in life and what you're looking for. At my age, I've no need for a sensible mature partner to support me and help me build a life. I've done all that and now with my responsibilities behind me, just want to relax and have a good time. I also don't want to become set in my ways or live in an echo chamber of my own opinions and experiences. As for it lasting, well that's probably unlikely. But if these threads are anything to go by, a same age man would be off with a younger woman given half a chance, so if I'm going to have a temp, he might as well be fun and easy on the eye.

I think a lot of women in their 40s now look a lot better than men. Women seem to be more inclined to look after their physical and mental health. I don't know if this makes us look younger but we look young in comparison to men of our own age.

I think expectations have changed. I watched Shirley Valentine the other day and there used to be a set, ageing, look for any woman over 35. It was like a uniform. I think women are more free now to look how they like. (Although my mother didn't get the memo, she gives disapproving looks to women who are older than 40 and have long hair 🤣)

Another thing is women are more financially independent, so aren't necessarily looking for a provider.

The comments I've had from younger women at work who get chatted up by men in their 40s and 50s is that these men don't see them as equal, unlike men their own age.

I don't think a lot of men have caught up that women work and are often paid extremely well though. It might also be dependent on the industry - if its very male dominated then some men can be completely astonished by things like women buying their own houses, owning cars, etc.. Or maybe they just can't take it because it challenges the view they were brought up with so much and they can't cope. There do seem to be a disproportionate number of single men who think like this. I'm really struggling to think of any married, or still married men that do.

Luckily, you can spot these men a mile off because they say things like "Wow, you're really independent, aren't you?" when you do something perfectly normal.

@AchatAVendre

I run a mile when they say "clever girl" when they find out I've been to Uni. Going to Uni isn't even that unusual now.

You're right on the point that they are usually single.

Single for a reason...

@Loveisallweneed

Please quote directly from either article where it says men working manual labour is what causes their earlier deaths. it doesn’t

I don't know what to say to someone who doesn't believe that occupational hazards can cause illness and an earlier death, but then again, you believed that childcare was an example of "manual labour." Let me guess; you have no background in science or engineering?

as usual you are clutching at straws and claiming you know better than the Harvard study and many others which clearly give the many many reasons men have lower life expectancy

I'm not sure what "the Harvard study" is. I'm pretty sure that Harvard publishes many, many studies every single year. So I did a quick Google search for "Harvard study" and men dying earlier, and I got the following image which confirms that yes, men die earlier because of occupational hazards.

I am not sure why you tried to pretend that Harvard did not cite occupation as a particular hazard for men; to me, that's just very dishonest.

@Loveisallweneed

I'm not sure why mumsnet compressed my image to the point where it couldn't be read. I will copy paste instead.

So why do men, on average, die first?
There are many reasons why the ratio of men to women (which is roughly equal in young adulthood) starts to favor women over time. Among the most powerful factors? Men tend to
take bigger risks. Some of the reason seems to be "biological destiny." The frontal lobe of the brain — the part that controls judgment and consideration of an action’s consequences — develops more slowly in boys and young men than in their female counterparts. This may contribute to the fact that far more boys and men die in accidents or due to violence than girls and women. Examples include biking, driving drunk, and homicide. This tendency toward lack of judgment and consideration of consequences may also contribute to detrimental lifestyle decisions among young men, such as smoking or drinking to excess.
have more dangerous jobs. Men far outnumber women in some of the riskiest occupations, including military combat, firefighting, and working at construction sites.
die of heart disease more often and at a younger age. In fact, men are 50% more likely than women to die of heart disease. The fact that men have lower estrogen levels than women may be part of the reason. But medical risks, such as poorly treated high blood pressure or unfavorable cholesterol levels, may contribute as well.
be larger than women. Across many species, larger animals tend to die younger than smaller ones. Although the magnitude of this effect is uncertain in humans, it may work against male longevity.
commit suicide more often than women. This is true despite the fact that depression is considered more common among women and women make more (non-fatal) suicide attempts. Some attribute this to the tendency for men to avoid seeking care for depression and the cultural norms that discourage men from seeking help for mental illness.
be less socially connected. For reasons that aren’t entirely clear, people with fewer and weaker social connections (which tends to include men more often than women) tend to have higher death rates.
avoid doctors. According to the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, men are far more likely to skip routine health screens and far less likely than women to have seen a doctor of any kind during the previous year.

@greasyshoes i don’t think being killed in a war or suffering a fatal fall from scaffolding are the same as looking rough “because of occupational hazards”.

Although the gap between male and female life expectancy is closing, so the British Government is managing to achieve something that the biology of the two XX chromosomes dividing in to XY doesn't do in losing some of the genetic material, even a small proportion of which is thought to reduce human immunity.

Is this thread about male life expectancy or men in their forties trying to date younger women and not being seen as desirable by many of them? Because my answer to that is, yes, many men do look rough for their ages. Maybe not in some countries, but in the UK a lot of men are overweight but don't think they are and many have bad skin, probably due to poor diet, smoking, drinking too much and lack of exercise. Many of them just seem to look old for their ages and its also very ageing when they have a very cynical attitude towards women. Its a shame really, I like to think that online dating is responsible for a lot of this as it must feel like sweets in a candy shop if you have a lot of testosterone.

I've dated younger guys (I currently am - although I had forgotten this!).
As I've got older I've found I need to date younger to find guys who: look after themselves, aren't miserable old gits, don't have hideously out-dated attitudes and can perform sexually.
I am well educated, financially secure, happy and healthy and not in a hurry to settle down again, so younger guys are where it's at for me.

@Palmfrond i don’t think being killed in a war or suffering a fatal fall from scaffolding are the same as looking rough “because of occupational hazards”.

I'm pretty sure that wasn't an exhaustive list...

@AchatAVendre Its a shame really, I like to think that online dating is responsible for a lot of this as it must feel like sweets in a candy shop if you have a lot of testosterone.

OLD is like sweets in a candy shop, if you went into a shop and every pack of sweets said they didn't like you for one reason or another.

I’m sure not, but you seem to be implying that physical work makes you look older than you might do otherwise, because of occupational hazards.
If you worked in a 19th century match factory this would be true, but such working conditions have been illegal for a long time. So what you are left with is the mechanical dangers, for want of a better word, that come with working at heights, lifting heavy weights, working around heavy machinery, etc etc, that might injure you or kill you but are unlikely to make you look rough in and of themselves. And those things are on that list not because they shorten your life but because they can end your life, thus lowering the average life expectancy.