Men in their 40s

[whitebunnies]

I am in my late 30s. I don't know why but men in their late 40s ask me out. This is in real life and not from dating sites. Why would they not date a woman their age? Some of these men have children so it's not like they want to start a family.

Yes it’s actually quite amusing how they flip and flop and get all twisted in their little panties

I think a lot of MN philosophy ignores human nature and instinct which makes them uncomfortable; and tries to explain it away as poor human behaviour.

men want younger women because in most cases they are more physically attractive. Youth denotes health and fertility, and men are programmed to value these things and are primarily visual creatures.

women are primarily emotional. They want somebody who will be a good dad, is financially secure and can ‘provide’. This tends to be slightly older men who are more emotionally mature and have better career prospects, more likely to own their own house etc

its a completely fair trade off if it works for both parties. As pp said I’m not talking about some naive 18 year old hooking up with a 40 year old, I’m talking about a normal 30 year old woman and a 40 year old man for example.

this ‘oh it means the man is a pathetic man child with no emotional depth and an unhealthy sexual interest in younger woman’ is just the Mn way of explaining away something that makes them uncomfortable.

You can’t talk yourself out of attraction. There’s no logic behind it. If you have to reason with yourself to try to fancy a particular person, then there isn’t much in it.

i think this is the sort of response I was referring to in my first post.

lets be honest posters love to paint age gap couples as desperate or dysfunctional, but I don’t believe Rosie Huntingdon Whiteley or Catherine Zeta Jones couldn’t have easily landed a man the same age if they had wanted one. I find slightly older men (5-15 years) to be more interesting, self assured and relaxed than men my own age who seem desperate to avoid any commitment and are heavily reliant on their mothers.

I’ve only really gone for my own age group and not found older more appealing.

Generally people I know are within age groups.

I wouldn’t say there are general rules (esp not re men being ‘visual’ etc) as we all have different preferences.

You’re failing to recognise that plenty of women do not find older men attractive .
your biological focal argument states ‘it’s natural to be attracted to youth and beauty ‘
but then goes on to say how that’s natural for ‘men ‘
how about women ? Are we not also attracted to youth and beauty
not all women feel like you and most of us don’t give a squat about resources in s world where we can and do obtain our own

If you're a man you're deluded.

If you're a woman you're an enabler of this delusion.

Either way, I think you would benefit from widening your knowledge of real women, their lives, capabilities and aspirations before you presume to speak for us all.

@Organictangerine

Also, I won’t go into a debate on your biological argument which fails to take into account socialisation and how women have been valued throughout history . I’ve seen it play out many times here and those who want to justify mens behaviour won’t be swayed.
i will say this though . It’s not a ‘fair trade’ to trade ones appearance and youth for one’s resources which usually grow and stay throughout life . If what you claim were true It would put women women in a position of becoming less valuable with age ( due to decreasing youth and fertility ) and most men as increasing in value (due to growing resources ) which is absolute nonsense. People are not vehicles or commodities . It’s not about being uncomfortable . It’s about recognising that womens value is not in their wombs and youth and treating women as humans of equal value to men for the entirety of their life’s , not just while they are young and fertile . Something many men ( and apparently some women ) do
So we will have to agree to disagree strongly .

’men are more visual creatures ‘ 😂
this argument is frequently bandied around yet never once have I seen anyone be able to come up with one bit of actual science to support it .
can you please provide the research

not visual when it comes to decorating , finding list items or putting together an outfit . Perhaps the word you were looking for was ‘objectifying’ lol

No, on the whole women aren’t as bothered about youth because men are fertile forever. I think it matters that they’re not decrepit and physically flagging (ie a 60 year old), but it’s less of a focus for women in my experience.

I think you’re taking it too personally because it all feels ‘unfair’.

Haha the old ‘do you have a research paper for your opinion on a conversation forum’

No I’m not taking it personally it all . I just know you have nothing to support what you say
so do you believe women lose value with age then?

In fairness, its not those of us who haven't got older partners who should be taking your theory personally.
Doesn't matter a jot to me what age of woman middle aged men want. I have a partner who is neither middle aged nor attracted to young women (obviously!).
The ones who need to be concerned if your theory is correct are women who've chosen the trade off with an older man who wants youth.
Do you think being attracted to youth means being attracted to someone ten years younger? Because to me, it doesn't. Youth is youth and we all lose it. These women may always be younger than their partner, but won't always be young. What then?

🤣🤣🤣
Women do approach men all the time.
That's what happens to me anyway.😜
I wouldn't date anyone under 30, they're not a long term prospect.

As for adjusting exercise levels, training at 20 is different from 30 and different again at 40 plus.
I know I go to the gym everyday.
A decent male teenage school runner beats female Olympian times. Don't compare make and female anatomy. Test makes a big difference.
These threads crop up all the time, I don't understand what the issue is? Keep going over the same points.
People can date who they want, non of anyone's business. The real problem is older women moaning about men's choices, it's just bitching.

Mirror mirror on the wall.🤣🤣

I just think it sounds a bit hackneyed, general and some sexism rather than unfair

It hasn’t been the case for me so not due to taking it personally

My father retired from work in 50s after 40 years of manual / factory work pretty much deaf and with arthritis in his back, he died in his 70’s due to cancer that was partly linked to exposure to manufacturing chemicals that are now known to be carcinogenic, my grandfather was coal miner in the 1970’s and I remember visiting him in hospital in the 1980’s as he died of miners lung. My exFIL worked in factory making car parts, clutch plates, brake pads and such like, he also died of lung disease linked to his work.

so in balance, I’ll stick with my sedentary office job thanks very much, with my trips to the gym and cycling. maybe I will get to live to see my 80’s as well.

@Hrpuffnstuff1
’
These threads crop up all the time, I don't understand what the issue is? Keep going over the same points.
People can date who they want, non of anyone's business. The real problem is older women moaning about men's choices, it's just bitching.

Mirror mirror on the wall.🤣🤣

lol mirror mirror … yes those older men looking in the mirror holding way too big an opinion of themselves .
you May be of the opinion age gaps don’t matter , people have different opinions and last I checked it was a feee world where people , INCLUDING women could speak :) if you don’t like women discussing their values and thoughts then you’re very welcome to find other forums where women can’t speak freely without you telling them they are bitching . I’m sure there are plenty of groups for older dudes with like minded men who don’t have pesky women who have opinions …

What a derogatory little comment of an entire gender .

What do you mean?

And also why so drawn to a predominantly female forum if you have sexist views? Aren’t there better suited spaces for them

men want younger women because in most cases they are more physically attractive. Youth denotes health and fertility, and men are programmed to value these things and are primarily visual creatures

But attraction is only one part of a relationship and intimacy. External appearance shouldn't be the main factor in relationships as that is shallow and superficial. However perhaps for some men it is? If it's the case isn't that rather sad as suggests older men will continue to chase younger women who really don't want their attention (hence the original post).

However I don't subscribe to the myth "men are primarily visual creatures" as it does my sons a disservice. They have more emotional depth than to driven by someone's external appearance only. Emotional mature people know that good partnerships are about equality, compatibility and sharing similar values. A 30 year old woman and 50 year old man are unlikely to score highly on though metrics.

I wouldn't date anyone under 30, they're not a long term prospect.

Specifically for you, or in general?

I dated someone in their twenties when I was 40. We have been together 20 years now.

Had he or she dated other people in their 40s or were you the first . Have you had long term relationships with people your own age ?

Well I'm 45 and single. I fancy men in their 30s... and 40s or whatever, basically I'm rubbish at guessing mens ages in RL that I like.
I only don't ask them out as I'm a bit shy but I do flirt.
I find men a bit rubbish at guessing my age too.

I’m not. I’m giving a very sweeping generalisation of human behaviour as I see it. As are you.

men are more visual. There’s plenty of threads on here demonstrating this, women bemoaning the lack of attention they get in comparison to younger/hotter friends and the number of men I know punching above their weight is higher than vice versa.

women tend to value wealthy men with great careers, conscientiousness and capability. Power is an aphrodisiac.

of course there are plenty of exceptions to this but I think this is a generalisation, you don’t need to take personal offence