Men in their 40s

[whitebunnies]

I am in my late 30s. I don't know why but men in their late 40s ask me out. This is in real life and not from dating sites. Why would they not date a woman their age? Some of these men have children so it's not like they want to start a family.

Are they obvious signals of attraction though? Or is she just being polite and friendly?

As we have been married for over ten years, I suspect the former.

Truthfully, in all my time as a young woman, with young friends, and now with daughters, nieces, young colleagues, I have never seen a young woman give genuine signals of attraction to a much older man.
When young we sometimes pretended to, for a laugh or free drinks (not proud of that) but generally they were invisible. Sometimes a joke, sometimes disgusting, sometimes intimidating. Mainly irrelevant. Sometimes we became friendly with older men, at work say, because they were old we thought they were safe and our 'friend'. We learned.
I'm not saying it doesn't happen but so rarely I wouldn't think it warranted a group Of its own. But if pushed, I'd say it may indicate the woman was unusual in some way, either in circumstances that make an older man seem a good option, or struggling to date within her own age group. So that might make men responding to her gullible or opportunistic.
Rarer still, there may be a genuine connection with him that compensates for his age. In which case I'd say he's in the very lucky indeed group!
Which do you think it was?

Just saw this. The very lucky group then!

And whilst the internet can give some people delusions of grandeur of who should be attracted to them it also gives anyone who wants to find out early pointers of warning signs of relationships that might not be worth the time or effort.

Where does this happen? Is it geographical or something? Of all the people I know, I know of only one couple where the man is in his forties and the woman is in her twenties. I think she's 29. He is well known as a bit of a secretive creep and people genuinely worry about her and can't think why she is with him.

OTOH I know plenty of couples, some seriously wealthy and it seems to me the wealthier they are, the less likely they are to divorce or make stupid decisions in general. Most successful men in my experience and I don't mean like Elon Musk or some wideboy business type but more solid types like to have a wife they can rely on, who is attractive but practical in the countryside and who isn't a silly young girl. The wife is often involved in the business to some extent or has a past or current professional career, sometimes part time. Of my professional colleagues, none are divorced and as far as I am aware, none are married to significantly older men. Most of us met our partners at university or in similar circles.

Its the aristos, especially the somewhat inbred ones, and not-even-middle-managers white collar types who seem more fixated on very young women.

I had a few simular experiences when young. The worst was an older man at work who mentored me and who I genuinely believed was my friend. I was young 20s, he was late 40s. No sign whatsoever of anything untoward from him. I met his wife, went to their house.
One day we'd been on a work event and he was driving me home. He suddenly pulled over in the lane (dark) and told me I drove him crazy and he loved me. He was in tears and so intense it terrified me. No mobile then and no choice but to calm him down and spend an hour in the car with him driving me home, me wondering where I'd gone wrong.
It was 30 years ago, but I've never forgotten and its definitely coloured my views.

I'm really sorry to hear that. And it's what makes me so furious with all these men, including those coming onto these threads, telling us how young women find them so attractive, and older women are denying it because they're jealous.
They forget that older women were once young women, and are drawing on our lived experience when we're telling them that the vast majority of times their attentions are unwelcome, disturbing and in some cases, like yours, very damaging. I'd like to think just maybe they could see past their ego and fantasy to see what's its really like on the receiving end.
But no. They'll keep peddling the myth (enabled by some women) that's its only NATURAL for old men to prey on young women, its BIOLOGY, and young women welcome it really because they want security.

Exactly this !
believing when I was younger that they were just being nice only to have them hit on me or be sleazy in time . Every…. Damn ….time
now I see those same type of guys telling us how younger women want them for ‘their experience ‘.
Truth is , the only experience most of them bring is at exploiting women and seeing them as objects
thet absolutely hate when women their age speak the truth about them . The forget we were younger once , and have a lifetime experience of dealing with this crap
and yes you get them ( and some women ) peddling the myth that it’s natural for men to prey on younger women To imply ( or in some cases ) they will say womens highest value is their youth and they decline in value as they get older . Whilst men of course , increase … hahaha
But once a woman has some life experience and realises what a quality man is she easily seperates the wheat from the chaff

@5128gap, I think every young woman has incidents like this.

I was chased by a man in his 40s, at work, when I was in my 20s. He was also married. He was funny so I didn't mind spending time with him however when he sent me a valentines card I realised it was time to reduce contact. I warned a similarly aged colleague (who I deemed as more vulnerable than me as she had very controlling parents)..later her and him were in a relationship and he divorced and married her!

With more experience I now look back and see red flags for her. She was lovely but didn't feel men of our age would look at her. Do I think she settled for this older man? Definitely...as it wasn't a real choice or an equal relationship but she probably felt it was better than the alternative of living at home with controlling parents.

10 years later they would have looked a very odd couple as he wasn't good for his age in his 40s.

Did anyone see the BBC tv programme last night about the DJ Tim Westwood, who is currently under investigation? The 3 young black women described how he came on to them when they were only aged around 17 and he was in his mid thirties. One in particular described how revolted she was by the sight of his stick thin pallid legs covered in sparse hairs.

And yet, these unattractive, ordinary middle aged man still try to tell us women that we find them attractive. Its like a manual for losing respect in a person.

My contribution is a middle aged married man who tried to have an affair with me when I was 21. It was a bizarre one because I was taken to his home to meet his family and kids and then he tried to kiss me when he drove me back home. They must have had an open marriage. I froze when he tried to kiss me and didn't kiss him back. I remember thinking what dry, wrinkled lips he had. Nevertheless, this didn't deter him and I needed a lift to events so I used him as a free taxi service. The next time I met his kids, they asked me my age and when I told them, they said "Oh we though you were only a little bit older than us!". They were aged 11 and 14...

Did anyone see the BBC tv programme last night about the DJ Tim Westwood, who is currently under investigation?

I'll watch that on catch up. I fear this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Because nature has designed men & women differently in regards to the length of their fertility. A man can reproduce pretty much quadruple the length of time a woman can & so he’s programmed to seek out women of a fertile age to procreate with. This is why you frequently see men in their 50’s/60’s ditching their wives of the same age & shacking up with a woman in her 30’s.

Good old Mother Nature at work.

Yes, but...

Life expectancy of both sexes was a lot shorter.

If we had maintained life expectancy of 40 years both sexes would have been fertile until their deaths.

Just because a man in his 40's or 50's can shack up with a woman in her 20's or 30's it doesn't make it right to do so.

Well if its all down to good old mother nature, then old men would have even less chance with young women than they actually do. Women (as the more valuable natural resourse and therefore in the position to be selective) would by nature select the best possible mate.
As old men are not only physically weaker than young men, so less able to protect the woman and her children from danger, win contests against other males for resourses, less sexually able, and with poorer quality sperm, no woman would ever select them.
Funny though, the men justifying their sleaziness as 'natural', never seem to apply their theories to women.

Yes!

The older men no longer possess virility or stamina so have to rely on stability and security.

How dull and unexceptional; bring me my carpet slippers and smoking jacket.

And to make matters worse, they typically have a much higher opinion of their own attractiveness than women. So you get mediocre men completely unaware of how fortunate they are to be with their much more attractive partner and thinking they can do 'better'. They might get away with it in their 30s when they're hanging on to the remnants of their looks, but come 40+ and it does tend to catch up with them. That's why OLD is full of perpetually single men of a certain age, still trying for women they don't have a prayer with, and getting progressively more bitter.

That's why OLD is full of perpetually single men of a certain age, still trying for women they don't have a prayer with, and getting progressively more bitter

Absolutely this.

That's an observation that can't be denied!

Response should be...

"Let's turn that on it's head. Why should I date you?"

Or just "No"