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Original poster

Men in their 40s

505 replies

whitebunnies · 29/04/2022 13:33

I am in my late 30s. I don't know why but men in their late 40s ask me out. This is in real life and not from dating sites. Why would they not date a woman their age? Some of these men have children so it's not like they want to start a family.

OP posts:
AchatAVendre · 04/05/2022 16:40

Stickyoffee · 04/05/2022 05:42

Why don't these men go to Thailand!!

Some of them do. A guy near me started up a Go Fund Me to raise £12k for visa and immigration costs for his Malaysian bride-to-be. No-one contributed though, so I guess he had to get a loan or something. I'm trying to imagine going abroad on holiday and then starting a Go Fund Me to bring back a holiday boyfriend! Its basically asking for other people to pay for your love life.

Even when a couple from such a background get married, it can take several years for the overseas spouse to obtain residency rights. And then of course once she has citizenship, the overseas wife might get fed up of the British husband and decide to get a divorce, and you can bet that if she has uprooted her entire life to come to the UK and is financially dependent on the husband, it will be an expensive divorce settlement with long standing maintenance and somewhere to live included.

In reality, I suspect a lot of these men end up running around after these women to keep them happy in a way that they wouldn't have countenanced for a British woman. And if younger to start with, then the overseas wife will end up with a very nice little nest egg when he pegs it.

PercyWesterman · 04/05/2022 16:46

Because as far as I'm aware, engineers aren't actually required to have a degree or indeed any science qualifications in this country.

They might struggle to get chartered status without any.

AchatAVendre · 04/05/2022 16:54

PercyWesterman · 04/05/2022 16:46

Because as far as I'm aware, engineers aren't actually required to have a degree or indeed any science qualifications in this country.

They might struggle to get chartered status without any.

However, a huge number of engineers work in well paid engineering positions without one. My DH has an engineering degree and isn't chartered - he says he can't see the point.

But why is this topic about men over 40 trying and failing to date younger women being sidetracked into a discussion about posters (allegedly) lacking science and engineering qualifications? Thats what I'd really like to know!

I mean I know a lot of engineers though my DH and yes a lot of them struggle with women and over-estimate their desirability as well as their salaries so don't bother to learn great social skills - is that why?

Abblebee · 04/05/2022 16:54

I think young women now are more wary of men in their forties trying to have relationships with them. And quite often, its very ordinary men too. Ordinary jobs, ordinary looks, not great company. These men would be far better advised to value women for their company than as a commodity they can show off to their friends. The trouble is, I don't think a lot of them are actually capable. Its very sad.

I agree with this. Dave from Runcorn isn't George Clooney. It's sad that these men are under the impression that women in their 20s will be interested in them. My colleagues in their 20s laugh at the approaches from old men, they are instantly labelled as creepy old men. They show me the profiles of the men who have approached them and screw up their faces in disgust.

OhLordyWhatNow · 04/05/2022 17:28

Some men consider themselves and say they are engineers if they lay tarmac, or dig holes, or operate machinery like CNC lathes for a living. You don't need a degree or even college education for that.

It's all a matter of context.

OhLordyWhatNow · 04/05/2022 17:30

See also:

Good looking and fit.

Context and perception is all

Abblebee · 04/05/2022 17:41

OhLordyWhatNow · 04/05/2022 17:30

See also:

Good looking and fit.

Context and perception is all

Men are much less critical of their own appearance than women.

5128gap · 04/05/2022 17:56

Abblebee · 04/05/2022 16:54

I think young women now are more wary of men in their forties trying to have relationships with them. And quite often, its very ordinary men too. Ordinary jobs, ordinary looks, not great company. These men would be far better advised to value women for their company than as a commodity they can show off to their friends. The trouble is, I don't think a lot of them are actually capable. Its very sad.

I agree with this. Dave from Runcorn isn't George Clooney. It's sad that these men are under the impression that women in their 20s will be interested in them. My colleagues in their 20s laugh at the approaches from old men, they are instantly labelled as creepy old men. They show me the profiles of the men who have approached them and screw up their faces in disgust.

I think there's two broad groups.
The first genuinely believe they are attractive. They labour under the delusion that young women appreciate their 'experience and wisdom', mediocre position in middle management and ability to 'spoil' them with the odd Toby carvery or weekend in Prague.
The others simply don't care. It never crosses their minds that young women are people with their own tastes and preferences, all they care about is what they want.

Abblebee · 04/05/2022 18:18

The first genuinely believe they are attractive. They labour under the delusion that young women appreciate their 'experience and wisdom', mediocre position in middle management and ability to 'spoil' them with the odd Toby carvery or weekend in Prague.The others simply don't care. It never crosses their minds that young women are people with their own tastes and preferences, all they care about is what they want.

How many times do they have to get rejected before the penny drops?

frozendaisy · 04/05/2022 19:03

Don't you think the explosion of online hardcore porn has contributed to middle aged tossers thinking "I never got that hot anal fucking when I was younger I DESERVE it now". And they think all young modern females are into arse fucking by anyone because they clearly want it all the time and the boring middle aged frumpy women don't arse fuck so they think I want some young ass.

Oh it's just wrong.

You should have to (privately) age verify with OLD and you should be able to block and accept age parameters yourself.

I cross paths locally with some middle aged tossers and they are so deeply unattractive, boring, up themselves arseholes they honestly deserve to be sexless forever.

OhLordyWhatNow · 04/05/2022 19:25

@frozendaisy
Male entitlement 101 right there.

Abblebee · 04/05/2022 19:27

Don't you think the explosion of online hardcore porn has contributed to middle aged tossers thinking "I never got that hot anal fucking when I was younger I DESERVE it now". And they think all young modern females are into arse fucking by anyone because they clearly want it all the time and the boring middle aged frumpy women don't arse fuck so they think I want some young ass.

Interesting theory and some truth in it. I think younger women are seen as more sexually liberated. The bit that the older guys don't comprehend is that the younger women are being sexually liberated with likeminded, younger men. Not the old sexist with a dad bod.

PercyWesterman · 04/05/2022 19:56

I think there's two broad groups.

So, which group would you put men who are responding to obvious signals of attraction from a younger woman?

Do they need a third group, or should they be excluded from this discussion altogether?

5128gap · 04/05/2022 19:59

Abblebee · 04/05/2022 19:27

Don't you think the explosion of online hardcore porn has contributed to middle aged tossers thinking "I never got that hot anal fucking when I was younger I DESERVE it now". And they think all young modern females are into arse fucking by anyone because they clearly want it all the time and the boring middle aged frumpy women don't arse fuck so they think I want some young ass.

Interesting theory and some truth in it. I think younger women are seen as more sexually liberated. The bit that the older guys don't comprehend is that the younger women are being sexually liberated with likeminded, younger men. Not the old sexist with a dad bod.

Unfortunately their own performance tends to be very poor in comparison to that of younger men. I doubt many would have the capability to manage such things to an acceptable standard in the event a woman required it of them.

Itsmythreadandilldeleteifiwantto · 04/05/2022 20:09

It's all very primal. Men don't fancy older women (on the whole - I know there are exceptions) because older women are past child-bearing. It's all to do with wanting to scatter your seed as widely as possible and potentially impregnate as many women as possible.

Women, by contrast, don't have ovaries to scatter around, so they are often attracted to men who are older (apparently more secure) and richer (ditto). I'm thinking more of The Savoy than a Toby Shittery. I'm also thinking higher than "middle management".

I cross paths locally with some middle aged tossers and they are so deeply unattractive, boring, up themselves arseholes they honestly deserve to be sexless forever

I'm not sure that those adjectives are solely applicable to middle-aged tossers. To judge by half of the posts on here, younger men are perfectly capable of being unattractive, idle, boring, up themselves arseholes.

frozendaisy · 04/05/2022 20:31

Basically if you are a knuckle dragging grunt you are a knuckle dragging grunt whatever your age.

Itsmythreadandilldeleteifiwantto · 04/05/2022 20:37

frozendaisy · 04/05/2022 20:31

Basically if you are a knuckle dragging grunt you are a knuckle dragging grunt whatever your age.

Exactly.

Itsmythreadandilldeleteifiwantto · 04/05/2022 20:38

And I would politely disagree with you, @5128gap about performance. Again, it's perfectly possible for a younger man to be a crap shag and an older one to be a great one.

5128gap · 04/05/2022 20:40

Itsmythreadandilldeleteifiwantto · 04/05/2022 20:09

It's all very primal. Men don't fancy older women (on the whole - I know there are exceptions) because older women are past child-bearing. It's all to do with wanting to scatter your seed as widely as possible and potentially impregnate as many women as possible.

Women, by contrast, don't have ovaries to scatter around, so they are often attracted to men who are older (apparently more secure) and richer (ditto). I'm thinking more of The Savoy than a Toby Shittery. I'm also thinking higher than "middle management".

I cross paths locally with some middle aged tossers and they are so deeply unattractive, boring, up themselves arseholes they honestly deserve to be sexless forever

I'm not sure that those adjectives are solely applicable to middle-aged tossers. To judge by half of the posts on here, younger men are perfectly capable of being unattractive, idle, boring, up themselves arseholes.

Yeah someone always comes on to trot out the theories. And while it might be correct to explain why old men like young women, it falls flat on its arse the other way round.
And yes, young men can be tossers. But, if it came to a straight choice between a young tosser and an old one.... I wouldn't need the time it takes for the board to revolve to make my mind up.

Palmfrond · 04/05/2022 20:43

frozendaisy · 04/05/2022 19:03

Don't you think the explosion of online hardcore porn has contributed to middle aged tossers thinking "I never got that hot anal fucking when I was younger I DESERVE it now". And they think all young modern females are into arse fucking by anyone because they clearly want it all the time and the boring middle aged frumpy women don't arse fuck so they think I want some young ass.

Oh it's just wrong.

You should have to (privately) age verify with OLD and you should be able to block and accept age parameters yourself.

I cross paths locally with some middle aged tossers and they are so deeply unattractive, boring, up themselves arseholes they honestly deserve to be sexless forever.

Lol!
Public service announcement to any sad anal-fucking deprived middle aged dadbods reading this- it’s a lot like regular fucking but increased chance of poo.

Abblebee · 04/05/2022 20:47

So, which group would you put men who are responding to obvious signals of attraction from a younger woman?

Very wealthy.

Itsmythreadandilldeleteifiwantto · 04/05/2022 20:48

But, if it came to a straight choice between a young tosser and an old one.... I wouldn't need the time it takes for the board to revolve to make my mind up

Same here. The answer would be "neither".

PercyWesterman · 04/05/2022 20:50

Very wealthy.

I wish!

Sunnygirl1 · 04/05/2022 20:51

How old are you?

It's most men's nature with age to get attracted to younger women.

Subconsciously it's about nature and making a woman pregnant (it can happen easier when she is young enough) how it was designed by nature originally. But, of course, not all men & women want to have/can have a child(ren)/more children.

Women 40+, 50+, 60+ can also feel physically attracted to men 10-15-20 years younger if they look 10-15-20 years younger and their feelings can sometimes be mutual.

When I was 24 (got married at 25, he was 37, nearly 38) and was looking for my husband, in my head I had up to 10 years difference maximum for him to be older. He is 13 years older. 17 years of hopefully happy marriage and our (main Treasure, pride & joy) 15-year-old son. This age difference and quite an age gap has worked well for us.

Everyone & every relationship is different and age often is not the most important factor for the happiness of the couple.

Abblebee · 04/05/2022 20:52

PercyWesterman · 04/05/2022 20:50

Very wealthy.

I wish!

Are they obvious signals of attraction though? Or is she just being polite and friendly?

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