HUSBAND SAYS HE'S MOVING TO AUSTRALIA - HELP

[SillySausage01]

My husband says he is going to move to Australia in 5 years time and he is going whether me or our son (1 year old) goes with him.

We've been together for 10+ years. He does not care for his family or mine. He does love our little unit (even if that sounds ridiculous, but it's true).

His main reason for wanting to live there is the lifestyle.

He is serious that he will go without us, because "it is something he has to do."

Please help me digest this not so new info as he's been saying it for about a year...

I love where I live and am close to both our families. I have not shut him down about moving to Oz but he knows I'd prefer not to. I think my reluctance is made greater by him saying he's going anyway...

Sorry, can't se to edit last comment.
Meant ' his passport won't help with Aus..I think...

Tell him why wait. If he's made up his mind he can go now. Say it'd be best for your son as ur thinking of him not just yourself. And then see how he accommodates this information ....

Yes. Tell him It's Now or Never.
Get your child out of Britain...it's a dump. Don't romanticise it here Coz the daffodils are blooming !!
The bills will freeze many next winter. The war with Russia isn't going away.
Get married, then you've both got dial citizenship.
Say yes...don't look back...everyone will be jealous !
If he wants you, he'll be happy.
2of the most beautiful countries on earth !!
Britain ? Yuk..!!! Cold, rude, overcrowded, warmongers, polluted, ...cheap.

And send me a thank you postcard lol !
If it doesn't work, you can come back & buy lots of coats ...

I'm replying because.....looking solely at countries.....why on earth would anyone choose to stay in the UK, with options like that ??

Because moving to the other side of the world with a young family and leaving your entire support network behind might not be the best plan for everyone even if the UK is "shit".
I emigrated to central Europe and it is nicer than UK but you do end up coming up against similar problems - shit weather, rising food prices, accommodation very expensive and having to live somewhere not ideal, no support network of family and friends, having to build friendships from scratch.
And you still have to work and provide for the family and probably won't end up with as much leisure time as you think.

And add in to the mix that the OP's relationship sounds to be on shaky ground anyway, and it would seem that moving to Australia would be foolhardy.

He sounds like a selfish A hole tbh! Who tells their wife ‘I’m going with or without you and his child’?! WTAF!! I’d rather move to NZ than Aus though

Get your child out of Britain...it's a dump. Don't romanticise it here Coz the daffodils are blooming !!

Yeah... all well and good... but the relationship is rocky at best and OP's going to end up stuck on the other side of the world with no support network whatsoever.

I’d go. Lives for living - hang on and enjoy the ride. I’m jealous of my friends in Australia. All having babies on the beach and sunshine. What I would say though is it’s hugely expensive so make sure the job he gets pays the lifestyle!! Enjoy it ☀️

You've add some great responses and I don't have anything to add but wanted to just say I really feel for you as I went through something similar about 15 years ago. Husband decided he wanted to go home to Oz and wanted myself and our child to go too but had decided he had to go whether or not we went with him. He was homesick, not for friends and family, but the weather. I wasn't prepared to move as where he wanted to live there would have been no family or existing friends and my husband's job would have meant lots of time on my own. Really rocky time for us and I planned going it alone for a while. Looking back I realise he was depressed. We're still together living here and have made a good life and are happy. Good luck with whatever you decide.

This.

You’re living as a single mum and supporting yourself anyway. Why drag this out for a selfish man that would rather live his best life than be with his child?

You and your dc deserve better.

Being told that you will be left if you dont give into his demands is bad enough but looking into your eyes and telling you that the child you created together will be abandoned by him as you now dont fit his big plans is sick. His priority should be your child, full stop. I'm so sorry you are having to feel the pain of this...Dont persuade him to stay, encourage him to leave, let him wreck his life and make sure the door is locked when he comes back x

*had

Yes it's expensive. But the salaries are better.
Only they know how " rocky" their relationship is.
Yes you'll have to both work.
It's not '' central Europe ". They speak English & aren't held back by history.

If work is doubtful, stay here. Move up north where it's even cheaper, & the wind cuts like knives, . Shop at poundstretcher, shiver for 7 months a year & claim better benefits. Good pub scene here, cheap booze.
House prices up north a third of down south...know why ? Coz it's freezing !!

   Only you two know if you love each other. Nobody else.

Honestly, I would let him go and say good riddance. If my DH wanted to move to a different country, we would give it genuine discussion and make a decision together. It would never be him saying it was happening with or without us. He would never want to go on his own and never see our children.

I’ve read your posts OP and the more I hear about him, the more I think he’s a manipulative and abusive twat! Whether or not you want to go to Australia is irrelevant. Don’t go with him.

@Triffid1
Please read the OP's first post. Her DH has only been mentioning it for the past year.

He's been watching too many episodes of MAFSA 😂

I had a friend who went to oz with her husband and 2 year old. They had another child and the relationship fell apart. He blocked her from removing the kids from there back to england. She had an awful time of it and her ex turned out to be really nasty and financially she barely managed. Her kids first came back to england when they were 10 and 8. For a court ordered visit of exactly when they had to return to oz. She had to jump through hoops, he pulled out and cancelled previous attempts.

I would tell him you won't be going and split up from him too.

I emigrated to Australia in 2007, lived there until 2015 then moved back to the uk. It is a great life style but it’s not the same as an holiday. You have to work in the heat! I would go back in a heart beat cause I’ve lived there so know what to expect. But it’s a very big decision to leave family and friends. He sounds a bit selfish to say he’s going even if you’re not.

What if he ended the marriage over there, with no family and maybe no friends to support you. Honestly , I wouldn't do it. It's not just down the road either. Be very careful if you do go as he doesn't sound like he loves you or your son as much as he claims.

I wouldn't be sticking around if anybody said they were leaving me and my child to fulfill a fantasy because that's what they are doing, leaving.

Australia isn't exactly next door, I would be surprised if he was able to see his child once a year if he upped and left. Considering the age of your child too it's a tough flight and how exactly is it feasible because it will require at least 10 years of an adult flying with them too. That's expensive even yearly, it's tiring, time consuming and he's not exactly been father of the year. He may as well just come out and say he has no intention of ever seeing either of you again.

He's either incredibly stupid or incredibly deceiving, either way he's very selfish.

having read everything thru now & mentions of NPD + how nice and trusting you are, this resonates with me. if he's certain its what he wants, tell him to go and give it a go by himself. hopefully he will like it and stay. on his own. you'd be well rid of him after what he has done to you. Its hard to understand & I didnt in yr position but pls read up on narcissistic personalty disorder. Join a facebook group on it (there are many) and read the posts, you'll surely be enlightened to tings you never knew are happening to you. Msg me if you need more info.

And i meant he shd try it now on his own. Let him go asap. To another country or just away. He's too comfortable with you and yr money ....

Completely aside from his awful statement about leaving you both, he sounds like a selfish, lazy man-child.
You already pay for everything, do virtually all child care- time to separate and seek true happiness for yourself.

He’s right, lifestyle is 100 times better over there.

His attitude and delivery totally stinks though.

Having been in a situation where I moved with husband, because he wanted to, then we divorced I would so strongly suggest that if you are reluctant to go then DON’T.

If you divorce, you will not be allowed to bring your child back to the UK.

You could fight it in the courts, but if the Australian courts are anything like the UK family court, you will not be given permission to leave, even if your child’s father has nothing to do with him and never sees him.

even if he says now that he would let you go back to the UK, he can change his mind and there is nothing you can do about it.

I would return to Australia tomorrow if I could.

But if your family and life are here, you might not love it. And there is nothing worse than being stuck somewhere you don’t want to be.

I am stuck here because of my children’s father, and it has made me miserable. It has impacted every part of my life negatively. Even my relationship with my children has suffered because of the stress of being so alone and isolated from family.

It's so difficult to give advice without being with the suffering person & knowing as much as possible.

Everyone saying he is a .
But she says.
He does not care for his family or mine. He does love our little unit (even if that sounds ridiculous, but it's true).

Perhaps that is what he wants.
Really
For it to be just you both & your child...?
Let's not pretend....families & ' support networks' won't always be around & can cause a lot of trouble, interfering in laws etc etc.maybe he just wants to get them away somewhere more pleasant...so they can be together without all the; ( fare o say it ..) less important people.
Nobody owes family anything !
Nobody asked to be born !
But...having brought the child into this world, hopefully via love.....then we owe them everything possible.

And that why nobody else matters , really.