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Original poster

Is this a middle aged man thing or have I been unlucky?

216 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 24/04/2022 09:12

Lighthearted but also WTF -So I am OLD at the moment , and I'm noticing that quite a few of the men I'm talking to are so narrow minded and set in their ways.
Current experiences are : a guy commenting on the necklace I was wearing (a spider) and making a big thing out of how it wasn't a normal choice of a necklace, was I a goth etc. (I literally look nothing like a goth and the necklace was from Matalan so completely 'mainstream') Another guy while we were on a date - a little boy came running up to our table, clearly a boy, boys clothes, boys name when the mum called him. Afterwards my date made a big deal of deliberately not knowing if it was a boy or girl - kept saying "he? She? " when I said clearly a boy he replied with "but he had long hair" Are they just deliberately obtuse? Final guy googles everything I say and then says "if I remember rightly, that was built in ..... by ....." as if he knew these really obscure facts. WTF is going on , are they just all tedious old bores or have I been unlucky? (Lighthearted looking for solidarity)

OP posts:
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 25/04/2022 17:51

Opaljewel · 25/04/2022 11:56

You've just reminded me of what Gaston says to Belle in Beauty and the beast.

Gaston: Hello, Belle.
Belle: Bonjour Gaston. (Gaston grabs the book from Belle) Gaston, may I have my book, please?
Gaston: How can you read this? There’s no pictures!
Belle: Well, some people use their imaginations.
Gaston: Belle, it’s about time you got your head out of those books (tossing book into the mud) and paid attention to more important things. . .like me! The whole town’s talking about it. It’s not right for a woman to read–soon she starts getting ideas. . . and thinking.
Belle: Gaston, you are positively primeval.

😁

Show quote history

Ha! Love this

OP posts:
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 25/04/2022 17:52

daisyjgrey · 25/04/2022 13:07

I went on a date once with someone who was about 12 years older than me.

He referred to his phone, at all times, as "my smartphone" (despite everyone and their toddler having one, thus making it just a phone...and he used aforementioned "smartphone" to google things while we spoke, to prove or disprove them.

There's a place near me that is referred to as a village by idiots some locals and I was joking that somewhere that has a big Tesco, two primary schools, one secondary and a functioning bus service can't reasonably be called a village and is clearly a town, people are just denial. Cue him Googling it and delivering some kind of town vs. village sermon to me for the next 8 minutes.

Part of me died that day.

Ooh yeah the old sermon backed up by googling
That's a joy

OP posts:
Mahanii · 25/04/2022 18:53

I once went on a date wearing a very ordinary looking pashmina type scarf. It might have been blue/grey with a gold leaf pattern. So ordinary I can't even remember it.
I told my date I work with Syrian refugees, and he said "yeah you look like a Syrian refugee don't you" and when I questioned him he said "that scarf" with a grimace on his face.
I laugh every time I think about that!

Also agree with the pp from Manchester - I know exactly the MADchester men you mean!!

Mahanii · 25/04/2022 18:57

And yes at the being called a hippy at the slightest thing, a bangle, a pair of dangly earrings, boots, curly hair, a book, enjoying walking 🤣

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 25/04/2022 19:17

This thread has got me thinking exactly what sort of woman do they want? If we can't wear bangles, insect necklaces, scarves etc , what do you think is their photo fit of what a 'normal' woman (in their mind) would look like? What would we wear?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 25/04/2022 19:35

crochetmonkey74 · 25/04/2022 19:17

This thread has got me thinking exactly what sort of woman do they want? If we can't wear bangles, insect necklaces, scarves etc , what do you think is their photo fit of what a 'normal' woman (in their mind) would look like? What would we wear?

Buttoned up pale floral blouse, hair cut sensibly short not stylishly short. Small earrings, studs, not sparkly.

5128gap · 25/04/2022 19:37

crochetmonkey74 · 25/04/2022 19:17

This thread has got me thinking exactly what sort of woman do they want? If we can't wear bangles, insect necklaces, scarves etc , what do you think is their photo fit of what a 'normal' woman (in their mind) would look like? What would we wear?

A younger version of the ex that dumped them. By that age they don't cope well with change.

Mahanii · 25/04/2022 19:41

No I think straight hair, plenty of make up (but not too outlandish), jeans, heels, top that shows cleavage. An iPhone, a purse, a handbag. Nothing that shows too much personality. A tinkly laugh at everything he says. Maybe a slightly gormless look? Definitely no hint of any inner world.

OhLordyWhatNow · 25/04/2022 19:52

Mostly these types of men seem to want an ‘invisible’ woman, a wall flower, who can fade into the background, and is grateful for all their mansplaining, requires minimal input, who wants to be looked after, and won’t rock the boat. They most certainly don’t want personality, uniqueness, or self confidence. If it comes in beige all the better.

Signoramarella · 25/04/2022 19:59

Omg this so resonates with me. Mostly OLD is tragic and a bit shit. However, my.local waitrose is full.of tasty talent. Mostly in shorts. Phwoar. Bit of window shopping.....

MostTacticalNameChange · 25/04/2022 20:06

Oh god, the googling in front of you to verify what you have said then the begrudging 'clever girl' or 'mmm, strangely, seems some people do agree with your version of things'.

I used to enjoy being proved right but then soon learned that came with zero further contact, or if you were in a relationship; punishment.

DatingDinosaur · 25/04/2022 20:35

crochetmonkey74 · 25/04/2022 19:17

This thread has got me thinking exactly what sort of woman do they want? If we can't wear bangles, insect necklaces, scarves etc , what do you think is their photo fit of what a 'normal' woman (in their mind) would look like? What would we wear?

High heels and a smile? 💋👠

SleepingStandingUp · 25/04/2022 20:40

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow what do you look for in your date you go in these walks with but who doesn't read books around you?

Lookingoutside · 25/04/2022 20:42

‘No I think straight hair, plenty of make up (but not too outlandish), jeans, heels, top that shows cleavage. An iPhone, a purse, a handbag. Nothing that shows too much personality. A tinkly laugh at everything he says. Maybe a slightly gormless look? Definitely no hint of any inner world.’

You put it in a nutshell! This thread has me rolling 😂😂😂

Cervinia · 25/04/2022 21:00

HellonHeels · 24/04/2022 19:05

Or maybe when we are young our biological urges help us screen it all out?

I read recently that it's oestrogen that makes us more agreeable. Once levels start to decline as we get older, suddenly we start getting pissed off with all the stuff we never noticed before.

Love this, and this would absolutely explain my moods and confidence these days. If only it didn’t make my joints ache.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 25/04/2022 21:45

@SleepingStandingUp
embarrassed to say as I’m going to the piss ripped out of me again, but we talked about :
fav places we had ever visited
which A levels her DD was doing and unis there were looking to visit
Her dance lessons
how my arthritis affects me
why I bought an ebike
Stanley Tucci’s series about Italian food & eating culture
how much her horse costs to feed & Why Jane Austen was a Gooner. (Joke)

Littlebylittlelittle · 25/04/2022 22:51

Mahanii · 25/04/2022 19:41

No I think straight hair, plenty of make up (but not too outlandish), jeans, heels, top that shows cleavage. An iPhone, a purse, a handbag. Nothing that shows too much personality. A tinkly laugh at everything he says. Maybe a slightly gormless look? Definitely no hint of any inner world.

I believe they are selling those robot sex dolls now but they probably cost to much for these average Joes - plus who’s gonna clean their house ?

OhLordyWhatNow · 25/04/2022 23:12

High heels and a smile? 💋👠

Only for first couple of dates surely? To prove they can catch someone, then it's little criticisms about your outfit or too much makeup, or too many bangles, why are you reading a book? Because they think they want heels and a smile, but ultimately they feel threatened either by the woman herself or other men.

Beige is best.

aurynne · 25/04/2022 23:18

A woman waiting for a man should obviously play with her hair, pull down on her top/miniskirt primly, avoid other men's gaze and check her makeup using a small, girly mirror, to make sure she looks best for her man-date.

Reading means she is obviously not anticipating the arrival of her master with enough awe.

(as a result of reading this thread, I am now going to be early to every date and carry a book with me)

DatingDinosaur · 25/04/2022 23:36

Going back to the OP’s first post in this thread, in all seriousness I’d possibly assume they were a bit nervous and it was a rubbish attempt at making conversation (where they end up digging a hole for themselves instead). I’d test this theory with a little “reciprocal” fun poking to see how they handled that. If they got shirty then it’s a no second date from me.

I suppose it all depends on body language and context?

Ultimately though, if they make you feel uncomfortable or give you the WTAF reaction then they’re probably not the one for you.

As for Book-Gate? If I pick my book up in the middle of the date and start reading it then that’s not a good sign..

😉

Fraaahnces · 26/04/2022 07:10

This is without a doubt the most edjamacashunal OLD thread so far…
It has everything!

What men want
Style & Beauty Advice…
Historical Reenactment…
Fight Scene…
Books….
Knitting…
Yumor…
Beauty and the Beast quote…

Who needs dating with you lot?

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 26/04/2022 07:35

I have a date organised for tomorrow so we will see how it goes...

OP posts:
Fireflygal · 26/04/2022 08:18

@BlueSlate, Glad you have found a good man. As he's 12 years older it further confirms my thoughts that men look to date a younger age range once they hit mid 40s.

@crochetmonkey74, good luck for the date. You seem to the right attitude.

toomanytwinkies · 26/04/2022 08:37

I a man, (also doing some OLD), and i would also not associate pubs with reading

It must be really limiting in that box you put yourself in

toomanytwinkies · 26/04/2022 08:43

I had a man in work once say to me, ‘you always wear a scarf don’t you’ … yeah, what of it Nigel? Like, thanks for your random comment. What? 😐