Is this a middle aged man thing or have I been unlucky?

[crochetmonkey74]

Lighthearted but also WTF -So I am OLD at the moment , and I'm noticing that quite a few of the men I'm talking to are so narrow minded and set in their ways.
Current experiences are : a guy commenting on the necklace I was wearing (a spider) and making a big thing out of how it wasn't a normal choice of a necklace, was I a goth etc. (I literally look nothing like a goth and the necklace was from Matalan so completely 'mainstream') Another guy while we were on a date - a little boy came running up to our table, clearly a boy, boys clothes, boys name when the mum called him. Afterwards my date made a big deal of deliberately not knowing if it was a boy or girl - kept saying "he? She? " when I said clearly a boy he replied with "but he had long hair" Are they just deliberately obtuse? Final guy googles everything I say and then says "if I remember rightly, that was built in ..... by ....." as if he knew these really obscure facts. WTF is going on , are they just all tedious old bores or have I been unlucky? (Lighthearted looking for solidarity)

I feel like I'm on one of these dates right now ....😁

Join the club. I always thought I was a bit of a geek, not a wild one. But we live and learn 😂

Please do! I need the laughs

I would have thought being out in the sticks meant it was MORE common to have books/other stuff in a pub? I used to live in rural wales, and seriously, people would wear/carry literally anything they wanted. There was no consideration of what was ‘appropriate’.

It doesn't matter what we think, a man has declared it odd

This might just be my friendship group but women and gay men seem more curious about new music, new books, new destinations. More aware of the outside world. This extends to new ways of thinking. It's called evolution, we evolve and change as we get older.

Straight men, on the other hand, seem to get stuck in the time just before they settled down. In my case (I live in Manchester) they all seem to be stuck in the MADchester scene of the late 90s. They all list MADchester music as their anthems in their profiles and spend their free time going to fake festivals to watch Oasis tribute bands. They have that Manchester haircut that the MADchester bands had in the late 90s (even if their hair is noticeably thinning 😬).

I now really want to go and sit in a cosy pub with a pint and a book!

Well the spider necklace did a good job of repelling a dick head. Kind of like how crucifixes repel vampires. Mataram did you say? I might get one to wear next time I go to a pub with my book.

But he SPECIFICALLY takes painkillers on a date (not in London).

And look, now this thread is about him.

🤣😂🤣

And yes, I did want to query the painkillers.

Just what is he expecting these women to DO to him?

Give him earache from all our rabbiting on I should imagine

This is my perfect afternoon if you add I'm a squashy settee and an open fire at the pub

OP, it is the lack of effort which astounds me on occasion. The lack of effort from some middle aged men to even vaguely look nice / groomed, the lack of effort to show interest in anyone other than themselves, the lack of effort to make a good impression. It's like they honestly don't think they have to make any effort. I am snorting at some of this thread and nodding along.

..and I don't mean showing interest in your spider necklace like that!

You know those relationship threads where the DH is cheating on his wife, or no longer bothers to wash or swans about contributing nothing or is a complete sex pest?
Every time I see those threads, I think as soon as that MNer finally dumps him and he goes from DH to XH, that fellow going to be going straight onto the apps.
Pretty sure OLD is full of the Bs from the LTB and that's a horrible thought.

Also, I would totally take a book to the pub to read while I waited for my date to arrive. I'm on Team Book.

Pretty sure OLD is full of the Bs from the LTB and that's a horrible thought.

I can confirm that hypothesis for you.

Yes!! Some dates turn up as if they are going for a run or watching telly at home. Make an effort!

I never thought of this but its of course right!!

i have arthritis in my feet, walking can be painful some days, there is pub we sometimes visit that has a canal side walk, which is very pleasant but painful

Why is reading suspicious?!!

OP I don't date but oddly am seeing this post after a weird experience today. I had a coffee with a neighbour. I don't know what I was expecting, he could have been gay for all I knew.

He went on about how much he liked me - my bad, I failed to notice and actually am not convinced it's true. He spent an hour telling me this about himself....

1. his dad used to hit him and he thinks that made him a better man

2. he said he is aggressive and angry and he seems quite proud of the former though says he is now in therapy for the latter. He said "I would never be angry or aggressive to a lady".

3. he seems to have left a few jobs because people tried to force him out, "because that always happens to me".

Oh, and apparently he is telling me this because he really likes me and wouldn't trust anyone else with the information. I'm his favourite of all the neighbours apparently, the others are "fake". We are part of a group who helped elderly neighbours in the lockdown. I thought it was a nice little community here but he seems to hate everyone.

Or is he now inviting everyone for coffee and telling them the same?

He's in his 30s, good looking and probably wondering why he's single. I haven't dated for over a decade but if this is what's out there - bloody hell!

Ah now that is a very good reason. However you just threw ‘painkillers’ into your sentence with no explanation so………🤷‍♀️.

However, taking a book with you is perfectly normal. It’s like a phone, except you can’t enlarge the page, however much you try with your fingers.

And taking a book somewhere where you know you are arriving earlier than agreed is a VERY normal thing to do. Honestly!

You're right in one way but actually they get on the apps before they actually leave home!

To be fair, most people would just read on their phone nowadays, since there's unlikely to be time to read several chapters while waiting for someone, and a book or kindle is heavier to carry. But it's not weird to be reading a book in a pub, I agree.

I'm not dating but my view is most men, married or otherwise, tend to be opinionated and inclined to pontificate on what they "know". Maybe it gets worse with age but I notice this a lot.

Or maybe when we are young our biological urges help us screen it all out?