Is this a middle aged man thing or have I been unlucky?

[crochetmonkey74]

Lighthearted but also WTF -So I am OLD at the moment , and I'm noticing that quite a few of the men I'm talking to are so narrow minded and set in their ways.
Current experiences are : a guy commenting on the necklace I was wearing (a spider) and making a big thing out of how it wasn't a normal choice of a necklace, was I a goth etc. (I literally look nothing like a goth and the necklace was from Matalan so completely 'mainstream') Another guy while we were on a date - a little boy came running up to our table, clearly a boy, boys clothes, boys name when the mum called him. Afterwards my date made a big deal of deliberately not knowing if it was a boy or girl - kept saying "he? She? " when I said clearly a boy he replied with "but he had long hair" Are they just deliberately obtuse? Final guy googles everything I say and then says "if I remember rightly, that was built in ..... by ....." as if he knew these really obscure facts. WTF is going on , are they just all tedious old bores or have I been unlucky? (Lighthearted looking for solidarity)

You can tell why these guys are still single 😂😂 sorry op they have no social skills

Chaperones. It's why, in the genuine olden days, women always had a chaperone...

Nowadays we use books and the like to keep unwanted attention at bay.

Or maybe women just shouldn't be out on their own without a man and anything that permits us to do so is 'odd'.

Who knows... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ooh maybe I should have waited outside, got cold and just stared into space like Aunt Sally until Worzel came along and I suddenly animated.

How petty, very off putting

I've been thinking about my options

1. No book , end up chatting to all the blokes who want to make conversation, date arrives 'when I arrived she was talking to all the other blokes in there '
2. Stare into space 'when I arrived she was just weird sitting alone saying nothing'
3. Sit and look at phone ' when I arrived she was texting other people'

I think they want us to sort of hang around nervously at the door like in films

This made me laugh so much, you sound like a heck of a lot more fun than my dates OP!

Why doesn’t Mumsnet have a dating section? Or a discord? I’d be up for it! Generally the men here sound great (although we’d have to ALWAYS turn up with a book!).

Thanks! Fancy a date? 😉

I took my knitting to the pub once 25 +years ago, now that caused consternation! I was meeting my boyfriend and his friends after work and I knew they were going to talk about their mutual hobby a lot so i came prepared to keep myself occupied. I got a lot of stick for that and comments about knitting being for grannies and they were young! (but all 50+ now of course!).
Then boyf, now DH never goes anywhere without a sketchbook, including the pub, he's a keeper!

@FarFarFarAndAway
@crochetmonkey74

I can’t be the chief bridesmaid but I can be the witness. And I have lovely handwriting for your marriage certificate 😁.

My god, if I'd done that my date would have burst into flames and burned me as a witch!
Love the sketchbook, definitely a keeper!

‘Maybe I’m a cynical cow, but being at pains to establish how ‘wacky’ you are sounds a bit like laying the foundations for future gaslighting, if needed (don’t be silly, it’s completely rational to spend £1000s on vintage guitars. As if I would trust your wacky opinion on this, you know how bonkers you are…)’

Absolutely. Most definitely.

Don’t even stay for the rest of the date.

I don't know if it's still the case but 40 years ago at university friends and I knitted a lot and had a German housemate who told us it was common for women to knit in many public places such as cafes , pubs, parks, even at lectures.

I think you're meant to arrive after them because it's unbecoming to be sat alone in a pub. But not too long after them, they might get bored and flirt with a barmaid.

This thread is hilarious. I read so many comments on here from men doing OLD bemoaning that they can't find the women they hoped for.

It's mainly because most men behave like dicks on there so most single women over 35 won't even consider bothering with it. Who can be bothered with losers who think it's a bad thing that you read?! 🤣🙈

I think a lot of middle aged men who are dating are lost, lonely and confused. Such people are unlikely to delight in anything at all, let alone an item of jewellery or the enjoyment of a good book. Their default position therefore is to question these things. This often tips over into negging etc, but I would question how conscious or deliberate it is. It’s just them. Cheerless joy suckers. Bin.

I'm lost, lonely and confused. 😂It never translates into that behaviour.

i reckon men like that behave like that even when they are happy and this is just how they treat women, especially ones they are dating. They're looking for someone to grind down.

I'm early 50's and some of the men my age are often emotionally a mix between a teenage boy and a geriatric (with apologies to both those groups). Also set in their ways, unable to think outside their experience, judgmental and opinionated. Nice enough, funny enough but just not as adaptable as women that age.
They would absolutely get set off by a statement necklace or bangles probably because they are embarrassed and lack filters and just think they are being funny. Or looking for a random reason why the lovely woman opposite them who is far better than they should expect, isn't perfect so if she isn't interested they can say she was weird or a hippy.
The ones who have children that are younger are often better as they have to keep up a bit.

You've just reminded me of what Gaston says to Belle in Beauty and the beast.

Gaston: Hello, Belle.
Belle: Bonjour Gaston. (Gaston grabs the book from Belle) Gaston, may I have my book, please?
Gaston: How can you read this? There’s no pictures!
Belle: Well, some people use their imaginations.
Gaston: Belle, it’s about time you got your head out of those books (tossing book into the mud) and paid attention to more important things. . .like me! The whole town’s talking about it. It’s not right for a woman to read–soon she starts getting ideas. . . and thinking.
Belle: Gaston, you are positively primeval.

😁

And yes I copied and pasted that quote. I couldn't be arsed typing it all out. 😅

I never leave the house without my Kindle. Can't even begin to imagine how reading while I wait for someone would be bad. Sometimes I secretly hope people will be late so I can legitimately read in peace for a few minutes.

🤣 so bloody true!!

I went on a date once with someone who was about 12 years older than me.

He referred to his phone, at all times, as "my smartphone" (despite everyone and their toddler having one, thus making it just a phone...and he used aforementioned "smartphone" to google things while we spoke, to prove or disprove them.

There's a place near me that is referred to as a village by idiots some locals and I was joking that somewhere that has a big Tesco, two primary schools, one secondary and a functioning bus service can't reasonably be called a village and is clearly a town, people are just denial. Cue him Googling it and delivering some kind of town vs. village sermon to me for the next 8 minutes.

Part of me died that day.

Ooooh! I took my knitting to the pub while the football was on yesterday! Why wouldn't I use that time wisely?! Men are nonsense (except my one, he's alright).