Is this a middle aged man thing or have I been unlucky?

[crochetmonkey74]

Lighthearted but also WTF -So I am OLD at the moment , and I'm noticing that quite a few of the men I'm talking to are so narrow minded and set in their ways.
Current experiences are : a guy commenting on the necklace I was wearing (a spider) and making a big thing out of how it wasn't a normal choice of a necklace, was I a goth etc. (I literally look nothing like a goth and the necklace was from Matalan so completely 'mainstream') Another guy while we were on a date - a little boy came running up to our table, clearly a boy, boys clothes, boys name when the mum called him. Afterwards my date made a big deal of deliberately not knowing if it was a boy or girl - kept saying "he? She? " when I said clearly a boy he replied with "but he had long hair" Are they just deliberately obtuse? Final guy googles everything I say and then says "if I remember rightly, that was built in ..... by ....." as if he knew these really obscure facts. WTF is going on , are they just all tedious old bores or have I been unlucky? (Lighthearted looking for solidarity)

@OnlyClothes
next time I see my date, I’ll ask her which book she has brought & if she starts reading during the date l’ll know things are not going well & I’m clearly boring middle aged man 👨🏻‍🦳, which does seem the be the general opinion…

If someone who turned up for a date with me did that (back in my single days), I'd have found it quite convenient for filtering out very conventional men. I don't do very conventional.

You do understand the book and the date were seperate entities. Oh look my date has arrived puts book in bag

Yes to the bangles, my last date asked if I was a 'hippy' due to the 3 thin gold bangles on my wrist. 😩

Or maybe when we are young our biological urges help us screen it all out?

I read recently that it's oestrogen that makes us more agreeable. Once levels start to decline as we get older, suddenly we start getting pissed off with all the stuff we never noticed before.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

Yes you do that. That'll be one interesting conversation.

And another, very different conversation, could be ‘what would you do to entertain yourself in a predominantly male space when you are waiting by yourself for half an hour? Perhaps read a book?’

Two different situations. Did the OP say she would get the book out and read halfway through the date? Show me where, because I missed that.

That's interesting. I don't think I'm peri yet, as my only symptom seems to be decreased tolerance of idiot men.

I'd assumed it was more psychological- I don't need to breed and I don't need a provider. The purpose men have for me is sex and good company. Unfortunately most aren't much good at either of those.

What's the general opinion? Thar middle aged men are boring or that you're boring?

Because, tbh, it's not that you come across as 'boring' more that you are so narrow in your outlook that you can't imagine someone doing something different to you without it being 'odd' 🤷🏻‍♀️

Closed mindedness isn't a very attractive quality in anyone, of either sex or any age.

Nor needing to breed and not needing a provider are reasons but I've also read that it's oestrogen that makes women more 'agreeable'.

I probably fall in to both camps. I'm 47 now and I've certainly got less tolerance for idiots!

Bloody well said, @GreyCarpet

The lack of ability to see that other people can do things differently to yourself, and it’s okay.

The next date I’m going on I shall try to get there early and read a book. Any book.

@GreyCarpet

I'm 43 so there's a chance I might be peri. I assume my oestrogen levels are lower than they were in my 20s. I've had a couple of incidents while driving recently, I've stood my ground when middle aged men have tried to "instruct" me when driving. In both cases, I had the right of way.

I'm 47 as well!
Maybe our tolerance is low , but the bangle comment to a PP is so indicative. They sort of want to categorise us as odd to roll their eyes at. My theory is : they feel self conscious and fragile that they might get turned down so they put us in a category so when there's no click, instead of being an adult and going "good luck in future even though we don't click" they need to be able to say "she was a right bloody hippy/goth/book reading psycho anyway"

The next date I’m going on I shall try to get there early and read a book. Any book
🙄
Tedious

My theory is : they feel self conscious and fragile that they might get turned down so they put us in a category so when there's no click, instead of being an adult and going "good luck in future even though we don't click" they need to be able to say "she was a right bloody hippy/goth/book reading psycho anyway"

I think this insecurity is the root cause of a lot of the bad behaviour. I think because they often haven't evolved past how things were when they were young, they feel a bit lost / confused by the modern world.

Ugh, I had one recently where 2 men stepped off the curb in front of me.

Had the top down on the car so they called to me, "Blimey, love. You nearly had us then!"

"Well maybe you should have looked. You'd have seen me coming then,"

"Well, if you'd looked you'd have seen us coming,"

"Yeah, well I'm in a car. On the road. You want to step into the road, you look for cars first. Now get out of my way."

Idiots.

Oops ignore my last post ! I copied and pasted wrong! Sorry @OnlyClothes I wasn't being rude

I a man, (also doing some OLD), and i would also not associate pubs with reading, but I wouldn’t mention it in case my date thought that was weird

Why is it weird to read a book but not weird to read the news on your phone? I never leave the house without a book and if I'm meeting someone and I'm early or they're late I would pass the time reading. I didn't realise it was a strange thing to do 🤷🏼‍♀️

I get what you're saying OP. I'm in a wonderful relationship with a fantastic man but if I ever found myself single again I just don't think I'd bother looking for another man. The good ones are few and far between and I just find women's company far more pleasurable.

The lack of ability to see that other people can do things differently to yourself, and it’s okay.

Sad thing for them is that this is one of the Early Learning Goals in the social and emotional development bit - understanding that other people do things differently to you and like different things and that it's OK.

Yeah and not only OK but sometimes interesting and a step in our own self development

Are you being deliberately obtuse? At what point has anyone said they would read during the date? It's a way of passing the time. What are acceptable ways of passing the time if reading is deemed unacceptable??

Bizarre.

Are you being deliberately obtuse?
I think the answer to this is yes when they feel threatened by women. Rile them up and then say "calm down love I was only winding you up"
The ultimate in cunty behaviour

Sounds about right.
I see this far too often unfortunately.

An Early Learning Goal? What, for the nation’s five year olds? And some of these grown men haven’t mastered it?! That’s brilliant 😂.

Yes, of course I understand, it’s the idea of going out to to meet a date with a book in my pocket , is something I have never done, ( or thought of doing), but It sounds like a great idea,

Ladies, you know what I just realised ? We are still arguing about how it's not odd for women to read! Just like all those Victorian women whose husbands locked them up. So glad it's all moved on 🙄