Husband and I having different views on him not working

[coffy11]

I've been going over this in my head for so long and would really love to get some perspective from others in this situation.

So some background, dh was a SAHD for a number of years when the kids were little and never had a career as such. I've always been the breadwinner and love working. Dh has had various casual jobs here and there but quits when it gets hard. He has anxiety and issues with his knees, back etc so the type of jobs he's done in the past have been cleaning type jobs which he can't really do anymore because of his health issues.

We haven't really talked about it but he has pretty much decided that he is "semi retiring" and won't really look for work because as he says he's not qualified to do anything and nobody would want him.

The problem is that while I understand his health/anxiety concerns it's not fair that he gets to decide that without me agreeing. I have so much resentment that's built up over the years and i feel like something has to give. It's like I've lost respect for him, I'm always annoyed with him and then he's annoyed that I'm annoyed. I just want him to want to contribute financially, even if he went out looking for work one day a week it would make all the difference. I just feel like I'm stuck and have no idea what to do. I just want to stop being angry with him all the time.

Any advice?

Ew, a non-working man is unattractive as fuck (if there are no real medical issues or childcare stopping him). Hope he doesn't expect a shag after you've been at work all day and paid the bills.

I have no idea why you decided to resurrect this thread with such retrograde nonsense. But now that the thread has been reanimated, I will say that there is nothing even remotely accurate about the statement that women are "wired" to be supported financially by their husbands. They may have been socialised to accept this position (alas) but that is another issue entirely.

Personally, I could never respect a partner who unilaterally decided to stop working while I continued. I would be able to support myself and my family on my salary alone (and have done so for brief periods when necessary) but I am very glad that my DH also works full-time. As partners, we share responsibilities. One person being in charge of the house while the other brings home the money would never, ever be something I would aspire to. I don't think that setup does anyone any good.

What would you say if a man said this about a woman, I wonder?

Don't get me wrong, I think the OP's H clearly needs to get a job because she doesn't want to subsidise his lifestyle choices. I would say exactly the same if the genders were reversed. However, if a man came onto MN and said what you have above in relation to a woman, I suspect there would be outrage!!

I wouldn't be happy about this either OP.

What does he do all day?