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Original poster

Found camera in house

294 replies

Forschittssake · 10/04/2022 20:03

Hi,

This morning I found our old WiFi baby camera on top of the bookcase, plugged in and facing across the living room. You can see with it via an app, which I don't log into anymore (haven't for months)

I confronted my husband as soon as I found it, and he said it was to keep an eye on the pets, and for security and it isn't on anyway. (You turn it on via the app).

I feel utterly violated and made it clear to him. He keeps saying he trusts me and he forgot he put it there and forgot to tell me about it.

We've been together 15 years, young children. Both work. I work evenings so home all day with kids.

Relationship is generally good, nothing like this has happened before. Had our issues over the years as has anyone, but no issues around fidelity etc.

I'm in two minds as to whether it is a dealbreaker for me. On the one hand it is utterly unacceptable whatever the reason and a giant red flag. On the other... if what he has said is true, then I feel it would be an overreaction to leave the marriage over it.

I suppose it comes down to whether I believe him or not, and at present I'm on the fence. Utterly furiously on the fence.

Is this an instant dealbreaker for you? Help.

OP posts:
WouldBeGood · 10/04/2022 22:11

Total dealbreaker for me. Fucking weird and creepy.

Original poster
Forschittssake · 10/04/2022 22:13

So in regards to the watch, he was saying it hadn't recorded him waking up to the kids, so couldn't show me what times they were waking, and said it jokingly about still being asleep when he is getting up to them. As per a previous poster though, it could just be the watch not registering it.

He isn't an arrogant man at all, we've had our ups and downs, but never anything to ring alarm bells.

So I don't know if I'm totally overthinking and he has been getting up to kids and I haven't been hearing them (although I feel this is unlikely Hmm ) and his explanation is true about the camera. But, my gut is that I don't believe him. Although I don't know why I don't believe him, neither of us has any reason to check up on the other, but my gut is that he's done it to check in.

I do feel like he's been gaslighting me about the nights, which is perhaps why I'm so angry about the camera (although I would be massively miffed about that anyway, without the sleep thing)

OP posts:
Summerfun54321 · 10/04/2022 22:15

If he really wanted to spy on you there are much better secret cameras out there - a baby monitor wouldn’t worry me. But you know your DH the best and whether to trust him or not.

bluebaul · 10/04/2022 22:16

Why did he hide the camera if it was to film the pets? Think about it OP. If the camera was simply there to film your pets and he forgot to tell you about it, why was it hidden?

This man is spinning you a good one. I would absolutely leave a man who did this to me. The reason is completely irrelevant. Violation has no place in a relationship.

Original poster
Forschittssake · 10/04/2022 22:16

I've logged in on my app but it doesn't show anything, but it isn't his log in - they're separate ones. It also used to be set up on the ipad, but checked that and the camera is no longer on there, and I don't know the password to his account for the app.

OP posts:
Roseglen84 · 10/04/2022 22:17

I have never suspected him of checking my phone, and have never checked his.

Well maybe you should - given his strange behaviour and attempt at gaslighting you, it might provide some answers.
If you can't trust your husband or even have a reasonable expectation of privacy in your own home, there is something very wrong.

To be honest I don't think confronting him is going to do any good - he will just lie or bullshit you again.

HollowTalk · 10/04/2022 22:35

I don't believe him about the Fitbit records. If it's showing he's asleep it's because he's asleep. This man is a complete and utter liar.

HollowTalk · 10/04/2022 22:37

If you are home all day with the animals why does he need to watch them on video? He could just message you and ask if the cats are okay. Does he ever ask you that when he comes home from work?

lms2017 · 10/04/2022 22:48

Does anyone else come in the home such as a cleaner ? That he watches.

Or I know it's probably not the case whenever your out does he have anyone over and he is recording something to watch later on the app? .

It couldn't be innocent, it wasn't exactly a hidden camera if it's on a bookcase ? . X

Squeezyhug · 10/04/2022 22:51

Tell him this has put your relationship at risk, that finding the camera there has made you feel he’s been spying on you.

Tell him that no matter how much you try, you can’t shake that feeling. That you want to believe him but are struggling with it.

Ask to see the app
Ask to see his phone too, to go through it in case there’s anything else you need to know.

If he is keen to restore some of your trust in him and there’s nothing to hide, he will comply without question.
If not then you probably know there is more to it.

Squeezyhug · 10/04/2022 22:52

And ask him if he found a hidden camera, how he’d feel

RuppyDa · 10/04/2022 22:52

Is he one of these "what do you do all day ?" Types .... making out you do next to nothing while at home looking after kids ? Especially while he looks after them at night and is also "up all night " with them too? Could that be a reason for the camera ?

Original poster
Forschittssake · 10/04/2022 22:57

Never asks about the cats, and no, nobody else comes in the house.

It was on the very top, situated so it could see the room, but you'd only spot it if you were looking up there.

OP posts:
Squeezyhug · 10/04/2022 22:57

@ims2017

It’s a hidden camera because OP didn’t know about it.

It’s weird to put a camera up in a hidden place without telling your spouse/dp

Why hide it if it’s just to keep an eye on the pets ?
He could have just left it on the coffee table 🤔

Original poster
Forschittssake · 10/04/2022 22:59

@RuppyDa No, he isn't thankfully, he'd have been out on his ear a long time ago if he was like that!

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 10/04/2022 23:12

I’ve got a Fitbit it records when I wake in the night. When I go into the sleep section on the app it shows I woke after a period of sleep especially if I’ve got up and done something. Then it shows I slept some more (if I did).

SpringsSprung · 10/04/2022 23:32

@sunlight81

Not a deal breaker.

We have cameras all over the home for security, and it's a semi in a rural town.

I work from home, and do nothing wrong so have no reason to worry. My hubby can look on at me any time he wants but im afraid it will be rather boring!!!

why does it bother u? U think he's spying? Are u doing something wrong to be fearful of him finding out about?

Are you serious!?!?!?! She's entitled to bloody privacy!!!
SpringsSprung · 10/04/2022 23:34

I would be gone and certainly would end the marriage! He's a controlling creep at best but at worst, a bloody pervert!!!!

Icanflyhigh · 10/04/2022 23:54

@sunlight81

Not a deal breaker.

We have cameras all over the home for security, and it's a semi in a rural town.

I work from home, and do nothing wrong so have no reason to worry. My hubby can look on at me any time he wants but im afraid it will be rather boring!!!

why does it bother u? U think he's spying? Are u doing something wrong to be fearful of him finding out about?

^^This.

Exactly this. I work from home and if hubby wants to see me at my desk that's fine with me.

If he's lucky he might see me empty the cat litter tray and scratch my ass a couple times.

What are you doing that horrified you so much that DH might see?!

Babadook76 · 11/04/2022 00:53

@Icanflyhigh yeh I agree. Totally normal to set up spy cameras in the house without telling your spouse. Also normal for him to change the password etc on the app so she can’t see what he’s watching. If she’s now paranoid to the point that she potentially getting broadcasted on the internet and is having to search the rest of the house for secret spy cams, that’s totally on her. How dare she expect to live comfortably in her own home without having to worry her husband is secretly filming her 🙄

Lanareyrey · 11/04/2022 05:02

Dealbreaker for me sorry OP.

Weatherwax13 · 11/04/2022 05:16

It was hidden out of view. So it was his secret not something he just forgot to tell you about.
I think your instincts about this are spot on OP.
You already know he lies to you ie waking for the kids whilst you sleep through it all.

Eviebeans · 11/04/2022 05:37

You say the camera was in the living room. What is/was the camera actually focused on? Your spot on the sofa? The chair you usually sit in?
His reaction about being awake in the night with children sounds off. In most couples if this were happening the one doing the waking would be asking the other to wake up and take their turn.
This has my spideysenses tingling but I can't say exactly why...

Thehundredthnamechange · 11/04/2022 05:48

Confused wouldn't be a delabreaker for me at all! Not even close. I don't think I'd be remotely phased by this, if my husband said he put it up to check on the pets, I'd believe him. Absolutely no reason not to. And he has no reason to want to spy on me. If I was in your shoes, the conversation would have gone like this:
Me: What's this camera doing here?
DH: I put it up to watch the pets
Me: Oh. Good idea. Moves on with day and never thinks about it again

Dairymilk50 · 11/04/2022 05:49

Ohhh Dear OP. Too late now but next time you find something alarming don't rush to tell him.

To be honest I would of demanded to see the footage on the camera, times, dates and when your DH had been watching it back himself.

What animals do you have? I think he has not been getting up with the kids and its sickening he's pretending. Which mother on multiple occasions sleeps through waking kids in the night?? If only Confused

If this was my DH he would be out so FAST- dealbreaker and I don't usually like telling others to leave.

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