Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

You're obviously really busy at the moment, I'll let you get on with it, let me know when you come up for air"
That is such a well-worded message!!!!! I am going to save and shamelessly steal at some point because I know I will need it 😀Would be so funny if several us end up dating this man at some point and overtime he gets the same wording

@WeWantTheFinestWines I love a scruffy dad bod 🤣🤣😍

Bet you anything he starts chasing you again @Thisisworsethananticpated… in 5… 4… 3… bet he is already 😅

@Stepcount no he doesn’t have dc, he very much communicated this is something he wants in future as do I (no rush but it’s in the plan). It’s the change in energy with the communication etc that has given me the off feeling, if it had stayed consistent I wouldn’t have these feelings.

@JangolinaPitt

You're obviously really busy at the moment, I'll let you get on with it, let me know when you come up for air" That is such a well-worded message!!!!! I am going to save and shamelessly steal at some point because I know I will need it 😀Would be so funny if several us end up dating this man at some point and overtime he gets the same wording

😊 Thanks! I used it with Mr Favourite Place when he was moving house and changing jobs and cancelled our date zero. I then wrote him off. He got in touch when he was more settled and we met up.

@Thisisworsethananticpated sorry to hear about Balkan. Did you hear anything from the 22 year old again?

@JangolinaPitt

You're obviously really busy at the moment, I'll let you get on with it, let me know when you come up for air" That is such a well-worded message!!!!! I am going to save and shamelessly steal at some point because I know I will need it 😀Would be so funny if several us end up dating this man at some point and overtime he gets the same wording

Yes I'm also going to remember this one!

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Brightstar29

When this happens to me I delete their contact and all ability to contact them

Means I’m not stalking them via WhatsApp either

If he replies you can maybe give benefit of the doubt and make a date to assess

And if he doesn’t you can’t text and you have your answer

The stakes are way tougher at your age so I think a degree of brutality and boundary management is critical
You don’t want to be losing time and emotion

Me too! In the early days I would chase and stalk via watsap. Now I just delete. On the odd occasion I will give in and contact via the app and then I get 'Oh hello, why are you not sending me a message on watsap?'

Daydreamscometrue

No ! 22 year old cancelled me
Phew
He’s 8 years older than son FFS

He was a also getting a bit too excited and had , shall we say , highly sexual expectations

It’s for the best . I need to have a break and observe my customary 1 week of mourning

And thanks for everyone’s kind messages for my loss ( of endless WhatsApp , attention and sex )
You are all very very sweet

ButterflyOfShay
I don’t know this time actually
But I’ll surely let you know !

Daydreamscometrue

I’m a hard core deleter
It’s the only way
And it totally prevents you from being able to drunk lonely message them

Im exactly the same…. As long as you dont have an itemised phone bill and dig the number out from there 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

Or a diary 😭
In case of emergencies 😉

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Daydreamscometrue

No ! 22 year old cancelled me
Phew
He’s 8 years older than son FFS

He was a also getting a bit too excited and had , shall we say , highly sexual expectations

It’s for the best . I need to have a break and observe my customary 1 week of mourning

my customary 1 week of mourning 😆😬😬

That’s extremely noble and respectful of you, it must be said…. 😆

I’m a deleter too, although will often ensure the number is retrievable even if that means rootling around for it in my email.

Had therapist yesterday who reprimanded me for rushing into something with Ginge (even though I had had way more than one week of customary mourning 😬) - she asked lots of quite difficult questions about quite why I felt the need to accelerate and rush everything. So @ButterflyOfShay even though she wasn’t critical of him, she also had concerns about it all and advised I slow down, stop giving him mixed signals, and start looking at meeting other people alongside since it’s highly unlikely this will amount to anything. He’s a very decent bloke from what I can see, but we are very very different.

Checking in.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

brightstar never ignore your gut. It's usually always right. I would step back and flush him out - maybe with a message along the lines of "You're obviously really busy at the moment, I'll let you get on with it, let me know when you come up for air" and then not contact him again. If he gets in touch, you can then consider how you feel about his response and whether it is worthy of resuming contact.

@WeWantTheFinestWines that is such a well worded message ❤️

ibelieveinmirrorballs

Can I have your therapists number
Please 😄

I'm usually pretty direct, but I had the idea of seeing if MrS possibly would offer to help with these boxes. FAIL.

The bigger issue is that the ladder into the loft is not actually very safe, and I approached it by mentioning my problem of needing to get stuff into the loft. He asked a few questions to understand the situation and then basically suggested I get a different kind of ladder (not actually possible). No great interest in helping.

Obviously I should have just straight up asked him for help and gone from there. Now at a loss on how to see him before a literal month has passed, how to get this crap into my loft, and whether it matters that he's not interested enough to provide more serious help. Fail, fail, FAIL.

Heeey @Bangheadhere40 👋😄

Maybe he just didn’t pick up on it @gelatodipistacchio. He probably didn't realise you have other plans for him 😏 didn’t you say he didn’t want to rush things on that front or am I completely getting mixed up with someone else. Shame he didn’t leap forward but maybe he just didn’t even clock 😄

It’s hard not to rush things though @ibelieveinmirrorballs when you want something, I find anyway, I am kind of like that as well!

@gelatodipistacchio I think he's concerned about safety and I don't think he outright said he wouldn't do it, just said you need a different ladder.

Can you put your items in to smaller boxes and take them up the unsafe (😱) ladder or take the box up first and then carry the bits up in a bag for ease?

The problem with hints is not everyone pucks up on them.

I know its been a long wait but you are both genuinely busy, not long to go until you meet.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I'm glad your therapist challenged you on rushing....as you know I'm the complete opposite and I discuss this a lot with my therapist....I'm thinking somewhere in the middle of us would be perfect.
However if you want hints on going at a snails pace give me a shout 😂