Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I didn't say it lightly! I feel a duty to stop anyone 'investing' in such a travesty of a sofa

OMG re the sofa! Jesus Christ. Okay, I am now outing myself as a horrific interiors snob..!

I think the main thing I would want ref the skin thing is a determination on his part to sort it out himself. And that means without you having to do anything about it. I really value people who roll their sleeves up and just get on with sorting things out and it would drive me round the bend to have to mother someone in this way. He should want to make it better and do whatever it takes.

It was sort of like this, but uglier: www.oakfurnitureland.co.uk/category/2-seater-leather-sofas/

I like this, I think if someone I liked told me it was ugly, not sure how I’d feel about that

@ibelieveinmirrorballs he's had this for over 15 years. I think it needs to be viewed as a chronic condition. And he's definitely not trying to draw me into that. It's just a fact.

I mean, I would want him to accept my disgusting spider and varicose veins and anything else that I might develop, so I think on balance it's something I probably need to accept. We are all getting older and developing body issues

I hope that you would accept the opinion with an open mind. It's really horrible. (Sorry.)

How about trying beard oil? I think that can help make the beard less scratchy!

No I get that. I suppose in my head there’s a world of difference between someone who thinks “oh well this is just the way things are” and someone who researches and tries to improve things with eg diet.

I’ve seen both sides of that - a friend’s husband with primary progressive MS who is an absolute inspiration trying to improve his mobility and health against a traditional worldview which is that nothing can help halt progression, vs an ex who refused to do anything about lack of libido despite moaning that his ex wife wouldn’t go on HRT etc!

He sounds lovely!! It all sounds promising!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs 😨 to the HRT guy!

Mr S has mentioned playing around with his treatment to try to get better results, even currently, so I don't think he's content to let it be horrible.

Just caught up on the thread and seen beard oil has already been mentioned 😅 how sweet that he went out and bought it!

I’d take opinions onboard and then ignore them, when, if I win a billion quid on the lottery I’m going to buy a farm house in the Cotswolds and furnish it really traditionally, which you would probably hate, (sorry),
one thing I really hate I design is snobs, I remember going furniture shopping with my Ex, and she choose a really modern design, sofa, and it was expensive & fucking horrible and really badly made as well, just junk.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow no, a very traditional design would be nice. I am open to all sorts of looks. But from talking to him, he just went to one shop and found what he thought was the best sofa there. He hasn't considered the overall aesthetics of the room as far as I can tell. There is no look here! And he told me he can afford something nicer.

I think that he at least needs to go somewhere other than one budget suburban sofa shop. He's just a very practical maths nerd 🤷‍♀️

I think the fact that he told me after seeing my place that it has made him reconsider his design strategy (ie he has decided he needs one) made me feel more confident sharing my opinion. I didn't prompt him to or anything - I think he just noticed how lovely it is to be in a beautiful space. (And trust me, my place is practically all IKEA - not designer at all)

Another exchange of opinions this morning that proves we are all slightly different in what we consider important factors when selecting and developing a connection with someone. I am definitely drawn to the person, their values and how they treat me. I’m much less bothered about the aesthetics of where they live or what they have. I can be both sensitive and thick skinned in equal measure but overt criticism is never usually well received. Two good friends have both begun to tell me I am rather blunt in how I express my opinions which I struggle to understand because I would never seek to hurt anyone’s feelings. I think underlying my words is a sense of frustration/boredom or dissatisfaction with my life. When your life is in a good place then it’s easier to be kind and forgiving of trivial stuff. When you are more unsettled it influences your behaviour more profoundly.

@gelatodipistacchio it’s really good you definitely like him. Personally eczema definitely wouldn’t put me off somebody. Maybe the dandruff is caused by the eczema. But cheap shitty shampoo gives me dandruff. Paying a bit mire for decent shampoo will sort that out 🙂 its a pretty minor thing. You don’t know him well enough to see the things that surprise you about him.. things that could make you fall 🙂

Plus I’d bet you’ll be a lot more carefree if you’re not in your house snd worrying about your daughter x

Amen to the make you smile comment @Thisisworsethananticpated . The ultimate aphrodisiac i find!!!

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow i think it's really lovely and patient of you to wait till September. It seems encouraging that you have been able to discuss things between the two of you. Do you feel good about it?

@ButterflyOfShay thanks ☺️. I really think this could go somewhere. It's probably the reason I am getting really critical - figuring out if I really am prepared to take all of his stuff onboard

I get that @gelatodipistacchio I think it’s really normal when you meet someone to be do I.. don’t I… its all nerve wracking and exciting rolled into one isn’t it. You can’t help it if you’re more stylish than him and he’s just inspired by you. Personally I definitely wouldn’t want it to be the other way round with a man x

So agree with this @Stepcount …
”When your life is in a good place then it’s easier to be kind and forgiving of trivial stuff. When you are more unsettled it influences your behaviour more profoundly”

I can 1000000% relate to what you’ve said here

@Thisisworsethananticpated youre lovely 💐💐💐

ButterflyOfShay

as are you , your attitude to self care is quite inspiring you know x
are you still off the booze ? I’ve cut down this week and seen a real difference in mood
how are you handling socialising and drinking

@ibelieveinmirrorballs .. that's a fair enough comment. I kinda regretted the photo request as it seemed shallow on my part, however I'll not apologise for saying that appearance ( especially teeth ! ) is important to me.
Good point about the clunky chat. I'll take that and think about it..
Anyway she's responded so I'll see how my new "iron" goes.

Bless ya.. thanks 💕💕 it was only after a lifetime of feeling like im worthless i turned a corner last year.
april will be 100% booze free for me.. one more evening to go 💖 next month im going to let loose a bit though!! Just wanted to prove to myself I could do it 💪

@gelatodipistacchio Before you put up a photo I was so worried you'd put up a photo of one that I have (or someone from the thread 😱)

Regarding the head and shoulders shampoo, that will do nothing for dandruff caused by excema, the best medicated shampoo is Nizarol, quite expensive but very good.
Not that you can suggest it to him but if he mentions it you could suggest it.

@Stepcount I think underlying my words is a sense of frustration/boredom or dissatisfaction with my life
Is everything ok?
A few weeks ago you posted that life was pretty great, Mr V had met more family and friends etc, your daughters were doing great etc
What's changed since then?