Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I also don't like people talking about what happens next on a first date/date zero. That's what you do afterwards, you message each other saying thanks but no thanks or I'd like to meet again and then you go from there. I had someone suggesting a particular bike ride very enthusiastically when we parted and I never heard from him again!

You’ll just have to wait it out @Lovemusic33 , often that spark just isn’t there, its’s nothing you’ve said or done it’s just a chemistry, don’t be hard on yourself!
Anyone who’s OLD who is terrified of rejection perhaps shouldn’t be doing it? You’re going to be giving off needy vibes which will be offputting, they will sense the insecurity and fear. Confidence and self assuredness are the most attractive qualities. Work on yourself and build yourself up more rather than desperately trying to find someone to be interested in you. I’m speaking from personal experience here!

I have been OLD for 5 years 😬, I don’t think I give off needy vibes, if anything I put up a wall and probably come across as having no emotion at all. I’ve been on 100’s of dates, been rejected more times then I can remember and had several short relationships. I’m not sure why things one is bugging me more, maybe because I find it hard to find ‘my kind of person’ so when I do I get a little bit excited. I have ADHD so I can across as a bit socially awkward and can talk too much (especially about my interests) so I worry that my ADHD came out a little too much. I find it hard to read people, and I find it hard to show emotions but if I don’t do OLD I will never meet anyone. This guy was someone who’s a member of some groups I am on although he’s on dating apps too, we talk through FB rather than the apps.

Thank you so much for the advice about messaging on this thread. I waited until late last night and then sent a couple of short light-hearted messages to Mr NoProfile, had replies, and then stopped myself messaging more.

At 8am this morning I've already had a "Morning x" from him so I guess things are sort of back on track... I won't reply straight away but will wait a bit.

@Shunter350
that was very brave of you, I never used to front load the disappointing things, I just used to let my irons find out one lovely little piece at of disappointment a time, a much more gentle way of letting them find out before being dumping me 😂😂

Yes very much this is in my mind. I always seem to do this though and it's super annoying 🤣 but yes sounds positive at this stage.

lesgalettes

ah the ‘morning x’ text
simultaneously annoying and yet , heartwarming

ugh 😣
well played
and why we have to play I don’t know
bloody games

Fucks sake
I’ve just escaped a twat
im basically messaging as find his nationality interesting and hot 🥵

he wanted drinks
I said could we have a walk instead ?
I don’t want to sit in a bar and drink with a complete stranger for fucks sake and also want to drive (as paying for babysitter )

he said no , if it’s a date it’s a date
drinks !

I’ll unmatch him now

And he unmatched me first !!!!
delightful

God.. I feel for you..really do. It's bloody murder. Take a deep breath and be kind to yourself today.. have a nice coffee and a Bakewell Tart.. ( that's what I do ).. it'll happen eventually.

Did the brave thing and texted Ginge last night saying let’s park things. Got lovely messages back and I’m interested to notice how hard I found doing that even though it’s the right thing. He’s very sweet and yes is interesting, clever, funny etc but we’re in very different places and I think it would be hard to make anything work.

Also fessed up to therapist about seeing MrM and she was surprisingly positive about all that. Overarching conclusion however was the need for bright, breezy, relaxed approach to dating - no fixation, no early intimacy, no mad antics. Whaaaatt!? 🤪🙄😫😬

I just feel it's best telling them even before meeting.
"I'm not sporty", "I'll steal your chips", "don't like kayaking or camel riding"..
Seriously though.. it avoids any ( more ) awkwardness on a date.
And please please don't run yourself down. You won't be disappointing anyone..
I had a recent short but passionate relationship, it failed ultimately because of distance and lack of common interest.
I'll not let that happen again.
Good luck and keep going!

… next!

well swerved.

Argh I can’t bear the ‘morning x’ text. It’s so lazy! Basically saying come on, entertain me!

ibelieveinmirrorballs

oh wow
well done
feels sad though
I salute you for doing this
our
mental health is our wealth

Shunter350
thanks
ill have a cup of tea and do some yoga and work 😁 I have to watch my figure 🤣

I really desperately need to hide my phone
im Either
checking WhatsApp (and the one I want to text me never does )
chexking hinge
moaning in here about (1) and (2)

its a fucking problem , really and it’s driving me cray cray

I need a new hobby !!!!

@Shunter350 best of luck with new interest, if she picked you, you might just be exactly what she wants

@Brightstar29 , I am starting to look around and have a second date lined up that’s looking ok. I am worried about rejection too and perhaps because of it I am going for candidates that are not “my type” but have potential…I don’t know if this will work in the chemistry department but I can wait and I’m not desperate right now coming out of a really messy on off 6 years relationship.
Everyone else…I’m reading, empathising and chuckling with your posts…keep them coming

I feel quite upset about it - he is lovely but it’s not going to go anywhere positive. He’s quite the old-fashioned romantic but simultaneously not quite in the right headspace and living a bit of a hard partying life…. so it wouldn’t even be a casual sex kind of thing, it would always have more of a romantic undertone whilst also being a bit unreliable and hard work.

He probably wants to have the upper hand on everything, even unmatching first…good riddance

Yes same here. It's never ended well for me with the guys who have gone down that road. More often than not they end up ghosting.

I always think that if they are genuinely interested then they will make it clear.

Happy Friday! Hope everyone is okay. It's horrible when dates are disappointing or when you've invested time and emotional energy only for it to not lead anywhere :(
I've got my 2nd date this weekend. He isn't my usual type, and 10 years older than me, but he seems kind and sweet so far, so I'm looking forward to seeing how it goes. Plus he's been quite chatty over texts which has been a pleasant surprise.

I did match with one guy who proceeded to bang on about his band and then said he could give me "a private performance" if I liked 🙄(spoiler alert, I did not like haha)

A couple of updates:
I think I've finally got through to my ex that we are not getting back together. He was bombing me with messages and turning up at my house.

MusicMan surprised me with a late visit last night. Even more surprising, we just sat and had a chat, no TV or music on, a little bit of snogging, but just mostly chatting. No sex. Not going to read too much into it, and I'm not catching too many feels yet, but he is quite lovely. The only thing that might be lacking is kindness - not seeing any evidence of any kindness yet. But he seems to be thoughtful. He makes me laugh, a lot.
He asked to hold my hand the other evening when we were walking - after several rounds in the bedroom this made me laugh, but I obliged.
I asked when he was next free, and he said he needs to get Sunday out of the way first. Fair enough - he's a bag of nerves for something work related and I don't want to distract him. I am going to go out and have fun on Saturday! I'm going to leave the ball in his court - he instigated last night's visit, but I set the last "date" so I think it's his turn if he's interested. Help me sit on my hands!!

@Youcunnyfunt ooh this sounds promising! Did he just turn up for the late night visit?

Also I now feel v worried about my second date. I remembered I met him on tinder and it doesn't say on there if he wants a relationship/kids and I want both so I'd rather not waste my time on someone who doesn't want them.. he's 40 with no kids so perhaps not?! Do I casually ask him now via message what he was after on tinder? Or do I wait until I see him next?

Okay too late and I've asked him what he was looking for 😅