Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Stepcount I've already told him that I'm out tonight so he said in his message that he'll "catch me later"

Shunter340 it’s not always easy 🤣, he knows where he stands and knows why we can only be friends, it doesn’t stop him trying it on occasionally but more in a jokey way. We see each other once a month, sometimes more and message daily. Tbh most of my friends are male as I struggle with female friends.

I dip in and out of this thread as have been dating for the first time ever really following a very very difficult few years.
I feel in a really good and confident place. But, rejection and putting yourself out there, while looking for a needle in a virtual haystack, is so hard. Well done all those putting the effort in!!

hello i was on here a long time ago. still happy and now married to dh

to the pp who is chatting to someone from bumble without a profile. have you asked outright if he is married / in a relationship or "separated" but probably still living with his wife?

Its very common for married men to not put up any text because if they get caught there is less evidence to be accused with. lovely bunch...

I used to get like that. Was so invested from the start and then the disappointment and sadness set in. Now I'm much more guarded.

Well I’ve got some new chats going
I unfroze hinge

one is Israeli and one is Indian
and I’m having a drive with the 22 year old

I quite like this stage !
Im going to be way more guarded this time around
its very time consuming

@splendidsue yes I'm aware it's dodgy, I have asked him and he says he's been divorced for a long time. But maybe he's not?

@Thisisworsethananticpated @Daydreamscometrue
It's so true that OLD is so time consuming.. I feel that too. Traditionally one would "go out" socialising perhaps once or twice a week now it's at our fingertips and it can become almost a compulsion..
I've subtly altered my expectations.. I used to think that it would be easy to meet "The One".. now I'm trying just to chat and perhaps meet women who want the same thing.. I'm trying to enjoy the experience..

New poster - hey all. 31 year old female. 1.5 years out of a 6 year relationship. So many dating fails along the way 😂

Presently been talking to a guy for 3 weeks - we were meant to be meeting last Sunday I had a childcare situation fall through, communicated this back - 35 year old man no kids but said I understand you have a DD to look after etc. Now meeting this Sunday. Chat via WhatsApp all v positive silly voice notes talk on politics, values films movies music. Feels v natural. Although unfortunately I'm now going into overthinking mode even though at this stage it's all v positive.

Going on a 3rd date on Saturday,been very slow paced so far which suits me, not even kissed yet but imagine we will on Saturday. Got a few other conversations going on as I’m afraid of over investing in one person too soon. Im getting the old fear of rejection rearing it’s ugly head though now because im liking how things are going. I’ve had a terrible time with rejection in the past. How do others manage this?

Rejection is never nice (I’ve had more rejections then hot dinners), I thing I have done in the past is realise the the other person doesn’t know what they are missing, then getting pissed, neither of which have really help me

@Shunter350
yeah it’s tough, take regular breaks, don’t take it too seriously and do other stuff,
I used to find that for about every 10 or 15 messages sent I used to only get 1 or 2 replies, it’s was pretty depressing…

Strange.. just had a lady contact me via the App.
I'm not putting myself down when I say she's clearly out of my league in just about everything, wonder if she read my profile?
Anyway I've been honest with her but have said that I now don't expect anything from OLD except new "contacts"..
yes taking a week off has certainly improved my outlook.

@Shunter350
dont undersell yourself, if someone has contacted you, there is clearly something in your George Clooney looks that she likes, roll with it

Thank you!! I've messaged her with the unpalatable facts about myself. Otherwise disappointment awaits. It's up to her now. Which in itself is a change of tact from myself. I've not yapped on and on just left the ball in her court..

Brightstar29

curious if the issue is rejection , or getting hurt ?
he clearly likes you - hence date 3
however will it work out ? God knows !!!

as OLD has been such a mind fuck I’ve been journaling alot and trying to be very honest about how I feel

Shunter350

I’m actually not sure why I’m back on the apps if I’m being honest with myself
partly to try and forget previous iron (who I did fall for)
partly because I have addictive traits and get a buzz from attention and messaging

but mainly because I’m bored ! And I genuinely like chatting to different men and learning about different cultures (I’m a very diverse dater!)
and sex is actually lower on my list than when I started

I like this thread as I thought I was really fucked up and obsessive
I’m not 😂 alone !

Rubyroseyposey

just remember you havnt met him yet !
you might not fancy him
bit , sounds promising !

@Thisisworsethananticpated I think a bit of both. I’ve had it a handful of times in the past when things have got a couple of dates in and then I’ve got hurt/rejected. Was also seeing someone from October to January who broke things off suddenly but I now realise he was an emotionally unavailable love bomber. It’s hard when it’s the fear of the unknown of what might happen x

Brightstar29

yes . I just had a very torrid and upsetting split
he was also emotionally unavailable !!

I don’t see it as a rejection though , as (thanks in part to this thread ) I could see how his behaviour made me feel - wasn’t right and wasn’t good for my mental health

i was however very taken aback that he also stepped back !!! I wanted to dump him
I wasn’t prepared for being dumped back !!!

so the feeling of loss and in a funny way heartbreak has been very unpleasant and unwelcome

I didn’t message my iron yesterday (guy I went on a date with) and I haven’t heard anything from him. I think I need to o accept that he’s probably not that interested even though he was planning where we could go next when I was with him. I’m trying not to over think things but I keep wondering what I said or did to put him off. Also keep wondering if he’s just not into messaging or communicating. We have never really exchanged many messages, he just messaged asking if I wanted to meet up, arranged to meet and met, only a few messages exchanged since, he doesn’t seem to have WhatsApp and is rarely online. Anyway, I need to stop thinking about it and try and find another iron but that’s not easy when I have been OLD for so long 😭.

@Lovemusic33 You did nothing wrong, not everyone will like you unfortunately.

I don't like people who talk about next dates or ask if you want to see them again when on a date. It's very pressurised.
Him making plans for date 2 sounds a bit future faking especially when you've just met.

Have you messaged him since the date,?

Yes, I have messaged him since the date but it seemed very one sided, though he’s never been one for messaging. We share a hobby/interest which we kind of did on our first date, I won’t say what as it maybe outing (god, I sound like one of those posters with a secret hobby), we are both pretty passionate about our hobby so he seemed really enthusiastic about meeting again, he’s the one that asked me back to his for a coffee after and he seemed quite chatty.
Im trying to focus on the not so good points about the date (his flat was really messy) but there wasn’t many bad points. Anyway, he obviously isn’t that keen or he would have made a bit more effort after the date.

What's an "iron".. in respect of a date obv..?

What's an "iron".. in respect of a date obv..?