Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Totally with you there that "it really shouldn't be like this" in terms of communication. With my ex (fiance!) the communication was always minimal but I was happy in the knowledge that we went on actual dates and that he wasn't really pushy about sex/wasn't really full on. However I'd always hoped communication would improve rather than accepting that he was just very quiet and not chatty. Of course no spoilers needed that it didn't work out in the end.

.. ‘if they are going from hot to cold .. turn off the tap! Matthew Hussey.

Ditto here - it’s just not a good sign is it? It’s frustrating but I have now realised that those “in between” situations - decent enough date, not clearly zero chemistry but perhaps on one or both sides also not set on fire by the thought of pursuing - it’s much harder sometimes to close things down. There can be a bit of paralysis in knowing what to say (“I’m not sure - shall we meet again and see?”) and so I think one/both parties falter a bit in knowing what to say. As @Stepcount says ultimately it comes undone….

I sent a message and got a reply but he’s not that chatty, I don’t really know what to think. Maybe I’m just overthinking it? I don’t think he’s really a texting person where as I am. I will just wait and see if he mentions another date. In the meantime I will try and keep busy and keep my options open.

It’s hard because sometimes what’s driving them to reply is a need to be seen as a nice guy rather than anything else. I’d see if he initiates now - you’ve initiated already - see if he tries to pin down another meet, if he’s keen he should be angling to get that sorted.

It's the old adage isn't it: if they're interested you'll know, if they're not, you'll be confused.
With Mr D he was keen in that he suggested a date (drinks) and put forward his availability leaving me to confirm. With our second date, he asked to take me for dinner next time I was free. And that consistency has remained, in a non pushy way which I really like. I like that we are secure with each other without taking one another/our time for granted. For example he might say "I'd love to go to the city/seaside/try this restaurant if you fancy it" rather than "when I see you at the weekend shall we do xyz".
I think men especially have a fine line to tread!

Right on cue Ginge has just messaged apologising for being incommunicado as we was away partying with friends and suggesting we catch up for a phone call tomorrow. 🙄🤪

I think dealing with communication styles is a real tough job,
I work in the UK for a mostly European company so seem to have developed quite a blunt- non chatty style for communicating with people for whom English in not their 1st language and this tends to bleed though into social communications as well & I e been told I can be rude, I don’t mean to be, but sometimes I just fall back into “work” mode.

I had a walking date tonight . It was actually a very pleasant walk . I don’t fancy him , but it still felt like a positive interaction

that’s why I love walking dates as even if it doesn’t work out you get some exercise and chat

Lovemusic33 , Penguin

sorry I’m struggling with pasting
so these irons you want to hear from , what is it abiut then that you like ? I’m genuinely curious

@Thisisworsethananticpated I'm glad it went okay! Shame about not fancying him though. Do you think you'll meet again?

ibelieveinmirrorballs

he keeps popping up your ginger !

the sensible thing is to maybe have a chat about boundaries and expectations
‘the talk’
would you ?

or you could do what I did , which Is say nothing , stress , and get upset !

Penguinwaddler

I’ll sleep on it
but probably not , we didn’t have much in common !!!!!

@Thisisworsethananticpated so Mr Friday (as he shall be know lol - the guy I went for a drink with on Friday) - I felt we were on a similar wavelength. I'm aware I can be a bit intense/excitable (especially when I've had a drink!) so I was more careful when we met and sort of followed his lead which turned out to me, quite intense but in a good way (in my eyes!). We had a lot to talk about, a lot in common, similar approach to relationships and I found him very attractive!

I enjoyed spending time with him and really liked our conversation, I was looking forward to spending more time together and getting to know him more. But obviously he didn't feel the same as he hasn't really been in touch 🙎

Mr Hipster - quieter, very sweet and chatty. A bit older so felt calmer/more settled in life. He seemed really nice so I am looking forward to our second date, although I don't fancy him the way I fancied Mr Friday..

Good idea to sleep on it to be sure :) did he seem keen? Get that awkward "wishing you all the best!" Text ready!!

Penguinwaddler

very clear , you totally fancied him !
yeah I can see the disappointment

onwards

Penguinwaddler
he was asking about second date on the first date
I was like ‘erm I need to sleep on it’

i did get 10000 steps and some cardio in

@Thisisworsethananticpated definitely onwards!!

Haha love the positivity re your date and getting the steps in 😅 I like you're style, I may just suggest walking dates in the future, will save me a fortune!!

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I think you said earlier that Miss H is a people pleaser and puts everyone before herself.
She may not feel able to suggest the next date with you in case it is inconvenient for you/you have other plans/you can't meet at that time.

I know you want her to show initiative but if this is not something she has ever done she will find it really hard so you are setting her up to fail.

Its always going to be tricky with her work pattern and you've said before your free time rarely aligns.

It sounds like she is being available as much as she can so you need to decide if this is enough for you and whether you are willing to drive the relationship. If the answer is no, you know what to do.

It seems to be the usual dross on Hinge and Bumble. Got chatting with a guy the other day and moved to watsap. Lots of conversation. Arranged a date zero for next Friday. Yesterday he goes very quiet and then all I get is a message at almost midnight with 'Evening'.

Didn't see it until this morning because I was asleep way before then.

@Heartbeats0708 @MayEye your fellas sound just right!

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow how is it actually when you are together? Is there a nice click? Do you have giggles, get on really well? Do you chat a lot day to day, can you feel any bond at all?
as if there isn’t any of that and shes making no effort maybe she’s just not right for you.

@Thisisworsethananticpated nice to have a bit of a neutral date where they were ok but you weren’t really bothered 😁 just for the human interaction eh!

@gelatodipistacchio I’d be the same, you want to feel he’s keen to meet up with you. Is it you or him who’s suggested meeting up all the times that you have?

I think people get really addicted to OLD. When you delete it you feel like you’ve completely cut off your chances of meeting anyone.. so you reopen an account again. It’s an addiction for some people I’m certain!