Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Moopyhereagain ugh, I have had this before. The lesson I took from it was to meet relatively quickly to avoid wasting time and raising false hopes on either side. Sorry that you have experienced this disappointment too. It's a drag.

@ButterflyOfShay thanks! Yeah, I am a bit weirded out about the boner situation, to be honest. I probably hold wrong ideas about men always being up for it etc, which is especially unfair given this guy has actively said that he thinks sex is a big deal and feelings grow a lot after it (in contrast to many men from my past who said it makes no difference at all to them emotionally). He's almost definitely trying to protect himself, with his lack of boner demonstrating the internal conflict.

@Thisisworsethananticpated ah, the unreliability of OLD dates! Hope that your Wednesday man comes through.

@Thisisworsethananticpated a mental health week is probably a good idea either way! What would you do as part of this? Just take a break from dating, or other types of self care?

Thanks for all your views on my non-profile Bumble iron. He's messaged me again this morning, he just said "morning x". As I'm so new to this I'm just not sure how to reply. I've just been texting about what I'm doing etc and so has he, but it's all so boring really, (although also exciting for me too!). When is it appropriate to ask more personal questions about his life or is it best to keep it as light chit chat. Just so strange to be texting a man like this....

@lesgalettes I would think that more personal questions could follow from light chit chat, eg to something like "I'm just getting ready for the morning commute" you could say:

-what do you do?

• how long have you been doing it?
• what got you into this work?

Etc etc

@gelatodipistacchio Yes. I guess this just doesn't come naturally to me at the moment. I'm going to a funeral later today, so don't know whether to tell him, but it may then put a downer on the conversation. Or I can lie and say I'm at work, but he'll see that my location is still at home. It's a minefield, and I'm probably just overthinking things...

Hello everyone!!May I join the thread?
I only have 1 app , Bumble but I have noticed people saying “ don’t know “ are in a relationship or married?? Has anyone seen this? Also I’m looking for over 40s as it’s my age bracket and I find some men “separated” or in process to divorce … Divorce is a hard thing and I’ve been there. It’s difficult to date someone going through divorce or early stages separation
Anyway… I will be posting and reading you all 🙄. This OLD is mental …
Also is Tinder as awful as people say ( full of married people looking for sex!)? Is it worth it joining or should I just stay in Bumble??
thank you 😘

I’ve stayed mostly with Bumble and do not opt for ticking the ‘don’t know’ category. I’d prefer people (for once in my bloody life..) to actually ‘know’…😠

To be fair here, he’s not giving you much to go on is he, by saying ‘morning’? I can’t bear those daily morning texts, they are so inane! You probably don’t have anything to say to him because well - what is there to say?

Same here. I don't see the point of doing that when you haven't met. Had one guy messaging last week with 'Morning beautiful'. By mid week he'd disappeared so I unmatched him.

Hi all,

I seem to have dropped off the thread.so happy to read about all the lovely dates that have been happening. 🥰

Sending love also to the people who irons have fizzled. Do not lose hope, you will get somewhere ❤️

I haven't been really active on the apps. I'm still on Hinge, but the conversations there are getting a bit dry. I might have to brave Match again at this rate!

It's my birthday on Wednesday and normally I would be excited, but I just feel a bit flat, tbh.

@Mila14 I’d just stay on Bumble if I was you. I personally found Tinder was a waste of time. I apparently had 300x people swipe right on me, (wheather any of those were real was anybody’s guess) and not many people responded when I did message. I find it is more of a ‘hook up’ app as well.

And now just been called a p*tease for not being into last nights over messaged/under viewed iron. 😬🙄 Grim. Note to self no more than 4 days WhatsApp with no firm date in sight is my new very strict rule.

Moopyhereagain

really ! So last nights date called you a prick tease as your not into him ?
thats horrible
remover this is abiut him being a weirdo and horrible
not necessarily WhatsApp

im sorry though 😖

gelatodipistacchio

my mental health week so far has
consisted of lying in bed all day reading ‘women who love too much’

that said I haven’t been taking care of myself and far too many vices have been allowed recently

I need to snap out of this , as I have two kids and a job and I’m in a right pickle

@Moopyhereagain how horrible! You've had a lucky escape there! I hope you're ok

Yeah that’s what happened. I think my WhatsApp rule is more about me imagining that someone is nice when I message too long- and being (only slightly) upset when they turn out to be a weirdo. Need to weed them out earlier

You will snap out of this. We all have duvet days 😊. One thing at a time, etc. I have days when it’s a real fight to get up from my bed. I just allow myself low days from time to time and don’t over criticise myself.

Inbetween, there was some mild drama that came down to this: fooling around last night, he seemed unable to get/maintain an erection. He seems to think this was because things escalated quickly, and he won't feel at ease until we are in a more stable/reliable relationship (not that this is unstable, just that only more time together can develop it). But there was some tension and uncomfortable communication around the whole situation.

that might be stage fright or ED, what is his age / fitness like?

Thank you lovely! The app used to do this but no longer does it. I'm not enjoying the very ad-filled website on my phone but at least it works.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow he's 40 and maybe average in terms of fitness. He's reasonably slim and took up cycling during covid, so isn't sedentary.

I would suspect that it is likely to be largely stage fright, so I am not worrying too much yet. He said that I'm "incredibly beautiful" (would put MN blushy face here if emojis hadn't disappeared), the stuff about feeling more solid in the relationship, and wanting to take things a step at a time so that it all feels really comfortable.

Of course I will report back here whatever happens next!

@Mila14 re Tinder I think it really depends on too many factors to just categorise it as hook up or serious. I've used it for both! Maybe depending on age it might be more likely one way or the other but in my experience how you word your profile and how you filter your matches is the way to make it work for what you want. I met Mr D on there and we're still going strong 10 months in, I just clarified what I/he was looking for early on and made sure his actions matched that, to the best of my ability of course. There's definitely an element of luck too!

Well, Sunday Date messaged today asking me out for dinner/drinks! And Friday date eventually sent a text asking how I was etc but hasn't replied to me.

I joined OKCupid, Bumble, Tinder and

Pressed post too soon! Also on Hinge. Regretting being on so many apps so have hidden/disabled my profiles on some.

I asked someone on OKC what they did for a living and he got very shirty with me and said next I'll be asking for his retirement plan... I only asked as he'd made a joke about work and I thought it would be a natural follow up question 😅

Take those mental health weeks! I am in dire need of one (plus dating is SO expensive!). I always offer to buy a drink/coffee as it feels a bit rude not too but it does begin to add up!

@Thisisworsethananticpated I like that book. I found "attached" an very interesting read too.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I like that book. I found "attached" an very interesting read too.

Also how do people feel about dinner dates? They really aren't for me in the early days of dating as I spend the whole time feeling anxious about whether to split the bill/offer to pay then feeling awkward no matter what the answer is! Add in worrying how I look whilst I eat and it's all an unenjoyable experience!