Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

gelatodipistacchio

so I have rich friend and she says such tactless things sometimes
then I realised with Balkan (much less money than me ) that I’d done the same a couple
of times

so I’d let this one slide
good luck today 😁

He came through with some words but they were funny more than lovey dovey and partly made me do the mental adjustment necessary to get some perspective. He’s very straightforward and wants to meet again but bottom line is he’s a single man in his late 30s without kids and therefore living a hectic social life in central London. I’m 51 and with a demanding career wfh/commuting into town and single parent to two kids. We are very different. There could be some fun to be had but I want to mentally position it where it should be! I’m away much of next week and he’s away next weekend so we’ve pencilled a meet in but it’s not for about 10 days.

Aside from that I just had my first proper chat with MrM since he ended things at the end of Jan. We’d had a bit of contact several weeks ago (about work stuff though) but it was too soon for me and I called a halt to it. Texted him this morning about something outstanding and he caught me off guard by calling straight away. We had a long talk and about dating, about how things ended, etc. It was really very frank and friendly and we’re meeting for a lunch and walk tomorrow as he’s offered to bring over my stuff. My other old iron from last year also called wanting a platonic lunch tomorrow..! So there is potentially some benefit over the longer term with some of these irons (maybe)

ButterflyOfShay

this single life is suiting you !!! You really do seem happy 😃
and I proud to name your iron !

and in that note I’m putting this biatch phone down
and doing some gardening

my mood is flat and I can’t figure out why and I don’t like it

@gelatodipistacchio I'm not saying you did wrong, I was just wondering how the conversation came about.
Plus I wasn't sure why the need for number of bedrooms and location when family home would have meant at least 3 bedrooms...which would be odd for a single man with no kids living there.

I think it's nice you've got Mr S to offload to but are you opening up too much and making yourself vulnerable.
I agree we should talk about our pasts (eventually but maybe not in great detail if it was abusive) but some men prey on vulnerable women.

Have you got friends in real life you can talk to as well?

I hope you have a great time this afternoon, the weather is gorgeous (although very windy here)

Ah, ok. Maybe it was rude of me.

Also, I have forgotten that he doesn't know enough of my history to understand the context fully. He almost seemed to think it was my ex's house 🤨 (not true- we bought it together)

And I am so used to living in the rarified world of UMC people that maybe I am a bit out of touch. (Am from very modest origins!)

Thanks all for this perspective/dose of reality!

@SortingItOut I've unloaded a ton on friends (very very kind friends) and had therapy.

It wasn't exactly offloading on him - It was almost offhanded as his question triggered me to think of how much I miss my house and old neighborhood.

Good point about not showing past trauma too much. It's a difficult tightrope for me, as I am a very open person generally. I've been trying not to get into things too much with him, but he's very perceptive and when he first asked about my ex i told him that I keep contact to a minimum because it's better for me and he immediately told me about his friend who was in a coercively controlling relationship. I didn't then launch into my history but i did give him a hint

@gelatodipistacchio
putting my man hat (tin hat) on again, I think he might have a bit intimidated by your previous life, he might, have been thinking that you used to enjoy a particular life style, that maybe he doesn’t enjoy or just can’t afford, so was a bit taken aback.

if Ms H has a 5 bed Victoria house, I would be quite ashamed almost to take het back to my mid 80’s shit hole.

@cravingthelook ahhhhh 💖💖 thats a heartwarming update!! That is so sweet 💛💛💛

gelatodipistacchio

pleaxe don’t be too hard on yourself
that’s not a spirit for a hopefully nice date

the mistakes I’ve made !!!!
my lord …..

@gelatodipistacchio He sounds like a nice guy I wouldn’t look into it too much you know when you don’t know someone sometimes you can say the wrong thing, inadvertently.. I know i do 🙈 see how it goes today, you still don’t really know him or what hes about do you. Have a lovely time, glad he made the effort for you!! 🥰🥰

I find when i meet someone i like unexpected things can bubble up and trigger me to get upset very randomly

Same!!!!!
so grateful for this group xxx

I'm exactly the same too. And then I end up over sharing and it's probably always in the best situations!

I'm feeling a bit flat this afternoon. The guy I went on a date with last night (won't give him a nickname yet incase nothing comes of it), texted me on his way home to say he had a really nice time. I said same and then only conversation since has been him saying he fell asleep.

Then absolutely nothing today 🤷 shame as last night went well although I probably came across as a bit too eager. I have sent a message saying hello and asking how his day has been. Will see if there's any response 🤷

I think within reason you can’t make the wrong step with the right person. If someone likes you then generally they are happy to hear from you and happy to make plans. It can feel a bit tricky in the early days to get the right balance of appearing keen but not desperate, busy but not unavailable. And ultimately if your over sharing or complicated life is going to put someone off then there’s very little you can do to stop that.

Since the update I can't post, only quote, which is why I've piggybacked on this post - I use the app, which is constantly crashing so I can't even catch up. Anyone else have app probs?

I so get this too. These last few weeks I've felt very "reflective" for want of a better term. All sorts is setting me off sobbing or raging. Honestly if I was old enough I'd think it was peri meno or something.

Sorry you’re feeling a bit flat. I try to remind myself this is very normal after the adrenalin high/tension build up of a date. I agree with @Stepcount in that with the right person it won’t matter if you were a bit eager afterwards - but I know it doesn’t feel that way sometimes. We are putting ourselves and our feelings on the line in this process and sometimes that can feel a bit excruciating!

@gelatodipistacchio how was your date yesterday? Don’t beat yourself up over previous inadvertent comments - I’ve been the party feeling as though I’ve got a lot less than potential partners and also more recently feeling as though I’m the one in the better position - there are always slight awkwardnesses around that in the early days as everyone feels their way.

This is so very true and wise. I often worry about oversharing but within reason putting my random stuff out there is going to happen sooner or later. If it scares them off then might as well happen before am too emotionally invested.
Have what might be a very intense date 0 with an iron tonight. We’ve been constant WhatsApp messaging for nearly a month which I know is crazy. Am bricking it. It could end in a handshake goodbye or he could move in… ( not really obv but can’t stress enough how full on it’s got! )

I dont use the app I went onto the site via google then saved a shortcut onto my phone home page.. works fine that way, you can bookmark, move back to whatever page number you want.. may be better??

Moopyhereagain

oh gosh . As a fellow demon whattsapp er I’m very keen to hear how your date goes !

good luck !

@Penguinwaddler it’s horrible the not knowing/waiting/second guessing /ups and downs, I definitely don’t miss that about OLD, I'm not cut out for it mentally!!!

SUCH a beautiful morning out there! Can’t wait to get out in that sunshine today 🥰🥰

Good luck @Moopyhereagain take it steady!! 😁

Penguinwaddler

im sorry abiut the flatness
hear ya !
been same and have been keeping super busy to abate if

don’t you have another date this evening !?