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Original poster

Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

962 replies

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers · 09/04/2022 21:01

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

OP posts:
ibelieveinmirrorballs · 23/04/2022 10:29

Thisisworsethananticpated · 23/04/2022 09:29

ButterflyOfShay

im nervous to be honest
I’m nervous about


  • I don’t fancy them

  • they don’t fancy me and ego dent

  • they cancel or I have to cancel

  • stress about childcare and babysitters

  • I have a shit time and then start texting Balkan like a wanker

  • I have a shit time and do something silly because I’m upset

  • whatsapp just everything

I thinks that’s everything ?

sorry I’m in this wierd journaling vibe

when is young hunk coffee ?

Basically the whole thing induces anxiety - FFS!

I've decided I pretty much hate the whole thing. Even after a good date.

It's because you're putting yourself out there and making yourself vulnerable, and I think we all have to pat ourselves on the back for that. This Shit Is Hard, as the saying goes...

ibelieveinmirrorballs · 23/04/2022 10:31

I'm feeling pretty good today ALTHOUGH had to have a word with myself about the reality of the Ginge situation - he's off for a weekend jolly with his mates, we had some contact yesterday but mentally I am parking it appropriately (or trying my best to). I've got a busy weekend of chores + going to stay with a friend later, which will be fun... it's been a tough week last week with lots of work drama, travel, and a date on top... it's just a lot going on for me and I need to keep this perspective. Therapist's advice - always good - is to keep chatting to others and keep things light and positive all round.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 23/04/2022 10:55

ibelieveinmirrorballs

yeah I know . It’s meant to be FUN
im grimly pursuing dates for one reason only
to forget Balkan

I must adapt a better mindset !!!!

don’t know what to say abiut ginge . As it’s the same issue in that the post date stress seems to outweigh any joy you get from it ?

lesgalettes · 23/04/2022 11:07

Just a question about Bumble Premium subscription, if anyone can help with this...

I paid for a week's subscription last week and it should automatically renew this when it expires. But I want to carry on with it monthly as it'll be cheaper. There doesn't seem to be a way of doing this unless I cancel the subscription and then do a new subscription? Does anyone know the best way to do this?

Penguinwaddler · 23/04/2022 11:10

Thisisworsethananticpated · 23/04/2022 09:34

Penguinwaddler

keep trucking girl ! The benefit of multidating is you don’t get so caught up in the post date text (or lack of Post date text !) as you have a ‘next ‘ mentality

Yeah you're absolutely right. I am a bit disappointed at the lack of post date texts 😭 don't know how conversation in person can be so good and texting can be so dryyyyy.

Penguinwaddler · 23/04/2022 11:12

@Thisisworsethananticpated can totally relate to a lot of these, especially the ego dent if they aren't keen, even if I've decided I'm not keen on them!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs mentally parking it sounds like a good move for now, as is keeping things light and positive. Tough though isn't it

lesgalettes · 23/04/2022 11:22

Ignore my last post - I worked out how to do it, through the App Store and not through the Bumble app!

ButterflyOfShay · 23/04/2022 11:24

@Thisisworsethananticpated i love reading your posts so much of what you say resonates with me you just have such a great way of putting everything down 😁
keep journalling to us!!

ButterflyOfShay · 23/04/2022 11:29

I am feeling really great today. I don’t know if its the weather or my age or what but I’ve been feeling really confident and sexy in my own skin lately. Treated myself to a beautiful chic slimline leather blazer and I’m on the train up to town… such a result as walked past old iron Mr Trades (we didn’t acknowledge each other.. lol) and another gorgeous man of interest who was giving me an appreciative look…. Confidence is at maximum level today!! 🥰🥰
definitely gonna rock this blazer when I go for coffee with my young work crush!! 💘💘 think ill call him Mr Italy because I cant think of a better name 🙈

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 23/04/2022 11:30

Is anyone else finding it harder to date as they get older? I find most men in their 40’s have small children or some kind of baggage but if I go older they seem to be boring and not very adventurous (not all but most). I am pretty active and reasonably fit but ageing 🤣

yes, I’m a man in my 50’s , fit and active, and I find a lot of women in my age group are pretty boring ( or seem that way to me), unless it’s just my expectations of them

ButterflyOfShay · 23/04/2022 11:35

Change of plan!! I shall name him Mr Young Hunk 😍 (thanks @Thisisworsethananticpated ) !!

he already has a well suited nickname at work but I can’t put it here as it’s totally identifying 😂😂

ButterflyOfShay · 23/04/2022 11:38

Thisisworsethananticpated · 23/04/2022 10:55

ibelieveinmirrorballs

yeah I know . It’s meant to be FUN
im grimly pursuing dates for one reason only
to forget Balkan

I must adapt a better mindset !!!!

don’t know what to say abiut ginge . As it’s the same issue in that the post date stress seems to outweigh any joy you get from it ?

‘Grimly pursuing dates’ …. 😂😂😂 laughing at that !!

cravingthelook · 23/04/2022 11:44

Hey all. When it's good it's really good.

I was reading and catching up on here after my holiday (just back from Portugal- a well needed break) when I got a wee phone call from Mr Chatter just a quick 5 minute chat before he spends the rest of the weekend with his son.
We last saw each other last Saturday morning before I headed off and have spoken everyday since. It feels so natural and goodness I've missed him.

Navigating childcare and work and my poly life means first opportunity to see him is Tuesday and yes I'll drive an hour on Tuesday night just to spend the night before driving in hellish traffic to get to work Wednesday.

We both wfh on Friday, so I'm going to work from his so we can start our Friday night date night the minute we finish work. It also means I can head there on Thursday evening too 😁

He is moving in a few weeks that will cut 15 minutes off the drive 😁

We might wear a path along the M8 soon enough.

Sorry for the overly happy post but he's so sweet. He left me a voice note this morning to say... not sure you've picked this up yet but I think you are pretty damn awesome.

We've talked a lot and recognise that in terms of communication this is the healthiest relationship we've ever been in, we don't know the future and if it will work out but neither of us are afraid to try because we know that we respect each other and can talk about anything (so far).

It's still early days so one foot is on the ground. I can still squee to you lot though.

cravingthelook · 23/04/2022 11:48

Thisisworsethananticpated · 23/04/2022 10:55

ibelieveinmirrorballs

yeah I know . It’s meant to be FUN
im grimly pursuing dates for one reason only
to forget Balkan

I must adapt a better mindset !!!!

don’t know what to say abiut ginge . As it’s the same issue in that the post date stress seems to outweigh any joy you get from it ?

I did that ... desperately trying to get over Mr HT.
Thing is he's got his place in my heart and when I accepted I couldn't replace him, simply to add to the rooms in my heart for someone else to come in too it made it easier.

cravingthelook · 23/04/2022 11:50

@ButterflyOfShay YES! I bet you rock that blazer too. Confidence is attractive. I'm glad you feel good.

gelatodipistacchio · 23/04/2022 12:22

Thisisworsethananticpated · 22/04/2022 08:37

gelatodipistacchio

don’t we all
I’ve realised my baggage is immense
and part of the process is determining


  • what’s baggage 🧳

  • what’s actually a reasonable boundary and is right

YES, you have zeroed in on the main issue with baggage (for me at least)! What is me being cray? What is a reasonable boundary or expectation?

In this case, Mr S came through reasonably well in the end - not perfect, but we came up with a plan, it became apparent he had thought things through a bit more than I realised (after I nudged him, anyway), and he booked tickets/made reservations.

I'm very grateful to have this forum to be able to try to work out the best approach to OLD and the inevitable emergence of craziness at times 😊

gelatodipistacchio · 23/04/2022 12:27

ibelieveinmirrorballs · 23/04/2022 10:31

I'm feeling pretty good today ALTHOUGH had to have a word with myself about the reality of the Ginge situation - he's off for a weekend jolly with his mates, we had some contact yesterday but mentally I am parking it appropriately (or trying my best to). I've got a busy weekend of chores + going to stay with a friend later, which will be fun... it's been a tough week last week with lots of work drama, travel, and a date on top... it's just a lot going on for me and I need to keep this perspective. Therapist's advice - always good - is to keep chatting to others and keep things light and positive all round.

This seems like a great attitude!

Did Mr Ginger ever come through with some lovey dovey words post snog?

gelatodipistacchio · 23/04/2022 12:29

ButterflyOfShay · 23/04/2022 11:29

I am feeling really great today. I don’t know if its the weather or my age or what but I’ve been feeling really confident and sexy in my own skin lately. Treated myself to a beautiful chic slimline leather blazer and I’m on the train up to town… such a result as walked past old iron Mr Trades (we didn’t acknowledge each other.. lol) and another gorgeous man of interest who was giving me an appreciative look…. Confidence is at maximum level today!! 🥰🥰
definitely gonna rock this blazer when I go for coffee with my young work crush!! 💘💘 think ill call him Mr Italy because I cant think of a better name 🙈

Nice!!! I think that your confident and happy attitude will shine through when you meet with work crush! It's amazing what a difference internal feelings can make in external interactions.

gelatodipistacchio · 23/04/2022 12:30

Thisisworsethananticpated · 23/04/2022 10:55

ibelieveinmirrorballs

yeah I know . It’s meant to be FUN
im grimly pursuing dates for one reason only
to forget Balkan

I must adapt a better mindset !!!!

don’t know what to say abiut ginge . As it’s the same issue in that the post date stress seems to outweigh any joy you get from it ?

Here's hoping the dates go well and wipe Balkan from your mind!

gelatodipistacchio · 23/04/2022 12:37

The thread moved on a lot since the last time I checked (which didn't seem so long ago!)

I'm going out with Mr S for the day soon. I have tidied my house, chosen my clothes, got everything organised, and all seems set for a nice day.

Not sure whether I just want to be upset about something, but a comment he made has been playing on my mind. I told him about how my ex still lives in our central London 5 bedroom Victorian house, perhaps sardonically/humourously, and a bit later he said, "so, you used to live in a 5 bedroom in central London?", almost like he was going to ask what it was like, or take the piss out of me for having been relatively rich or something.

I then basically said that it was very upsetting for me to think about and asked why he was asking. He apologised and said that he hadn't thought through how it might upset me.

Something about the interaction doesn't sit well with me - like, was he trying to take me down a peg? Make me feel bad? Or was he actually just putting his foot in it trying to make conversation? This may be ex-related baggage talking!!!!

I'm considering whether to bring it up today - like tell him it's been playing on my mind a bit - or to just keep watching, vetting, assessing.

Other than the planning irritation and this incident, he has been totally nice and respectful and sweet.

SortingItOut · 23/04/2022 13:07

@gelatodipistacchio Did he see your comment as braggy or maybe he was shocked.

Was your comment relative to the conversation?

I can't see a time when I would tell someone newish in my life that I have a 5 bedroom victorian house in London....wouldn't you just say 'my ex still lives in the old family home',why the need to mention how many bedrooms and location?

This could just be me but I don't like discussing money or value of anything with anyone and find others who do avit off-putting

SortingItOut · 23/04/2022 13:10

For everyone - to find your place again you need to bookmark the last post in the thread.
Whenyou get notified of a new post on the thread it will take you there,you can then either unbookmark and bookmark the latest post or just bookmark the latest post.

Bit of a faff but it works.

Although I have lost all my watched threads unless someone has recently posted on it.
Need to search out the OLD grads thread somehow...

SortingItOut · 23/04/2022 13:14

@gelatodipistacchio Sorry just another comment, you brought it up, he mentioned it again a short time later and then you said it's too upsetting to talk about but you talked about it first.

Were you worried he was going to ask too many questions or?

He might be wondering why it was ok for you to mention but not him?
I'd mentally note it and see if he says anything similar in the future which might indicate other reasons for mentioning it.

gelatodipistacchio · 23/04/2022 13:15

@SortingItOut i was pointing out the difference in circumstances between my absolute dickhead ex and myself now. Maybe I shouldn't have - but it wasn't totally irrelevant to the discussion. I think he asked about where I used to live

gelatodipistacchio · 23/04/2022 13:19

@SortingItOut i spoke a bit about the divorce and how horrible it was when I told him about the house. I wish it weren't part of my story, but my ex is constantly making life difficult even now and the unfairness of the whole situation is very difficult for me. I think that I made that clear when I brought it up, while sort of laughing at the ridiculousness of a single man staying in such a home