Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I think I'm going through my spate of dating (only joined Tinder last week) so expect my giving up in despair to happen imminently 😅

@ibelieveinmirrorballs that sounds lovely!

@Thisisworsethananticpated this WhatsApp strategy is inspiring!

Yeah you’re right 😒 I think he’s being cowardly. He did call me this morning, but it was literally just to say hello before work. I haven’t heard a peep since, again.

I don’t think he is, I have various reasons to believe him, although I wouldn’t mind if he was - it’s not like we’ve said we’re exclusive or anything. I just wish he’d be honest if he was.

I would love it if - in time - someone offered to do things like this for me. I've had irons really over promise on this front, and do it as part of a whole schtick which was a bit love-bomby and 'look what an amazing difference I could make to your life!'-ish, but someone actually genuinely helping in this way gradually and with no agenda would be really great! You strike me as someone who genuinely wants to be able to help a partner like this and I think that's a real plus for many women.

Last night, I finally just asked about the plan for Saturday. MrS did have a vague outline of a plan in mind. I helped to fill in the blanks a bit. Maybe in the future he will just leave it to me, or maybe he will take the hint about booking things in.

It's interesting to notice how strong my emotional response is to things that remind me of my ex. I suppose this is the 'baggage' that so many OLD men boast about not having 🤔

Thanks @gelatodipistacchio - he hasn't messaged yet to say 'wow you are so brilliant I had the best time ever' and although I know I could be the one to message etc etc I'm thinking hmmm... I do expect some communication after snogging someone. To be fair after I left him he did go straight to meet friends for drinks but STILL.

I'd feel similarly to you re the arrangements thing - you don't want meet ups to end up feeling like another chore on the list and it IS a good sign when someone actively wants to be coming up with ideas and planning.

gelatodipistacchio

don’t we all
I’ve realised my baggage is immense
and part of the process is determining

• what’s baggage 🧳


• what’s actually a reasonable boundary and is right

One baggage is im terrible at articulating upset

as ex went fucking cray cray when i did

so instead of saying reasonably ‘that upset me ‘
I go wack , silent , delete , drama

@ibelieveinmirrorballs
Im not sure I’m quite so altruistic as might think.., but I just couldn’t see her spending £100 or whatever to replace something I could fix in 10 minutes, that’s just madness.

but we are now back to the issue of availability, when I left on Sunday I asked her to send me some dates for our next meet, still waiting…😞 , I know her shifts can change etc, but tomorrow (Saturday), will be week since we were last together and nothing is booked in, I do realise I could reach out - but I kinda waiting on her availability at the moment.

I like your approach to this - really unpicking the thoughts behind what "baggage" actually is and what is an appropriate and comfortable boundary to be set.

I have another first date tonight..

Jesus- your a machine penguin 🤣

@Thisisworsethananticpated it feels like a part the job haha!

You’ve inspired me
im now arranging two (possible ) date zero walks next week
that said I’ve have a run of good dates this year so I’m due some bad ones

always positive 😁

@Thisisworsethananticpated eek good luck! Walks are a nice date. I usually opt for a drink followed by a walk if it's going well.

But hopefully not a penguin machine 🐧 🔬

Oh @gelatodipistacchio that’s disappointing!! My old 3 month wonder was like that. Never suggested anything.. left me to suggest everything and when I stayed quiet to let him come up with something and he didn’t it pissed me off. Too one-sided so he had to go. Need someone with a bit of inspiration/get up and go/ not world -weary. Not saying yours is like that at all but reading your posts reminded me of how that felt.

Yay for good date @ibelieveinmirrorballs !! Sounded so elegant!

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow Ms H sounds a bit passive too. Are we just a bunch of over enthusiasts on here?? Lol 😁😁

@WeWantTheFinestWines 🥰🥰🥰 thank you lovely xx

There’s nothing more liberating is there?? I find the more I am absolutely myself the more interested guys are!!!

He totally is 😍😍 hows things have you heard from balkan x

.. I agree with anyone here who decides that poor communication (even by text) is simply not a good way forward. Takes a minute to type a reply I’ve decided .. even ‘have a nice weekend, I’ll send a text from North Wales from the 40th birthday party I’m going to with my ‘separated’ wife, of over a year, other friends and my kids and might decide to contact you again before our date of next Wednesday..’ Just NO. And actually I don’t think I’m being unreasonable even in this age of taking everything on the chin and casual.. wonder if I’d ever get the invite to join him and the ex wife and kids in North Wales..not the first time I’ve had issues with this. Another man I matched with finally disclosed his ex partner kept a room for him in her house for when he visited her and their 22 year old son. Maybe getting divorced has left it’s mark on me or maybe I’m just fed up with ‘peripheral.’ I’m not dating their ex’s.

.. this took me under a minute to type. And no, I don’t believe this is them trying to co parent either. Maybe harsh. Sod dating.

I lost this thread and am pleased to find it again! Looking forward to catching up with how everyone is doing.

Still happy with Mr Beard. It’s nice to have someone’s emotional support during an otherwise stressful time (divorce, sorting out finances, trying to find a new home, parenting young kids, one with special needs etc)