Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Badbaddog you're totally right in everything you've just said. I'm not looking for anything serious so it means that I can just enjoy it and not take it too seriously.

so they both married the same man then ?,😂😂

I continue to be really into MrS, but I have felt a bit annoyed that he hasn't planned any dates.

A few days ago,bI suggested we get together on Saturday and he proactively said that he would think of some ideas. He still hasn't done this.

I'm actually considering putting an end to this whole thing if he doesn't come up with an idea and approach me with it (without prompting) by the end of today.

My ex was actively opposed to planning ahead and would systematically block any efforts I made in this regard and it caused a lot of problems. The root issue was selfishness and lack of consideration for others.

I'm not sure if I am unreasonable here, but equally I would expect best behaviour and follow through now, early on.

@gelatodipistacchio
i know how you feel, with Ms H it is me doing all the planning, and setting up dates at the mo, she is always happy to go along with whatever I suggest, but she has never suggested we do X or go Y place, I get the feeling the if I don’t suggest something she might think I’m not interested.

so putting my man hat on (or should that be tin hat), why don’t you setup a date?

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow i would have! I actually would always have ideas. But he said he would think of something, so now I have to wait around, not having anything planned. It makes me crazy. I even told him that I like to have a set plan when I brought up the idea of seeing each other on Saturday. I literally said, "let's make a plan"

Are you content to continue doing all the planning for your dates?

@ButterflyOfShay it is but he's since messaged this morning to apologise for the delay in replying and to explain that he also has children so maybe all is not lost. Time will tell.

How have you left it with him? Just to see him on Saturday? I agree with you. I'd at least expect a 'hey let's have a drink here and then do etc'

I probably have this with every other conversation on Bumble. After 24 hours they are normally gone for good. I've become quite ruthless and just unmatch them.

@gelatodipistacchio
thats an interesting question that I don’t have an answer to, I suspect that Ms H is used to putting other ppls needs&wants before her own, so doesn’t seem to want to “ask” for anything as such, so doesn’t make any suggestions.🤷🏼‍♂️
i have also noticed that she doesn’t ask for help much an example would be that her mower wouldn’t work & she mentioned getting a new one, but I looked at hers and it was just a loose cable on the switch, so fixed it - but was quite surprised that she didn’t really feel like she could ask me to help,
what else was I supposed to do, I couldn’t have a “loft gate “ situation going on

@Daydreamscometrue yes, on Tuesday evening (at my prompting), we agreed to get together on Saturday, doing something in the centre. He volunteered to think of ideas. Obviously London requires booking and forward planning!

Yesterday, we texted again for over an hour, no mention of ideas.

We are kind of in what feels like an early relationship phase, with lots of contact and an agreement to see each other at least once a week. I will be really disappointed if it turns out he doesn't have the ability/inclination to plan and follow through.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow aw, this makes her sound quite vulnerable. Well done for helping out.

@gelatodipistacchio
not sure I would say vulnerable, she is actually quite stoic, it’s been her and her DD for a number of years so I don’t think she is used to asking anyone, her house could really do with some TLC, there are a few things I could easily do but have not been asked and not sure how it come across if I started pointing out things

Haha just seen this! It was a full frontal full bit nude..! I mean, decent enough but absolutely not what I was after.. I mean what do you even reply to that?!

I'm the same with being ruthless. If they conversation is dry or they say something that gives me the ick then I unmatch.

I've been talking to someone else from Tinder (swiftly moved on from Mr Full Frontal Nude!) and we've arranged a date for later this week.

We WhatsApp pretty frequently and get along well, talking about how day etc. He's gone v quiet this afternoon and I have a feeling he's out on a date this evening (vague about evening plans whereas before he'd message me a bit if he was out).

Obviously it doesn't bother me at all if he's on a date. But I'm so interested to hear what people do when they're talking to someone and actively going on dates with someone else. I'd usually say "just out with a mate tonight, have a nice evening!" Then speak to them later/the next day 😁

I’d either do that or just be really upfront if it was early on in chatting and say I was going on a date. I mean of course you’re likely to be doing that if you’re on a dating app and it’s good for them to know they’re not the only game in town..

Just on the train home after date 2 with Mr Ginger

😇😇😇😇😇

All went well, went for oysters and seafood and a walk along the river, rounded off with a nice snog and escorted onto my train. I’m feeling very virtuous indeed!

Yeah my friend said she's usually really upfront if she's going on dates whilst talking to others, I'm not sure how I'd feel about it but I think I'd prefer that to just going silent 😅

Your date no 2 sounds delightful! And rather romantic!

@Penguinwaddler I think it depends on the app. I like using Feeld and OKC and both are fairly liberal/open in terms of what people are looking for. As a result I think it’s more accepted that you might be chatting to/meeting other people whereas on apps like Tinder there’s a veneer/finessing where most people make out they’re super monogamous and seeking a committed relationship so I think as a result are less likely to be honest about what’s really going on.

But that is all personal supposition!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs oh that's interesting! I only recently joined Tinder, but tried eHarmony (that was an experience..) and then Hinge. Might have to move in to OKC..

It's true though, most people I've matched with/properly chatted to on Tinder are after something more serious (or so they say 😅)

ibelieveinmirrorballs

ah your chaste date went well 😁

Penguinwaddler

my theory is people join apps , have a spate of activity they either settle for a while
or give up in despair

I can’t imagine anyone , even a man having the stomach to non stop date and date ?

but it’s awkward

ButterflyOfShay
your coffee crush sounds delightful

I’m loving my new offline off WhatsApp (a bit more) life

they can all fester in my archived chat
why didn’t I do this sooner !

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

id like it if a man did jobs for me
it would actually save me a lot of money too !

i Had to pay £40 for
someone to cut a few wires and out up an IKEA lamp for me

it’s humiliating