Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Blue ticks are definitely a curse! How do you tell someone their comms style sucks!
i don’t think you can really, as the person’s style works for them, just not for you, I think you just have to suck it up really in the short term.
as. For your unanswered question, you will just rephrase or repeat , or just say something like “ you didn’t answer my question yesterday about blah blah blah..”

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

Thanks I definitely don't think it's intentional because it's been from the start. But it's messing with my head. As I'm thinking "maybe he's talking to lots of people?" And I haven't asked if he is so...lots of mixed signals not even sure if I'm his type. When we've met the conversation has just flowed so I haven't asked those questions

@Onemorego2021
yeah it’s tricky sometimes, I use email, WhatsApp, teams chat all day every day for work and I have quite a direct communication style (so I’m told), but my Iron can barely work her smartphone so I tend to fall in step with her style, but when we meet in person it’s all very easy going and good 😊

@VivaVegas

Hi, so a question for you please! When you've been chatting via messages for a few days and you get to the point where you'd rather not message anymore but they haven't suggested meeting up or a phone chat (which seems to be all the rage currently- I've not idea why, I'd personally just rather meet) what's a good way of saying that you'd rather meet than continue messaging for much longer?

I asked him at the start if he actually wanted to meet anyone as I was getting fed up with guys of a certain age who just wanted to message and not meet and he said he did.

I'm giving him a few more days but having been on a few dates last month where when we met there was just nothing there I'd rather meet sooner than later.

I have 2 other guys wanting phone chats first which I've said yes to, not sure how that helps them screen, feels a bit like a job interview 😬

Ask him? I don't get this waiting around for some pixels to act. IRL I'd be terrified of asking someone out, but online I just ask. "So fancy meeting for a coffee then? I'm free Saturday afternoon". I really don't understand why women feel they have to sit and wait for a total stranger to suggest a coffee. If he disappears or procrastinates you have your answer and you won't waste any more time on him. If he responds positively, you have a date zero! Either way you win.

I'm joining in on the fun here... I signed up to some dating apps a few weeks ago. I've never really dated much, I've been in long term relationships most of my adulthood, I feel like such a novice with all of this. 🙈

I had a great first date with someone, and a few more dates that went pretty well on the whole, until everything just got very strange... and he very suddenly went incommunicado for the past week. We went from having a couple of texts every morning, afternoon and evening... to one or two texts saying he's "going to call". I feel like binning him off for this alone, even though we have a ton in common and a lot of things align. This is a bad sign, isn't it? I'm not even fussed about texts during the day (I'm usually busy with work) so that bit doesn't bother me, it's just the fact that he didn't bother to tell me he was too busy to chat or check in.
Do I give him a chance to explain himself? Help me, wise ones 🙏

@gelatodipistacchio that’s lovely news it’s going well with him! He sounds sweet 🥰

I’m excited to be going for a coffee next week with one of my favs in the office, always had a secret crush on him and he’s loooovely but I’m sure he doesn’t like me in that way but I feel really happy that he asked 💓💓 we always used to sit next to each other before covid but never actually been out together… I am pathetically buzzing about it!!! 🙂

@ButterflyOfShay Could this be your new crush as you do have a gap as Mr Turk got promoted?

How exciting 😊

Does he then call after saying he will? Or when you say incommunicado do you mean no contact for a week?

I think if there’s been a very discernible tapering off it’s not a good sign and he’s a coward for not being straight up that he’s not as interested, especially after a few dates. Do you have any plans to meet?

Thanks @SortingItOut always had a crush on this one but he’s over 10 years younger than me, such a lovely person though! How’s things with Mr k 🙂

@ButterflyOfShay 10 years younger is 🙂

Things are going great with Mr K, we had Easter Monday together😱😂

ButterflyOfShay

how exciting !
Is he cute ?

SortingItOut
very pleased you had a nice Easter Monday with him

Youcunnyfunt

as hard as if it , I’d definitely sit on hands with this one and tail off messaging him totally

a tapering off is never great and it’s a stress you don’t need

what does everyone say ? If a guy likes you’ll know it , otherwise your confused

@SortingItOut I tend to prefer younger guys! Just seem to have more in common with them!
YAY that you had the day together!!!! You don’t often get that hey? What did you do? 💗

@Thisisworsethananticpated he is SO cute! He’s tall and skinny (the opp of what would normally catch my eye) but it’s his personality! It’s just beautiful! He’s young but hugely intelligent and his career’s soaring. He is going to go really far. No arrogance whatsoever though. He’s stuck up for me at work before a couple of times too. Which really floated my boat as no one ever has the bollocks to do that!

I think he’s 13 years younger actually. Which is why I’ll be on my absolute best behaviour on our coffee.
Do you think it would be too much to wear a bridal gown? 😬😅

Enjoy your coffee with your young man @ButterflyOfShay
@Youcunnyfunt I agree with the others. When contact tails off it's not a good sign. Maybe he's multi dating??

Nothing to report here. Interesting conversation with a guy on Hinge although the 'good morning beautiful' and 'good afternoon beautiful' was a bit much. Mentioned that I had kids and poof he's disappeared. It's such a brutal process!

@ButterflyOfShay You're right that we don't often get a whole day together, I asked about 6 weeks ago to spend a day over Easter with him and he agreed but I thought something would crop up.
There is unlikely to be another bank holiday this year that I spend with him as he usually has his son for extra days.
We went for a 10+ mile walk round a nature reserve type place and then went for a meal.

Thanks @Daydreamscometrue nice to have something to look forward to. In my head I can pretend it’s a date 🥰
Oh no is this the one you said you were chatting to?? That is so disappointing 😔 x

@SortingItOut sounded like a perfect day 💛💛

Shay my friend married a man 13 years her junior, and so did her mum! I have high hopes for you 👰💍🔔

I'm totally new to OLD and have matched with someone on Bumble. I sent the initial message, he messaged me back quite a long and nice message, and then I messaged him back. I now haven't heard from him in almost 24hrs. Does this mean he just isn't interested? And will it look too desperate if I message him today before hearing from him?

This is all so new to me and it may be that my message to him just wasn't flirty or funny - it's just so hard to message someone you don't know....

@lesgalettes i would not message again. OLD is notorious for flaky interactions. This one may come back to you, maybe not, but it's probably not great to position yourself in this way from the start.

@ButterflyOfShay nice! Enjoy your coffee!

@gelatodipistacchio thanks, I know you're right. I just need to maybe think more carefully about wording my messages next time and how I want to come across. He was someone famous (!) in his field and maybe he didn't like it that I didn't mention it or fawn over him, but completely ignored it and talked to him like I would anyone else. Probably some men prefer an ego boost.

@lesgalettes it seems like you are really worried about coming across as pleasing. Would you want to date a man who demands that you fawn over him?

@gelatodipistacchio you're totally right! That's why I didn't mention it, as I wanted to give the impression of being independent and not in awe of him, and that's probably why he didn't message back.

This is my first attempt at dating after 30 years so I think I just find it hard to know how to appear feminine/flirtatious in my messages.

Honestly, just be yourself. You're good at being yourself! I was in a similar boat, and the problem was I didn't know who 'me' was after 30 years bending myself out of shape in a failing marriage. OLD was actually a great learning experience for finding me again.

And enjoy!