Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

gelatodipistacchio
Awesome news.
I’d not overthink, and personally I’d dtd fairly soon
What are you waiting for ? I’m not saying that sarcastically as I’ve never been one to wait
Hmm

Anyway good for ya !

The fact that I have a kid is already a limiting factor in how much we can see each other

Maybe not a limiting factor ? Just a factor
He’s older and and many people our age are settled in their lives and have hobbies etc
Their time is full

So wouldn’t throw into a full time thing like we did in our 20s , for example ?

In other news I’ve turned off ‘last seen’ in WhatsApp
Since July 2021 I’ve been almost non stop on fucking WhatsApp texting men
Ten months
No wonder I’m battered

Enough
It stops now !

Has anyone here done Bumble Premium incognito? I've started this, and have a good profile and photos but I haven't had any matches yet. I've swiped right on a few and I guess the problem is that I've got to wait for them to see my profile and then chose whether to swipe on it. Maybe I'll need to swipe on a lot more to increase my chances?

@lesgalettes why would you do it incognito? Could you get someone to review your profile if not getting as many matches?

@Eesha I'm having some difficulties with my exH and just want to keep it private for now. I've shown my profile to friends who have helped with it.

It's my first time OLD after being in a relationship for nearly 30 years, so happy to take it slowly. I've only right swiped on 6 or 7 so far over the past few days and maybe it's a numbers game and as no one can swipe on me first, then I need to swipe on a lot more...

@Thisisworsethananticpated

In other news I’ve turned off ‘last seen’ in WhatsApp Since July 2021 I’ve been almost non stop on fucking WhatsApp texting men Ten months No wonder I’m battered

Enough
It stops now !

I turned off last seen a few months ago and never ever think of turning it back on now, it’s great.

@lesgalettes

Has anyone here done Bumble Premium incognito? I've started this, and have a good profile and photos but I haven't had any matches yet. I've swiped right on a few and I guess the problem is that I've got to wait for them to see my profile and then chose whether to swipe on it. Maybe I'll need to swipe on a lot more to increase my chances?

Definitely just keep going.. can take be a while to get some matches especially if you’ve set those kinds of limits.

@Thisisworsethananticpated eek, sounds like you definitely should do what you can to limit the emotional impact of OLD on yourself, certainly including turning off those types of obsession -feeding notifications/data points.

He actively wants to take things slowly so that each step feels like a natural progression/not rushed! But I could already see his resolve crumbling last night tbh.

We haven't even gotten naked yet. To be honest, I am terrified at each step - even just kissing yesterday made me very nervous at first - so I can see the benefits to this approach.

We are both pathetically nervous. There were several points yesterday when there was chemistry but neither of us made any moves.

My kid appears to be the biggest limiting factor, but you are very correct about adult schedules being busy generally.

gelatodipistacchio
Ah fair enough
At some stage lust will take over
Mark my words

ibelieveinmirrorballs

I wish I’d nipped in the bud earlier with Balkan with the WhatsApp messaging
It was not our friend
It fucked with his head too as he also turned it off too! (I’ve now deleted him so can stalk but I thovk it was stressing him as much as it was me)

Sent following message to Mr FB messenger:

Hey, I’ve had a really nice time but I’ve noticed the energy with messages has changed since when we first started talking. I’m not sure what’s going on and hope you’re ok but I’m after something a bit more consistent at the moment, hope you understand and I wish you all the best x

Does that sound ok? I’ve put him in the ignore category now on messenger.

We stalked each other from dawn till dusk
Madness

@gelatodipistacchio
One of you needs to be braver, if you want to be him, you can help this process along by taking his hand and putting on your boobs or bum, thigh or wherever, this may sound a cheesy move, but it’s giving him the non verbal “green light”, trust me, it works a treat !

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow thanks - sadly, I think that I need this kind of advice 😅

@Brightstar29 seems reasonable enough. I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to use your kind words as an opportunity to offer an excuse and keep the door open though

So despite better judgement (and because I was feeling desperate), I gave Mr Naked Pic a second chance. Until the second naked pic came. So that's officially done. Sigh.

Another date lined up for this Friday..

Penguinwaddler

Oh dear !!!! One day you’ll look back at this and laugh
One day …..

Hi everyone! I'm new to the thread but I've been enjoying the posts so far. I'm new to dating (34F) after a toxic and upsetting break-up a few months ago.

I've just started dating a polyamorous couple (they've been together long term, and have always been poly). It's surprisingly chill, and quite refreshing. I've pretty much been in long term monogamous relationships since I was 19, and it's only recently that I really started to realise that the men (I'm bi, but have mainly dated men) and relationships I chose were very unhealthy for me psychologically - repeating attachment issues learned in childhood, possessiveness, insecurity, the whole shebang.

After my recent breakup, which followed a major depressive episode, I took a couple of months to learn to live with myself, be on my own, make new friends and expand my social circle. I'm feeling pretty uncharitable toward monogamy in general right now (personally - not judging anyone else!) and yes, I realise this is a classic rebound situation and this new couple represents the opposite of the old relationship model I was unhappy in. I'm also enjoying it a lot, and there's no pressure.

I intended to take more time, but I sort of fell in with this couple. She's funny, sexy and interesting, and he's really warm hearted and romantic (he regularly sends me flowers and plans nice dates). The sex is unbelievable, and that's great because sex has always been really important to me in relationships.

As nice as they are, I worry I might be going too fast for my own wellbeing. Pro: I am happier than I've been in a long time, I have two great new friends, and I'm having fun. Con: I'm actually still not over my recent ex. Which is, frankly, annoying, because he was a toxic douchebag who I could happily live the rest of my days without seeing. While I was with him, my mental health really deteriorated. I can see now that he was objectively bad for me, and I'm never going back. But I still find myself pining for the nice bits of what we had, and I would love NOT to.

Any tips for moving on without the toxic ex and enjoying my nice new poly friends?

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Penguinwaddler

Oh dear !!!! One day you’ll look back at this and laugh
One day …..

I know 😅 bit disappointed as he was my first kiss since my ex and I broke up! Had higher hopes.

@Penguinwaddler

So despite better judgement (and because I was feeling desperate), I gave Mr Naked Pic a second chance. Until the second naked pic came. So that's officially done. Sigh.

Another date lined up for this Friday..

So fess up, we’re these decent pictures, or is he a fat old bloke like me?

Hi, so a question for you please! When you've been chatting via messages for a few days and you get to the point where you'd rather not message anymore but they haven't suggested meeting up or a phone chat (which seems to be all the rage currently- I've not idea why, I'd personally just rather meet) what's a good way of saying that you'd rather meet than continue messaging for much longer?

I asked him at the start if he actually wanted to meet anyone as I was getting fed up with guys of a certain age who just wanted to message and not meet and he said he did.

I'm giving him a few more days but having been on a few dates last month where when we met there was just nothing there I'd rather meet sooner than later.

I have 2 other guys wanting phone chats first which I've said yes to, not sure how that helps them screen, feels a bit like a job interview 😬

@VivaVegas
For the person who only wants to chat, just be blunt and ask for a meet, simple as that.

As for the calls, that’s a bit tricky, I did one last year, with a woman who had a strong Sarf London accent, that was just an instant no, glad we didn’t meet.

I agree it's always better to meet sooner rather than later. So I've joined Hinge again after Bumble seems to have stalled a bit and it's just like talking to the same person over and over again. Lots of sex pests crawling out of the woodwork again. On Hinge so far I've got one iron who is great in conversation so let's see.

Good Morning wise ones, looking for your usual good advice. Messaging for a month, 2 coffee dates a couple of spontaneous phone calls we are both busy atm. But the messaging is boring me. Also sometimes I will ask a question and it will go unanswered and then the next morning I will get a good morning text with no reference to unanswered text from day before? I don't know how to broach this. No date set for
Next meeting. Blue ticks are definitely a curse! How do you tell someone their comms style sucks! 😕