Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Hello everyone, hope you've all enjoyed Easter! Hugs and high fives all round here, glad things went well with ms H @HowlongWillThisTakeNow and hoping @gelatodipistacchio had a good date with Mr Ginger 🤞 communication sounded very mature, good on you!
Re loft gate, I know I've come a cropper in the past by hinting. It was overpowered by my "independent woman" vibe 😂 so I tend to be more direct now, much as I hate asking for help.
@Eesha hot yoga sounds intense, good on you for giving it a go!
@ButterflyOfShay good to hear you sounding assured with your decisions. Unfortunately I think it's unusual to meet people in other ways, but it's certainly not impossible and you're open to it with your crushes! I would add though that this thread, and the relationship board in general, does make searching for/being in a relationship look particularly unappealing at times! Because obviously we use it for troubleshooting and support and don't tend to come on and post when everything is going well.
I wouldn't say I have a thick skin at all, but OLD wasn't especially brutal to me either. Yes, I matched with dickheads. Yes, some of them I even dated/slept with. But it was a learning curve! All in good time 🥰

So Mr FB messenger from before stepped up a bit last week following slowing down on messages and seeming off, possibly because he’d noticed i pulled back I’m not sure. He asked me on another date and we went today. Had a nice time but I think I’ve already pulled back emotionally and I’ve noticed a change in energy again so I’m not really sure it can go anywhere. I still feel like there’s something going on with him which would have caused him to go a bit off then suddenly come back and want a second date. Had a really nice time so it’s a shame but something weird is going on and I don’t want to involve myself with it.

@Brightstar29 what is making you hesitant?

@Heartbeats0708 yes hot yoga was hard but then I'm very unfit! You do feel great afterwards as it feels like a strong workout. I've been out all this bank holiday weekend seeing friends. I know when I stop keeping busy, I feel quite sad, so I'm making a concerted effort to get on with things and be positive.

@Eesha because the energy was preciously really good on messages, then suddenly changed so I backed off a bit, then he seemed to pick up texting again to arrange second date. Now I’ve not heard from him at all since he dropped me off earlier which isn’t usual for him. I do actually know him from before because I went out with him once about 5 years ago so a bit of history there but not loads. I just get the feeling something isn’t right so I’m going to call it a day but just find it very odd.

@Brightstar29 I think if your intuition is picking up something, then nothing wrong with taking a step back.

@ButterflyOfShay I think just dabble on the sites when you feel ready. You only really hear the crappy stuff on this thread but there's another one going for mid 40s dating where many people are very positive because they've had good experiences.

I actually suggested Hinge as it always seems more dynamic and cool. I rarely get any interest there but I thought as you are pretty artsy, it might be a good fit for you.

Hey @Heartbeats0708 hope everything’s good with you? 🙂
@Eesha how you feeling after the yoga today? Achey? I love that ache!! 😄
Into the office for me today, it was fabulous being off work for nearly a week but I’m actually appreciative of having the office to go back into.

@ButterflyOfShay it looks like a lovely day to be in London!

It's interesting but I do feel like my recent bouts of aches and pains have gone today so it must be the impact of the hot yoga.

Eesha
I agree that after a recent break keeping busy is the way forward , bank holidays and Easter can be very hard sad weekends if not !

ButterflyOfShay
I agree with hinge , it’s been the best app for
Me in that the guys I’ve met have been more friends - and friendly ? I’ve met some very nice people and whilst I wouldn’t say we are ‘friends ‘ I don’t regret interacting with them ? It’s kind of helped me actually . Whereas tinder was just a bit toxic ( apart from my overseas obsession )
But I also get that if you’ve been hurt it’s a very daunting prospect

Brightstar29

Fool me once I say , if he has form for this and you have spidery senses and other irons in the mix , step back and listen to your gut

And forgot to mention that she snores like hell…

@ButterflyOfShay

Hey *@Heartbeats0708* hope everything’s good with you? 🙂 *@Eesha* how you feeling after the yoga today? Achey? I love that ache!! 😄 Into the office for me today, it was fabulous being off work for nearly a week but I’m actually appreciative of having the office to go back into.

I've been off for a week and back today too... although wfh. Am in London tomorrow/Thursday though - hope the weather lasts!

Hope you have a fab day in the office!

@Brightstar29 I agree re going with your gut, if someone fades off and then back again I tend to think that they probably went with someone else and then with that looking less likely to work out, start sidling back towards you. Even if it's not that, it's just not a good start that someone's not that bothered about losing the thread of communication. I had someone come back to me recently after silence for about a week apologising saying he'd been ill... even then I replied saying 'sorry to hear that!' but with little else... hardly going to break my back giving him sympathy or whatever..!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs yeah I think that’s exactly what’s gone on tbh. I’ll just message him saying sorry this isn’t for me due to energy changing etc, so I’m not ghosting. I’d rather call him out on it in a diplomatic way because I think it’s time people stop just getting away with poor behaviour in dating.

I think that's a good call. I've realised that not acting on 'changes in energy' is what makes me anxious during this whole process - and that's when you start hanging about waiting for messages etc because you are not sure what's going on. Nipping it in the bud is a good idea - well done for putting your boundaries down.

ARgh just checked my work diary and it's back to back meetings all day some of which I'm chairing... ugghhh after a week off.

It's been a lovely week with my DC overall but also a fairly stressy one in terms of parenting - I had one with a stressful (but not serious) illness which meant we couldn't go out and do much, and the other starting her period yesterday... add to that the adjustment I'm currently going through in terms of 'approaching teen-dom' and the transition of my children from doting tots to slightly disdainful little madams and... hmm!

I’ve taken today off 😁
And I’m glad I did despite the various emails pinging through

ibelieveinmirrorballs

Totally hear you ! On the one hand I’m glad to have tweens and have life back (a bit)
But back to school refusal , psych appts , and tween boy temper
Heavy !

@Thisisworsethananticpated it’s not so much that I’ve been hurt it’s just that I’ve only ever met dickheads on there but maybe im selecting wrong 😬😅

@ibelieveinmirrorballs nice to be able to have a little change of scene isnt it? I’m wfh the rest of this week 🥰

@ibelieveinmirrorballs

I think that's a good call. I've realised that not acting on 'changes in energy' is what makes me anxious during this whole process - and that's when you start hanging about waiting for messages etc because you are not sure what's going on. Nipping it in the bud is a good idea - well done for putting your boundaries down.

Amen to that 💛

ButterflyOfShay

Final comment and I’ll stop 🛑!!!!

There are nice guys online
There are as many nice men as there are women (well maybe !)
But I do think there is an art to filtering them and writing your profile to find them

And maybe I was lucky as I’m shitting myself to get back online again !!!!

Update on my date yesterday: MrS and I went for a long walk, then grabbed dinner (he paid as it unexpectedly was cash only), then made out on my sofa.

We have reached an understanding that we are building up to being in a relationship. I think that we are both quite cautious for various reasons - he seems a sensitive soul and he possibly jumped into an inappropriate relationship in the past and obviously I have my abusive dickhead ex.

That said, i will be shocked if we don't DTD within a few weeks.

This is all great to hear @gelatodipistacchio! Caution and moving slowly is all good ime - every time I’ve thought noooo this fast moving intense thing is SO different and definitely worth the risk… I’ve been burned. When will you next meet up?

@ibelieveinmirrorballs thanks!

It's occurring to me that I don't even have a clear idea of what it means to move slowly. We aren't sleeping together yet (unless you count when i literally slept at his house). How should it work? Slow integration into each others' lives? Meeting friends before DTD? Hmmm

Oh, and we will see each other this weekend.

The fact that I have a kid is already a limiting factor in how much we can see each other