Dating Thread 227- Stepping Into Summer

[ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs great post! And of course you are right - every new experience offers an opportunity for growth and learning. It's all positive, even the seeming lows!

@ButterflyOfShay if you're happy in yourself and still working on your butterfly journey, it seems fine not to worry about dating for now?

@Eesha yeah its so hard just to meet new people isn’t it? Even if you take up the new hobbies and interests it’s rare you’d meet someone, for example I’ve been going to a lot of art things the last year, not met anyone from it.
I’ve always been quite a solitary person generally too so guess that would probably affect the ‘meeting men’ levels. I do like to have a man (or men!) of interest on the radar though, makes life so much more exciting! currently there is nobody, maybe as the weather’s been nice it makes you feel like you wanna get out there more!! 🍆🍑🍆🍑 lol 😂

Yeah defo @gelatodipistacchio 💖💖 it’s only been 4 months since I really turned a corner in my life don’t need to wreck, lose or ruin that right now. But if someone truly nice came along I’d definitely have room for them 💛

I've ended up arranging to see MrS today for a walk. This morning I woke up to find my facial cold sore looking more disgusting than before, like a gross scab. Not ideal for our reunion after three weeks, or for the first day in a new job!

I'm going to experiment with covering it with makeup, and if this is too much for him, he's not relationship material anyway.

Feeling a bit nervous about how it will be to spend time together after such a long absence, when we really don't even know each other that well! Last time when he came over for lunch, I felt quite nervous and awkward for the first few minutes, but we settled into good conversation reasonably fast, and then found a surprising amount of passion for a goodbye kiss. Eeee!

[quote Eesha]@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I think that's a really interesting post about Miss H and how you may not have swiped on her as her interests are completely different. I often. swipe left on people because they rave about partners in crime with travel (i hate flying so going on holiday is really tough on me mentally) plus all the stuff on sky diving, bungee jumping etc really puts me off as I love nice restaurants, long walks, great sex! I never assume anyone would like all these things. Ironically my prior two partners said all these things but were happy to spend days gaming or smoking week. Funny how people don't mention those hobbies much![/quote]
I tend to not put too much emphasis on hobbies that don’t match unless it’s clearly a massive part of their life, so someone who likes running and sport (I don’t) I’ll still swipe. Someone who says they run every day, every picture is them doing something sporty, and they expect a partner to share that, nope

Most people put the same things on there anyway. Running, reading, travel…

I’m not sure how much anyone’s profile actually gives you a true sense of who they are or what they are into. When I was on the apps there were definitely phrases or a tone in what was written that would have put me off but it was their photos that would have been more of a clincher. There has to be potential for physical attraction no matter how witty or interesting what they had written was.
@Eesha, do you mean that both Mr Yoga (?) and Mr Music were weed smoking gamers ?

On another note, I know it comes up a lot, but if you want a taller bloke that’s fine, but don’t put “no shortarses” on your profile!

@Stepcount

I’m not sure how much anyone’s profile actually gives you a true sense of who they are or what they are into. When I was on the apps there were definitely phrases or a tone in what was written that would have put me off but it was their photos that would have been more of a clincher. There has to be potential for physical attraction no matter how witty or interesting what they had written was. *@Eesha*, do you mean that both Mr Yoga (?) and Mr Music were weed smoking gamers ?

Totally agree with this, photos win (almost) every time, although I definitely like sites like OKC where you can answer lots of questions which aren't about hobbies but more about values and life perspective. I never really care what people say about their hobbies and as *@Eesha* says it's not as though people are going to be particularly honest about their less appealing pastimes.

I have to put my hand up and admit that I'm also very influenced by whether they appear to have terrible sofas or bathrooms, or whether they're wearing horrendous shoes. So sometimes someone with just one photo but an interesting couple of sentences about themselves that makes me smile is enough to do it for me. Swiftly followed up by something more interesting to say than 'you look pretty' or 'what are you looking for?'.

@gelatodipistacchio

I've ended up arranging to see MrS today for a walk. This morning I woke up to find my facial cold sore looking more disgusting than before, like a gross scab. Not ideal for our reunion after three weeks, or for the first day in a new job!

I'm going to experiment with covering it with makeup, and if this is too much for him, he's not relationship material anyway.

Feeling a bit nervous about how it will be to spend time together after such a long absence, when we really don't even know each other that well! Last time when he came over for lunch, I felt quite nervous and awkward for the first few minutes, but we settled into good conversation reasonably fast, and then found a surprising amount of passion for a goodbye kiss. Eeee!

Keeping everything crossed for you that you have a good time today, regardless of cold sore!

AND, perhaps more importantly, all the best for your new job tomorrow - how very very exciting!

@FloydPepper

On another note, I know it comes up a lot, but if you want a taller bloke that’s fine, but don’t put “no shortarses” on your profile!

I'd agree with that, I can't bear it when people write things that are so rude and bossy... definite swipe left!

Just had lovely 'reset' phone/video call with Ginge, our first conversation in a week. Frank and open chat without being overly navel-gazey, and set up that hopefully we'll meet for the evening on Thursday... I've said I'll confirm tomorrow when I've checked my work diary. Slightly more sane date 2 here I come...

@Stepcount Mr Yoga smoked weed all the time but he had autism/aspie and felt it helped. Mr M didn't have that vice but does a lot of online virtual reality stuff which takes up a lot of time. I didn't mind the latter really but it wasn't on his profile!

Hope everyone is enjoying this lovely Bank Holiday. I bit the bullet and tried a 75min hot yoga class. Man it was hard! But you do feel amazing afterwards so I can totally see why people love it. I think I'm going to try and do it more when I have child free days.

@ButterflyOfShay it's hard getting yourself out there and you really sound like you are working well on yourself. Perhaps you could try one site like Hinge but take with a pinch of salt

@Eesha
Yes it’s weird, I matched with someone last year, and on paper we were very good match, same kinda age, no kids, same educational level, same kinda likes / interests etc, but when we actually met there was nothing, no spark at all, but ms H likes horses, she’s a bit foodie and likes gardening, none of which interest me but it seems to work, but it turns out she likes great sex as well, or whatever intermediate level it is that I achieved !

ibelieveinmirrorballs
Good to hear about ginge
It quite sweet he also wants a chaste date

gelatodipistacchio

Good luck 🤞 cold sore be dammed

ButterflyOfShay

I understand your trepidation

My main sadness has been from relationships ending where I had an emotional attachment , so mr overseas and mr Balkan

But the online tomfoolery or bad dates actually doesn’t upset me , it might for 24 hours but then I don’t care anymore as I didn’t know them anyway

So the upset or stress is probably for the same reasons had I met them in a bar

I’m not trying to persuade you to get back online at all .

I just think the pains and travails are the same however you meet them

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

I’m very jealous of your hot sex weekend

Happy for you 😬😬😬😬
Really !

[quote HowlongWillThisTakeNow]@Eesha
Yes it’s weird, I matched with someone last year, and on paper we were very good match, same kinda age, no kids, same educational level, same kinda likes / interests etc, but when we actually met there was nothing, no spark at all, but ms H likes horses, she’s a bit foodie and likes gardening, none of which interest me but it seems to work, but it turns out she likes great sex as well, or whatever intermediate level it is that I achieved ![/quote]
I'd go further than that and say that even if there is a spark between you and you have loads in common, it means nothing if you're not both looking for the same thing..! I had a ridiculous amount in common with a couple of my irons, down to liking the exact same sort of obscure Berlin music, and we got on like a house on fire, but if you're not both emotionally open to connecting in the same way, it's completely irrelevant!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs Urgh that cursed ‘what are you looking for’ question. The worst damned question in the world 😅 would generally be an instant unmatch from me.

@Eesha I don’t think any of the sites are any nicer than others personally. Plus I remember seeing many of the same faces across all the sites!

@gelatodipistacchio @ibelieveinmirrorballs @HowlongWillThisTakeNow glad you are all in a good place with you decent irons!! It’s nice to hear some sweet updates. Also Gelato hope your new job starts wonderfully tomorrow! X

@Thisisworsethananticpated the emotional attachment is a killer isn’t it, takes sooooo long to get over 😞 x

ButterflyOfShay
I’m doing better this time around
I’ve been writing in my diary 📔
I’m not going to make the same mistakes I did when I was younger

But I’m also not ready to hit the apps again either

A fellow that’s been messaging me since January has tried again , and as he caught me single I’ll meet him for a walk maybe
Got to get under one to get over one !

Well done @Thisisworsethananticpated to a degree I think that is true… there’s the immediate period afterwards when you can’t face the apps and then that weird hinterland when you know you’re not over the last iron but start to have your interest piqued. This time I did feel a bit guilty as I knew I wasn’t really over MrM when starting to chat to new irons but what can you do..