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Original poster

Sex on holiday

261 replies

44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 13:26

Sorry I appreciate the word sex is in the title, but this is more of a relationship query rather than a black and white sex query.

We are going on a family holiday, and my husband does not want to stay in a holiday inn style room( you know the type, two double beds in one room and a bathroom, and that's it).

The reason for this is that he wants to have sex on holiday, and it upsets him that I'm not bothered about this. To him its not a holiday if he can't relax and have a bit of intimacy with his wife.

The type of holiday that we are going on means that to get an apartment or villa with multiple rooms, we will either be further away and have to hire a car (though overall this will cost less money for more space), or spend literal thousands of pounds more if we want an apartment on site (Disney).

We don't have the best sex life as it is, and that's totally my fault, so to me I feel like i'd rather we be staying on site. I think the kids will prefer it and the transportation is included and therefore easier.

So what I'm really asking is, should I just suck it up and get the multiple room property so that we can have sex?

It's hard as I do think my husband puts up with a lot as my drive has completely nose dived and his hasn't, and he mostly just sucks it us while clearly being quite miserable about this particular aspect of our relationship. So maybe the fact that it's a holiday means we should make the effort, and the kids will have a good time either way really won't they.

And having a kitchen is probably a better idea too? Ugh!

Sorry...any opinions?

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 07/04/2022 17:37

@Kwackerly

Re evenings when staying on site, we were always out in the evening at Disney, even if the kids were small. Usually with buggy watching fireworks or having dinner then heading back around 8-9. Lots of tired kids on the Disney buses! We used to get back to the room and just all crash- but there were times we sat by the pool for a bit with kids in the evening, and went in the hot tub to unwind. I have fond memories of sitting with a cocktail by the hot tub, chatting to all the Disney parents after a long day in the parks! Ahhh I need to go back!
@Kwackerly You’ve talked about everything but sex there. Which was the whole point of OP’s post!
LuckySantangelo35 · 07/04/2022 17:40

@DarkDarkNight

“I wish I had the energy to have sex in a Disney holiday. I just collapsed shellshocked on to my bed at the end of the day.”

This must be hyperbole! Collapsed shell shocked! I’d be fucked if I spent all that money and used up all my annual leave for this experience! No kids were ever harmed by not going to Disney land but clearly adults are harmed by going to Disneyland! I know where my stance is I.e forget it, kids!

LinoVentura · 07/04/2022 17:41

It's hard as I do think my husband puts up with a lot as my drive has completely nose dived and his hasn't, and he mostly just sucks

That's one solution I suppose.

this is more of a relationship query rather than a black and white sex query.

There's nothing wrong with inter-racial sex in this day and age.

ImNotDancing · 07/04/2022 17:41

Art of animation had reasonably priced suites so you can have separate rooms as well as keeping the on-site benefits. The theming is fab too and it has access to the skyliner

Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 17:42

HollowTalk thanks for the links, both by the same woman and very interesting. Her parting thought in the first article about its not about her husband wanting her it's about her wanting her, resonates!

OP posts:
Libertaire · 07/04/2022 17:44

Sex is the glue which holds relationships together. If I went on holiday with my partner, and they were not interested in having sex at all, I would be asking myself serious questions about the health and future of the relationship.

WonderingWanda · 07/04/2022 17:45

I'm so pleased others have said the same thing as I was thinking. I can't think of anything I'd like to do less after full day traipsing round a theme park. If my hubby wanted that sort of holiday he'd better be booking me a child free weekend at a luxury spa.

Original poster
44PumpLane · 07/04/2022 17:45

ImNotDancing

Art of animation had reasonably priced suites so you can have separate rooms as well as keeping the on-site benefits. The theming is fab too and it has access to the skyline

Unfortunately the dates I'm looking at I can get £6k flights and accom but an extra £3.5k to upgrade to the suite. Or I can do an off site 2 bedroom apartment for £4.8k.

I'm still in investigate mode now however, looking a little more for DVC dates.

OP posts:
incognitoforthisone · 07/04/2022 17:47

I want to want to have sex, and I do enjoy the sex we have. I think it just doesn't cross my mind to be honest, which makes me sad too really.I like my husband, and I love him, I do miss that side of things and it seems to have slipped away a bit, but due to my inaction rather than his actions (of that makes sense). I've it's nothing he has done.

Have you told your husband all this? Because there is a lot of difference between that and 'I don't want to have sex'. I absolutely know what it's like to have a dip in libido (also caused by contraception, in my case) so I massively sympathise with you, but I also know what it's like to feel that your partner just doesn't want you in that way, so I massively sympathise with your husband too. And if I were in his shoes I think I would feel a lot better knowing that you actually missed sex/intimacy too, albeit in a different way. Maybe you could explain to him that while he misses sex, you miss the desire for sex, and also reassure him that you want to get it back?

Nocutenamesleft · 07/04/2022 17:49

@Babdoc

I’m more concerned about why you have lost your libido, than the accommodation arrangements, OP. Is it exhaustion - is your DH not doing a fair share of childcare and chores - or does he not spend time wooing you - is he crap in bed - do you no longer fancy him? If this is not addressed, your marriage may fail, as sex is usually a good marker of how happy the relationship is. Couples who love each other and work well as a team are usually very keen to get their hands on each other on holiday. It’s rather sad that you aren’t. I’m not for a minute suggesting that you should grit your teeth and have sex you don’t want, I’m just saying that perhaps you should look at what’s causing the problem, with a view to fixing it if possible.
I have to say I disagree with this. My friend is in the happiest marriage I know. They are two peas in a pod and when one had a stroke. They had to call an ambulance for the other as they panicked so much they collapsed.

It’s a beautiful relationship. But now in their 70’s. Sex is the last thing on their minds and they very rarely have sex. So I must have to say I disagree with sex being a marker for how happy you are.

Dixiechickonhols · 07/04/2022 17:52

I’ve never rented dvc points but there are options - David’s vacation club is recommended a lot.

LouLou198 · 07/04/2022 17:52

Disney is a family holiday. We stayed off site in a villa in Florida and it was a pain in the arse travelling to and from the park in a hire car, paying for parking everyday. It also meant we couldn't easily get back to our accommodation for a rest during the day. We are going to Paris this year, but staying on site, all in one room. Trust me, you will be that exhausted at the end of the day sex will be the last thing on your mind!

Firelogbridge · 07/04/2022 17:52

I thought you meant a few nights at Disney Paris. If I were going away for 2 weeks I wouldn't want to share one room with 5 year olds. Dh and I like to put dc to bed, pour a drink and chill (even aside from sex). Hard to do with 2dc trying to sleep. I'd book somewhere bigger.

elliesmummy19 · 07/04/2022 17:53

Tbh I sort of get where he's coming from. Not just about the sex but it is nice on holiday to be able to get the kids to bed, have a glass of wine, adult conversation (and maybe sex). I do also get that Disney isn't really that kind of holiday though and understand that you'd rather stay on site in a Travelodge style room.

So I'll basically sit on the fence with this one 😂

Loudhousefun · 07/04/2022 17:54

I have found I generally want more sex on holiday, don’t know if I’m in the minority here but I would definitely not want to go on holiday if it meant zero sexBlush

AllFreeOwls · 07/04/2022 17:57

We're off shortly and have rented DVC points for part of our stay. It might well work out cheaper to get a one-bed suite, rather then an Art of Animation suite upgrade. Definitely worth looking at some DVC rental options... Best of both worlds!

Simonjt · 07/04/2022 18:01

I’m on team DH (sorry!), for us a holiday is for everyone, not just the small people. We always get a flat etc so we have our room, not just so we can have sex if we want, but other forms of intimacy, plus its nice to have a bit of space to yourself.

We’re on holiday at the moment, we’ve managed to have our first sex of 2022! So the theory of having more sex on holiday has worked for us 😂

theleafandnotthetree · 07/04/2022 18:04

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@DarkDarkNight

“I wish I had the energy to have sex in a Disney holiday. I just collapsed shellshocked on to my bed at the end of the day.”

This must be hyperbole! Collapsed shell shocked! I’d be fucked if I spent all that money and used up all my annual leave for this experience! No kids were ever harmed by not going to Disney land but clearly adults are harmed by going to Disneyland! I know where my stance is I.e forget it, kids![/quote]
This! I want someone, anyone to explain to me how this experience, which most are describing as some sort of shattering death march, is supposed to be enjoyable. And don't give me 'the kids love it', or 'I love watching the kids enjoy it' 🙄what do YOU get out of it.

Kwackerly · 07/04/2022 18:06

@LuckySantangelo35 I talked about it upthread- that's what the bathroom is for! Grin

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 07/04/2022 18:09

There is absolutely no way I would go on an expensive holiday for two weeks and not have sex. Holidays are for sex! It's one of the best bits.

Definitely not going to this forced death march Disney thing, from the sounds of it.

HTH1 · 07/04/2022 18:10

Just do it quietly once the DC are asleep. That’s what we always did.

stormswiftlysweetafton · 07/04/2022 18:12

I'd rather save the money, but if he's taking it personally, that needs to be addressed. I'd want to do what felt best for this particular holiday, which is focused on the children and family time. If that saves money, all the better. The money you save could go toward something special for just the two of you, whether that's something new for the bedroom (luxurious bedding?), a weekend or a night in a local hotel, or some romantic meals out.

I'd approach it this way: You'll be too exhausted on this trip to feel much in the mood, but the money saved will be set aside for a time in the near future when you can relax and enjoy one another more fully.

Dixiechickonhols · 07/04/2022 18:16

Theleafandnottgetree I think you either like Disney or not. For lots of people it’s a once in a lifetime so they want to do it all and end up trying to cram everything in.
For me as an adult I enjoy the rides, theming, fireworks, parades, shows eg lion king, customer service. Dining onsite at Disney - lots of themed restaurants and nice restaurants (it’s not just burger & chips) There’s food & wine festival, concerts, water parks, nice shopping area, mini golf.
Last trip it was just me and teen and we lived inside Disney bubble. Full on park days - had an absolutely fab time.
This year with DH in tow we’ll have a condo offsite and a more relaxed holiday with less park time.

LuckySantangelo35 · 07/04/2022 18:17

[quote Kwackerly]@LuckySantangelo35 I talked about it upthread- that's what the bathroom is for! Grin[/quote]
@Kwackerly
I dunno, I think it’s a bit shit for adults to have to sneak off into the toilet for a shag when they’re holiday. They’re paying loads of money to be away, probs work really hard etc it should be a nicer experience for them then that!

Porkbuttsandtaters · 07/04/2022 18:18

I’d be happy to do up to maybe 3 nights in a hotel room, any longer and I’m with your DH. Not just the sex, just being able to relax with a drink and have a chat is nice when the kids are asleep. Two weeks at Disney - not a chance I’d want to spend the whole time in one room with the kids.