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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Annoyed partner. My fault?

207 replies

Illwithdisappointment · 05/04/2022 09:38

Try and keep it short.
Partners birthday today. Have a 3 year old and have had one night out since he was born due to Covid/family living far away.

Booked us a trip away to tell him about today. I booked in Jan, spent absolutely ages looking and spent way more than I wanted but figured it's worth it because we never do anything.

It's 3 nights away and my mum is babysitting. Luxury lodge overlooking a lake with our own hot tub. I had big plans in my head that it would be romantic, we'd go on day trips etc. I couldn't wait to tell him.

Partner due to go out Saturday just gone but I tested positive for Covid. I've been really ill and still am, struggling to breathe and not eaten in 4 days, chest pain etc. He cancelled his night out and they rearranged. I would like to point out that it was just some drinks in the pub, nothing special as such. They rearranged, aprtner told me the date and I said ok. I later realised it was same date as our holiday. I thought about texting his friend to tell him that my partner wouldn't be available during that date. However and this is important to note ...they NEVER make plans in advance, it's literally a few days before and the trip is 7 weeks away. I decided I would just tell my partner on his birthday about our trip and they would rearrange the night out (as it was only 3 days between them rearranging night out and partners birthday). Maybe I should have told my partner about the trip early and inmade the wrong decision but I didn't think it'd be an issue and I've been so unwell all weekend.

Anyway, his birthday is today and just before i mentioned the holiday he says how great this night out will be as lots are able to make it this time. My heart sinks already knowing he'll be disappointed because he'll have to come away with me instead.

I had booked this so long ago and had in my head how excited we would be about finally going away. Maybe that's my issue.

Anyway, his reaction to me booking a holiday for us was basically 'but I've made plans with my friends now'. He got angry and basically told me I should have told him the date. I apologised and said that he always tells me his friends make plans last minute and that it was only 3 days earlier they had rearranged and I wanted to present his gift on his birthday. He started shouted that I had lied to him. I said I hadn't lied but not wanted to spoil the surprise but he kept shouting that I'd lied and now he'd have to cancel. He did suggest rearranging the holiday but I can't, I've paid most of it, my mum and stepdad have taken time off work and toot was really expensive and the other dates that month are around £150 more. I ended up in tears and told him I'll cancel and he said no he'll just have to cancel all the plans he made with his friends and I shouldn't have lied.

I'm sat upstairs in tears. Maybe overemotional because I placed too much emphasis on this trip away and had built it up in my mind for so long. Also because I'm so ill, not eaten in 4 days and I'm in pain.

I'm locked away on the bedroom crying and he's downstairs telling our toddler his birthday is ruined.

OP posts:
Illwithdisappointment · 10/04/2022 18:52

Well he's not back and starts work in 40 mins. Looksike he's not coming back.

OP posts:
Illwithdisappointment · 10/04/2022 19:27

He just turned up. Tried to kiss me, I said no. He said 'oh so you're still miserable, why don't you just get over it like I have. I'm not sulking'. What's the point in me being here. I said I've no idea why you're here and he said so we are breaking up the family because of your depression. God I want to punch him!!! (I'm not really violent or abusive).

He's just said I would have have him if I'd known you weren't taking him out anywhere.
Cheeky bastard. Despite feeling really ill I've been out with our son lots. Plus before he left I actually said can you take him because I'm really ill and officially can't go anywhere and he moaned.

OP posts:
Illwithdisappointment · 10/04/2022 19:43

Oh and I said our son may have caught Covid because he's got a high temp, snotty and irritable and he said "Well it's your fault spreading your Covid germs everywhere. I saw you hug him when Ieft".
Blame me. Nothing to do with him buggering off all weekend and leaving the Covid parent to look after the child.

OP posts:
KhansMambo · 10/04/2022 20:27

So, what are you going to do about it, OP? He’s awful, we’re all in agreement. So, what are your next steps?

Illwithdisappointment · 10/04/2022 22:57

@KhansMambo I don't know I feel broken. He's broken me down to nothing.

OP posts:
KhansMambo · 10/04/2022 23:09

No, hasn’t. He doesn’t have that power. You are not nothing. You are a strong capable woman who is going to reclaim her power, for herself and for her children.

You are going to get rid of this awful man. You need to figure out how. If you can’t think how to manage it, start a new post and ask for guidance. MN is a great resource and people with more expertise than me will be able to give you step by step guidance and signpost you to resources.

Good luck.

Fireflygal · 10/04/2022 23:32

Op, you are just exhausted so will feel unable to cope but you can.

Have you posted about him before? If so, you've given him so many chances and ultimately these relationships always decline and never improve.

I guess the financial worry is stopping you but there are ways to make it work. I'm not saying it's easy but your youngest will be at school in a few years so it gets easier.

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